Sunday, January 10, 2010

Old Wive's Tale.

I've been feeling frumpy for a little while now, as my hair got more and more in desperate need of a hair cut. I still didn't find the time to have one while my in-laws were here, and I cringed inside every time any one took a photo of me. Something that hasn't happened for a long time.

The clothes that fit clothes are all winter weight and I've had a fairly small but decent selection to choose from, but all of a sudden we're having a heat wave and I have nothing to wear. Well, I have a whole wardrobe stuffed full of clothes. The trouble is, I'm in between. My maternity clothes are starting to look ratty and they are miles too big for me. But my other clothes are not quite fitting right, just yet.

Even the new bathing suit I bought several months ago. The top still fits perfectly and looks really pretty. The bottoms I'm currently wearing are so big, they fell down the other night whenever I'd walk "too fast" in the pool. But the next size down are a bikini cut (rather than full brief) and don't quite fit thanks to the extra loose hang of my pannus now that I've lost some fat. Those of you that have lost a bit of weight know what I mean. The fat is disappearing underneath, and the skin is still stretched out to contain the old amount of fat...well add post-pregnancy to that stretchage and oh my gawd. Otherwise, they'd fit perfectly.

I've been enjoying dressing Kiddlywink. It's like I can express my fashion sense, on a body that fits all of its clothes. No, I don't treat her like a doll and play dress ups, it's just nice being able to go to her wardrobe and drawers and pick out an outfit then put it on without worrying about whether it'll fit or not. Although, it's always a little sad when she moves on to a new size and I have to put my current favourites away in their box...but then I have a whole new wardrobe to choose new favourites from. LOL

I didn't realise how much I was using that to ignore how slobby I was feeling, until Raina, and the heat wave, arrived. Especially since we're coming up on wash day, I really only had one pair of jeans, one pair of white pants, and two nice tops to wear. Well, I say to wear, but the green crepe shirt is a size too big and swims on me, and the pinky/orange plaid maternity shirt, while looser/flattering now in the torso, is too tight in the arms. (Thanks to losing condition in my upper arms.)

Raina looks gorgeous in everything I've seen her wear. Even her pyjamas! And, me? I feel like I'm wearing sack cloth and ashes. This is not her fault in the slightest, she's only been the catalyst to make me face my own feelings. And that's what friends do, isn't it? Help you work through your stuff!

Now I needs to figure out how to get my mojo back, without spending money we don't have on in-between clothes that won't fit me long.

Any suggestions?

P.S. And I just realised that the reason mess in the house has been driving me so batty at the last six weeks, is because it only adds to my feelings of shabbiness.
P.P.S Feeling another level recovered. Doing more stuff. Doing more stuff. Doing MORE stuff....Ugh. Strained stomach muscles again. A little more recovered doesn't mean completely recovered! When will I learn not to act like a bull at a gate?

1 Nibbles:

Marshmallow said...

Raina looks gorgeous in everything I've seen her wear. Even her pyjamas!

I didn't realise that you felt like this, since I've actually been feeling the same way that you've been with regards to feeling frumpy and being in-between in a lot of my clothes. I'd kept some of my 'fat clothes' because they were so unique and I still found ways to make them work, but I find myself turning to these items of clothing more than the rest of my wardrobe simply because it fits while the other stuff doesn't.

The jeans I'm wearing now (as I type this comment in your place!) I bought especially for the trip since all of the other pairs I have are too small. What you have seen the night we went out for dinner was 'the beautiful shimmery top', whereas I see it as 'the beautiful shimmery top that was a size bigger than I would've ordinarily bought'.

On the other hand, while being here, I have admired the confidence that you have simply walking around and being yourself - even when I am in my own presence, I still feel I am obliged to cover my 'offending self' up because of the past scorn I've received from my mother (the most recent which happened earlier on this very trip when she was horrified that I was wearing an OMG SINGLET!!! BARE FLABBY ARMS ALERT!!!

But like you said, it's what friends do, help you work through your stuff, and you have done that for me in the short time that I have been here (even without knowing it, maybe!) and I will certainly do what I can to return the favour :-)