Friday, May 09, 2008

Back To Basics

Because we haven't had much food in the fridge, and I've been too lazy to go shopping. Because we found some of the elusive Bear Claw Icecream, the last one in the shop's freezer! Because this time I'm not on a diet and can eat as much of it as I want, so we have a repeat of the chocolate raisins episode. Because I didn't get a response to the Magic Mirror letter from someone that I was desperately needing to receive a reply from. That's only some of the reasons, but they all start with Because.

Because, Because, BeCAAAAAAAUUUUUSE.

You'd think with my own personal Oz practicing such fantastic sleight of hand that I'd been living in Emerald city these last few days, but no, it's been Binge City

Those charts are doing their job, very effectively. All the becauses are there for me to see. And I, the great Oz, can no longer fool myself on how much I'm binging. And have been binging, now that I look back over the last few months. So, I'm ditching the fanciful delusions and sound effects and going back to basics.

This morning I got up and made myself a sandwich for breakfast. I waited until I was hungry and made what I wanted, but only the one sandwich. If I'd been still hungry after eating just the one, I would have sat a bit longer and waited to see if the hunger stayed, or went away before making another half sandwich. But, I was full after one sandwich.

I read a little bit more of the book I'd been reading with breakfast, and between five-to-ten minutes later I found my gaze wandering over the kitchen. The urge to eat was there, even though I wasn't actually physically hungry. I thought of the indigestion I've had the last two nights. Indigestion I've had to suffer through since we have no celery, or antacids, in the house. I thought of my husband coming home early for a change, and me not being able to make love with him, because my stomach was too uncomfortably full. So I didn't even let him know I was feeling horny. I thought of several other things, and finally I said to myself, "No."

No, to dishing up portions size LSED says I need.
No, to punishing myself by buying only a small variety of food.
No, to irregular exercise.
No, to shoving down how much other people's in/actions hurt me.
No, to taking on the World's Ills. (A new version of lost puppy dog syndrome.)
No, to anything that makes me feel bad about myself.

Yes, Yes, YES, to intuitive eating.
Yes, Yes! To regular exercise.
YES! To being me.

Yes, to going back to basics.

0 Nibbles: