Friday, April 20, 2007

Stress, Depression and PMS!

How do I know I was suffering from those three things yesterday? (starting from the day before actually)

1. I was in my pj's all day.
2. Two nights ago: Showing a picture of Mum and Dad to Alaskaboy, of them holding my newest second cousin, and wishing the baby was ours. And getting all misty over it.
3. Missing my family in general. Worrying whether christmas trip to Aus will eventuate, specifically.
4. Doubting my ability to do anything with any level of competence.
5. Black and white, be all or end all, thinking.
6. Running a bath last night and whilst in the bath, sobbing to the point of almost puking... several times over. (Realising that admitting feelings and feeling feelings are a whole different kettle of fish!)
7. Sleeping for hours on end two days ago.
8. Worse than usual hormone/stress-related facial dandruff. (that pesky orange rash that shows up once a month)
9. Craving far too many slices of grilled cheese on toast.
10. Finally browbeating Alaskaboy into sitting down and working out with me our bottom feederline for the cost of a houseloan.
11. Shaking in fear and emotion reaction, during and after Number Ten, as I blurted out the whole story of how I'd been feeling yesterday. And bawling once more about everything in general.
12. Resenting that a friend didn't call me back for several days in a row, when I'd called specifically so I could blubber all over the phone at her. (Hormones that were speaking babe, not me! They've stopped now though.)
13. The whinyness. oh the whinging and whining! Yuck!
14. The miasma of doom, gloom, failure and despair that I was wallowing in.
15. The inner voice that was saying, screw everything else, Let's have a baby!
15. Hello, major life upheaval = moving house!! And it's a whole house, not just my itty bitty part of a household, like the times I've moved before.

Good news is, after blabbing about it in text, then blubbering over it in the bath, and talking it over with Alaskaboy, and of course more crying, I feel much better today. That was the worst PMS I've had in the more than twelve months since I've come off the pill. One bad month out of twelve is pretty damn good I reckon!

Today I'm gonna pack some more boxes, do aerobics and ignore craigslist completely for 24 hrs. LOL We have an appointment at 9am on Saturday to potentially buy a condo, and one at 1pm to possibly rent an apartment month-to-month. So, any further looking I'm doing before then is kinda pointless really, until we know for sure if we're going with either of those options, or not.

Off to have some breakfast. Am starved after that emotional purge last night.

3 Nibbles:

kathrynoh said...

Yikes, that does sound bad. Much better that you have all that out of your system than in. Do you think that sometimes PMS is like a safety valve? Not pleasant at the time, but at least you get this stuff out of your system.

Erin said...

Actually feeling emotions and acknowledging them is hard, I'm not sure what to do with myself sometimes now that I don't stuff it all with alcohol, smokes, and food. You will survive and emerge even stronger.

lisa jane said...

bloody PMS!!!! what an asshole.

hehe a bit of aussie swears for ya :)

hope you are feeling much better, i keep missing you on msn :(