Thursday, October 10, 2013

The right size for the right quality.

Months ago I bought a tin of Quality Street chocolates.
a) because I liked the colour and unusual shape to the tin
b) because I hadn't had them in over ten years
c) Alaskaboy and Kiddlywink had never had them
d) It was Easter
e) There was a LOT of us to share that big arse tin of chocolates.
f) I had a vague idea the tin might be useful for storage

After we enjoyed the contents, the tin sat around cluttering up our bedroom. For awhile now I've had the notion I'd like to use it for a jewellery box. The one I've had since I was twelve, while beautiful, doesn't hold all of my jewellery anymore. But then we realised how little money we had so I put the idea on hold.

Until today.
Spring has well and truly sprung thus I no longer need my extra fleecy tracksuit pants.
I really don't want them either because they're now too big to comfortably wear.
I held them in my hand and debated putting them in the donation bag. I held them awhile longer and considered the cost of a sheet of felt large enough to suit my crafting purposes, and just how soft and fleecy these pants were, in fact.

The penny dropped.

A big arse tin of chocolates needed a big arse pair of pants to cushion the inside.
(It's not quite finished yet, but I'm letting it percolate through the ol' brain tissue just how I wanna do the inside walls.)

Some craft glue, some scissors, some time and patience and soon enough I'll have a jewellery box that will cocoon my bling as snugly as the pants used to encase my body


Tuesday, October 08, 2013


It's been awhile since I started my Stick It To Summer Challenge. Many months and changes have gone by since then. But, I finally have made progress on all the points I measured way back then, so here's an update!

Fitness has increased so much there's no point even comparing. Plus with my recent relapse I'm still learning what my body can and can't do as compared to a month ago.

Start: 144 cms
Oct 8th: 130cms

Start: Right: 68.2cm Left 71.8cm
Oct 8th: Right: 68.0cm Left: 70.5cm

Start: 117.3cm
Oct 8th: 114.5cm

Start: 125.7cm
Oct 8th: 122.5cm

Start: 112kgs/246.9lbs
Oct 8th: 107.5kg/236.9 lbs

I know some of my measurements were even bigger before I started those challenges, my waist has definitely lost 6.5cms over the past 18 months. Since I didn't have all the measurements from back then, I'm going from when I started the challenges and began to make real strides towards turning my life around for the better. :)


Tuesday, September 03, 2013

The Immediacy Of Hunger

I wrote this last night, then let it digest a bit before posting it today. I wasn't sure if it was just for me, or to share, For the bare handful of you that are left that read this blog, I hope you're still enjoying it. Oh, and this is a long one. :)

I've always felt an immediacy to my hunger, even as a child, which has led me to eat with a voracious appetite. I usually have a keen sense of what food I am wanting and that leads to my stomach sounding very much like Veruca Salt in its insistence of being satiated straight away. “I WANT the deliciousness and I WANT it NOW!” The depth and the sharpness of my hunger led me to believe that I not only had to have food right away but I had to have a lot.

Surely, something that felt so all encompassing had to be huge in truth. Right?

Tonight, I have learned that this isn't always so.

Sure, there are times when my hunger is of an immediacy that requires food straight away. Often when I haven't been paying attention and too much time has passed, or my nutrition hasn't been adequate, and my sugar levels have dropped dangerously low thus it's either eat or have a migraine, or fall over, or gag uncontrollably, or sometimes all of the above.

But as my body has taught me, not all hunger is created equal.

My workout hunger is best satisfied by a carbohydrate snack within an hour of starting a workout, followed by a protein snack after I finish exercising. Failing that, a balanced meal of protein, carbs, fat, and veggies or fruit within an hour and a half before starting the workout. (But then, if I misjudge the meal or the timing of the start of the workout, I'll need a couple of bites of banana or nut bar to be able to sustain the workout.) I've learned this over the last six months of consistent exercise. And it works for me.

PMS hunger. I've been working on this one for decades. It makes sense. PMS hunger means my body is working hard to make a hospitable home for any pregnancy that wishes to take up residency in any given month. And that takes nutrients and calories and salt and fluid. So my calorie intake goes up drastically. It's only for a few days a month and my weight follows a predictable pattern...I lose weight during that time and then go back to my regular weight as soon as I start to menstruate. Without fail. Whether I'm 65 kg or 115kgs. There's also usually one day of hormone-induced rage/tears/emotional turmoil, that's not a hunger story though.

But it does lead me nicely to emotional hunger. Name an emotion and over the years I've substituted feeling it with eating food. Numbing. Avoiding. Denying. Celebrating. Because I can. Because it's the best I can do in that moment. Because I need soothing to take the sharpness out of the emotion to be able to express it adequately. There are many and varied reasons I've used and abused food. Admittedly, there are times it's healthy and normal to soothe myself with food...but not every time I feel something that makes me uncomfortable. Or before I can even BEGIN to feel uncomfortable. I've taken a vital, protective behaviour and let it get out of control. It's no different than covering a kid in cotton wool. They'll never learn how to cope with anything, if they feel nothing.

And I was so frightened of being uncomfortable or feeling anything bad that I felt nothing real for a long time. Not emotionally or physically. Not even true hunger. I felt plenty of sensory hunger though. Something tasted or smelled delicious and I'd continue eating it far beyond when I'd had enough, simply because it tasted so good.

My true hunger can express itself in different ways. I've learned it can be a thunderous growl, or a nauseous feeling, or a headache, or crankiness, weakness, lethargy, even an inability to concentrate. (And sometimes, those things mean I'm thirsty instead.) Tonight it happened while we were out and about running errands. They took longer than planned. We were already running late to pick my dad up, and Kiddlywink's dinner time had passed half an hour ago, so we decided to get take away.

Fast food was something we spent an obscene amount on during the last year. We only found this out when we did our budget a couple of months ago. I haven't eaten from a fast food restaurant since. My body feels better for it. After eating it fairly regularly for several years..then going cold turkey for two months, I bet you can imagine how I was tantalised by the delicious smell when I pulled the car up to the drive thru window, ordered for Alaskaboy and Kiddlywink, and then passed the food back to them.

When I opened the bag to ensure the order was correct, my mouth flooded with saliva and my stomach roiled with anticipation. Once my hand was in the bag, my brain urged me to take one chip...just one chip, they smell SO good. It was in that moment that I realised that even though I was hungry—ravenous, in fact—I wasn't hungry for this kind of food. I rolled the top of the bag back down and handed it to Alaskaboy, leaving all the contents intact.

It was torturous driving a further 40 minutes with the smells, sights and sounds of two hungry people thoroughly enjoying their dinner. I happily talked to them about what they were enjoying, and how I'd enjoyed those meals in the past. I even refused their kind offers to give me tastes of their food. I wasn't being masochistic. I simply wasn't hungry for it. And I knew I would be home soon enough and could find something there I would want and enjoy more. Believe me, if I HAD wanted the food, there would have been nothing stopping me from enjoying my own take away meal also.

There is a time and a place for take away. It is a Sometimes food after all.

We arrived home and I remembered we'd promised Kiddlywink to stop and get a particular ice cream on the way home. Unfortunately, we were out of time to go back to the shops. Kiddlywink was understandably disappointed. After brokering a deal wherein I'd get the ice cream and she could have it for her bed time snack, if she was bathed and in her pyjamas by the time I got back from the local supermarket, Kiddlywink, Alaskaboy and my dad went inside.

When I entered the store, I was struck by the sight of this particular white cauliflower. I swear it was already perfectly lit, but it was missing the accompanying upswell to the soundtrack. Oh wait, it's not a movie, it's my life. Seriously, the cauliflower looked so delectable it could have been a prop for a movie. But, I ignored it and focused on the fridge section, where I'd planned to scoop up a healthy preprepared soup and devour that when I got home. The selection was good, but it was not the soup I was looking for.

And like Luke barreling his X-wing fighter along the canals and gullies found on the death star, I manoeuvered my way back around for a final pass at the thing that had my R2 unit's head all swivelly. This WAS the cauliflower I was looking for. That, and the bag of baby spinach leaves in the cool store section. I grabbed those, the icecream bars and hotfooted it out of there, after dashing through the self-service line like any intrepid adventurer would do! Or, you know, someone in desperate need of dinner.

I made it home to a bigger fanfare than Han and Luke received, but I didn't get any fancy gold medallions.

What I did get was the satisfaction of seeing my daughter enjoy a meal and a dessert as the treats they rightly should be. As a Sometimes food. Not the Quite Regularly Indeed foods they'd become.

I was in the mood for soup, so was Dad. Good old cauliflower soup; cauliflower, potato, onion, garlic, and veg broth all simmered for about 15-20 minutes, then whizzed. I felt kinda decadent tonight so I plopped spinach leaves in the huge soup bowls, covered them with piping hot soup and crumbled in some goats feta and added a twist of lemon. The textures and flavours had us making the same omnomnom noises I'd heard an hour and a half prior in the car.

I enjoyed every spoonful of that soup. From the piping hot start where I had to balance my hunger with the need to not burn my mouth to the dregs where it was quite cool and I had to guage my need to be fully satisfied against the tastiness of the soup and the size of my stomach.

What was it that I learned tonight? The immediacy of my hunger is not always an indication of how soon I must eat.

Sometimes, even when I'm very hungry, I can in fact wait to eat.

Sometimes, it's okay to feel my hunger and move beyond it. Especially if it's in search of what it is I truly want to eat. If I'd given in and eaten those burgers and chips because it was convenient, I wouldn't have sat with my hunger long enough to identify what it was I was truly hungry for. And I would have binged continuously throughout the evening looking to find what it was I needed..and probably not succeeded and ended up eating thousands too may calories.

Sometimes, it is necessary to eat something that isn't what I truly want. Sometimes there are other factors involved that don't allow me the luxury of choice. But when I do have the luxury of choice, I now know that being hungry is something I can survive. It's not the end of my world...I'm simply hungry.

Tonight, I was hungry was for this soup. YUM! 


Friday, August 09, 2013

A Vested Interest In Myself and My Health.

Last winter, the thought of going out late at night to walk never even occured to me. Not only because I didn't have jackets to fit, but also because I was too unfit and lazy to consider it. Sure, I'd go out during the day, sometimes. But of a night? Forget it! (To be fair, my Nanna, was getting up every hour on the hour to pee..four nights a week. This winter she sleeps right through for the four days we have her, so we're no longer exhausted.)

Today, due to a mix up between appointment times, I was dropped off first, then, voluntarily, left high and dry at one place. My appointment took longer than anticipated. Instead of being picked up again as expected, I had to walk 3 kilometres to the place where the car had ended up. I did the walk, in cold blustery wind, while wearing only a long-sleeved t-shirt and thin tracksuit pants. Without a drink of water. I did eat a nut bar though, that I'd had in the bottom of my handbag.

Last winter I wouldn't have contemplated walking that far at ALL. In fact I would have been astonished if someone suggested I do so. No, pissed off. Whiny! And I would have demanded them to come back and get me.

(In all honesty I did wait for the bus for six minutes Trying desperately to stay out of the wind behind a narrow timetable sign. And when the bus zoomed straight passed me, I wasn't going to wait another 6-15 minutes for the next bus to was warmer to keep walking. And when the next bus finally caught up with me, only a couple of hundred metres before my end destination, I singsonged out loud "Fuck you, I didn't need you, I did it all by MYSELF! I didn't neeed you. I DID NOT NEED YOU. I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!" I even gave it a bit of the old Evil King With A Physical Defect kind of salute.)

Last winter I was excited when, for a few brief weeks, my beloved Alaska fleecy vest zipped up. Then the lazy kicked in and it stopped fitting me again. Again, earlier this winter it started to fit and I've been loving wearing it. Tonight, the jacket I had bought three years ago, suitable for winter in Minnesota, was too hot. But all my other tops were too cold. And no one else's jackets fit me either. So, I put on a hooded tracksuit zip up top...and then out of desperation attempted to zip up my vest over the top of that.

It fit. With ease. With room to spare.

And then I went for a second walk for the day. To accompany my mum, because she hadn't walked yet. Because this week we made a pact I'd help her to walk a minimum of 20 minutes per day.

A second walk!

I'm still the same weight I was last winter. If not a little heavier, in fact. My cholesterol has gone from 4.6 to 4.4. I'm the same weight but I'm much healthier.

I shall call her, Healthier-Me.  lol


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Health Update.

Bad News: Neurologist says I'm not allowed to do the volunteer work at the childcare anymore, because "Your health comes first. But, we'll reassess in 6 months when you're fitter."
Apparently between getting healthier/losing weight, looking after Nan, raising my family, and doing household chores, etc, that's enough of a job for me for the moment. When I told him all I'd done in June he said, "That made even ME exhausted, and I was only listening to it!" Apparently, I'd felt so good that I'd done a few things too many, and pushed too hard. Sound familiar to anyone I know? lol

Better news: All the stresses of June, both good and bad, cause me to have a flare up. That means some of my symptoms are slightly worse than they were, especially the numbness, and now when I relax my head tilts to the left a bit, but my disability scores haven't changed. :)

Good news: He's pleased with my progress, happy for me to keep taking the same meds and continuing the exercises I've been doing. BUT sticking to 2-4 times per week, and to not overdo my life in general.

Best news: It wasn't a relapse. There are no new lesions. Nor are the ones I've got enhancing.


Friday, July 12, 2013

Muddling Through.

I've spent the last 5 days forcing myself to rest. Also felt the need to check out of the world for a little bit, so I borrowed some Supernatural seasons from the library and had DVD marathons galore! I also increased my vitamin D intake and am feeling steadier. Lots of crying. Lots of dealing with how I'm feeling. It definitely helps knowing what's going on this time, and having a support network.

I arrived at the gym today at 7am, for my prearranged appointment. Felt all virtuous with how early I was there. Felt slightly less virtuous when I walked in just as a class was FINISHING. LOL

We worked out my personalized program...and yeah I was definitely overdoing it last week. It was through excitement at being back IN a gym, but still overdoing it. Not enough rests between sets, too much cardio, weights slightly too high on some things.
So, it feels encouraging to start properly, but also good to know my leg strength has improved even since last week. (weight stayed same but increased number of reps and added another set.)
Very impressed at how they listened to what my requirements were and what my goals are and that they're working with me and my limitations. (Added to my file straight away that I'm not allowed to overheat.)

I'm trying to muddle my way through this, without making myself crazy with what I can or will not be able to do in future. I'm working with what I can and will do NOW.


Monday, July 08, 2013

I'm an active MSer!

The last time this happened, I Freaked. The. Fuck. Out.
Last time this happened, I didn't know what was happening. All I knew was that Something. Was. Not. Right.
Last time this happened, I had a husband who was gone 12-14 hours per day, and a young baby.
Last time this happened, we were isolated.
Last time I didn't have a doctor.

This time, I Can. Name. My. Emotions. And. Am. Feeling. Them.
This time, I know it could be a flare up exacerbated by sickness and over-exercising, or it could be a relapse.
This time, my husband works part time, and our daughter is old enough to do some stuff by herself.
This time, we've got a social network to help.
This time I have a doctor.

Last week I had a fantastic week.
The gym I'd joined finished their renovations and I was able to start working out again. I worked out three days. On one of those days we were running late to pick up Kiddlywink, so I power-walked for 20mins (Alaskaboy walked slightly faster than normal speed), to get to her daycare. Another day, in between workout days, I walked a big gully near our place.
On Saturday it was the last day I worked out, plus ran errands, plus cooked up a Korean feast for all seven of us. My brother is back home after a three month European vacation, and I volunteered to cook Korean for him to try. (We all already love it.) He also helped with some of the prep, and I opted out of the washing up.
Sunday I'd planned to go for a walk while having a day out and about on public transport with Kiddlywink and Alaskaboy. Except my body said, "STOP!" I spent several hours napping on the couch.
I hoped that the weird sensations I was getting were because I'd overworked myself and was exhausted.
Today they're still there, so I called to notify my doctor.
He's on annual leave and his secretary has made a note that I've called. She said about the only thing he would do is suggest I get a new MRI and come in for a review...both of which are already due to happen this month anyway.

So, this week, I play the waiting game. Is it a flare up? Is it a relapse? Are my meds still working? Was it emotional stress that caused this, from Kiddlywink being bitten by a dog last month? Was it physical stress from two colds in a row? Was it physical stress from over doing stuff?
I don't know.
But I do know that whatever happens, or whatever caused it, I'll deal with it.
I have the tools and the support network in place. I have the knowledge to know what's happening this time. Those two things are making a big difference.
Yes, I have cried. And I will cry some more. Yes, I have raged. Yes, I am fearful. But, I have hope. I'm still here. I'm still alive. I still have so much better disability scores than so many people. I love and I AM loved.

What really hits me in the gut is that while I'm in remission I can pretend I'm normal. That enough exercising, dieting, injections, and positive thinking will keep the relapses at bay. That I don't have to be aware of my energy reserves or spend them wisely. Then BLAM, my body reminds me that I AM a person with an illness. That I have a invisible disability.

So, I'm not quitting exercising, I'm simply going to go slower and work my way up to 5 sessions of half an hour per week. I'm obviously not ready for that yet. I got excited. I got ahead of myself. I got impatient. Because I've been exercising for 3 days most weeks I assumed I could go to 4-5. Nope. 2-4 is still the best for me.
I'm still excited to work out. I'm still excited no matter what happens.
Because of this website...Active Msers I know, that no matter how my disease progresses, there are still ways to stay active and lead a full, joyful life.


Tuesday, July 02, 2013

I'm a gym bunny again!

I went to join up at a gym last month. Literally two days after I signed up, they closed for renovations. I didn't let that deter me, and I still signed up. I looked at it as a positive sign. Because not only did the gym change from one of those circuit-type places to a real gym, which is my preference, I was joining as a foundation member now, so I got bonuses I wouldn't have been able to pay for otherwise. Previously, I would have taken it as a sign I wasn't meant to join. The few weeks I had to wait would have put me off ever come back again. Patience, I'm learning, is a virtue.
After dropping the kiddo off at school, I had my first session at the gym today. I arrived half an hour early for my orientation. Turns out that was a good thing because I could squeeze into the earlier session. After being thoroughly shown around the gym, and liking what I saw, I was told this week was only for orientation. I couldn't book in for my 2nd session, where they set up my program etc, until Friday next week. It's an oh god o'clock appointment, but I spoke up first, in front of the lady who took the orientation with me, because the next available appointment after that was the following week.  And..because...Me, I come first, me! Much better than the old me who would have let the other one have first dibs!
I was glad to hear that we could use the gym in the mean time, especially since I'd used the interim to get a letter from my doc saying exercise = good. I hadn't been sure if we were allowed to use it so I was in thin tracksuit pants and a polo shirt. Which worked out fine, certainly better than if I'd gotten all excited and put on my new workout clothes..and then couldn't work out! When I started to overheat on the treadmill, I simply tucked my t-shirt up under my boobs/bra and kept going. 
After ten minutes on the, slightly motion sick after getting back off that, that's new. (It was exactly like having to readjust to land legs after disembarking from a boat.) I admired the new weights and then happily settled into using them. Not as strong as I used to be, but not as weak as I thought I WOULD be. There are creaks and groans in dem bones, dem bones, dem shoulder bones when I do a shoulder presses now. Agian, I'll keep an eye on that new phenomenon. 
Feeling good after the weight session I decided on one more round of cardio, then a cool down. I by-passed the sexily, sleek spinning bikes, certainly not ready for those yet. I ignored the torture chamber that is known as the cross-trainer/elliptical, and headed for the regular bikes. (Recumbent bikes don't work, they hurt my back, plus try and garrote me with every bounce of my boobs/belly off my knees!) I managed five minutes on the bike. Well, at five minutes I pressed the cool down button and within twenty six seconds of that I'd progressed from feeling the pleasant wibble-wobbles that let me know my muscles have worked out, to the sickening wibblywobblys that let me know I've run out of juice...and should have stopped to have a snack.
My inner critic tried to argue that I had less than two minutes to go on the cool down, and I should finish what I started. I waffled for half a second and then said, "Fuck off! I want to be able to come back again this week."
"Stop!" said my body, so I did.
Now I'm waiting for my sandwich and yoghurt to stop the hungry wobbles, and avoiding eating anything else because I know I'm NOT still hungry, I'm just not registering the tank's got food in it yet. Remember to bring snacks and more water next time, and I'll be much better off.
 For the sake of my own record keeping, I was comfortable at 4.0-4.5kms per hour on the treadmill. Pushed it up to 5.0 for a couple of minutes then dropped back down to 4.5.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Simply Enjoying Food.

Part of one of the important principles we're trying to teach Kiddlywink is that food is food. While there are no emotional labels of good foods or bad foods, there most certainly are everyday food and occasional foods. But no food is off limits, if it's age appropriate for her, and our family.

So, for dinner tonight when we were all in a giggly, happy silly mood, I decided to have a dinner to match: Homemade beef burger patties, samboy chicken chips, sliced granny smith apples, dill pickles; and dessert was simple biscuits/cookies that we'd made before dinner and then iced on our plates at the table. It was even the simplest of icing sugars..icing sugar mixture with rose pink food colouring and water..all plopped out of a small hole in the corner of a freezer bag.

Fun, simple, and we're all completely satisfied.

What makes me realise we are doing what's right for her, and the eating principles we decided on before she was born, to try and avoid--as much as we're able to influence her eating habits--any disordered eating in the future, she said the exact same thing tonight after eating dinner that she'd said after eating the range of nutritionally sound salads and meals she ate earlier this week. "Yum, Mummy, that was delish!"


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Body Shame.

I've been doing a lot of reading lately of blogs and articles, plus reading or listening to conversations about how women are taught to be ashamed: Of our bodies, of ourselves, of our right to take up space in this world, to be heard, to have a voice, to be noticed, hell, just to damn well BE.

And it's got me thinking about my body. I've done a lot of work on my self confidence, on my fitness, studying my eating and my emotions, a lot of ways to address the reasons why I am fat. Looking back over my archives I have touched on body shame, but only briefly.


I haven't sat with how I felt about what was done to me.
About how I felt when it occurred.
I hadn't started to process how I feel now, about what happened then.
Not until today that is.
Nor had I truly realised all that I felt in the moment that it occurred.

I'm talking about the first time I remember feeling Body Shame.

After my car accident and the start of puberty I remember feeling confused by my new body.
I remember being angry that I had to act differently, have different rules for what I could or could not wear.
I remember wearing long tops because I was uncomfortable with my new body.
Angry that motion sickness plus an hourglass figure meant I couldn't be a gymnast anymore.
But I don't remember feeling ashamed of my body.
Not until other people showed me, at the age of 14 or 15, that I had something to be ashamed about.

I clearly remember being up north for a cousin's wedding.
I remember, mostly enjoying, catching up with relatives I hadn't seen in about five years.
I remember thinking how worldly those cousins seemed to my sexually innocent self.
I clearly remember my favourite Aunty defending me, from myself, when I called myself ugly.

I also clearly remembering one of the times a whole lot of us were playing in the swimming pool. (two slightly younger female cousins, one much younger female cousin, one older and one younger male cousin, two uncles, my dad, my brother, and me.)
We were all taking turns showing off by running along the grass and doing tricks into the pool.
Anything the boys could do, I could do just as well, sometimes even better. Tuck jumps, bombs, splits, twirls, somersaults. handstands into the pool and on the bottom of the pool etc.
My brother and I were definitely the best at underwater laps of the pool.

It was all fun and games until someone did a straddle jump.

I don't remember who it was, or even if there was more than one that did a straddle jump, but it was definitely one of the boys that did it first.
AH HA! Being more flexible, this was definitely one I could do better. So I clambered out of the pool and got myself ready for my run up down the grassy verge. And as I neared the pool to do it as well, all of a sudden all the older guys, even my dad, are yelling, "No, no no, Kada, Don't!"
I did it anyway. A perfect straddle jump, higher, longer and better than any I'd done before. Tell me I can't do something, would ya!

Now, my dad has always been a feminist. He's always advocated for his sisters while growing up, for women in sport, women in general; and ME in particular!
So, if he was, along with all the others, yelling no no no, then there was something wrong with me and my body that meant I couldn't do the same as the boys.

Years later as I matured I kind of got an inkling of what they were doing and why.
These days I'm fully aware of  how the leap can be construed as a sexualised position.
As an innocent girl simply having fun in the pool with her family, all I knew was that my body was wrong, somehow. And I internalised that thought so deep that it affected a lot of my life, my self esteem, my body image, and my relationships, without me having any knowledge of that fact whatsoever!

Now it's been unearthed and, holy FUCK, am I READY to DEAL with it!


Monday, May 06, 2013

Looong Walk! Part Two.

Part One end with me experiencing an endorphin high... So, I kept walking.

Then I noticed the streeet I'd just crossed was most probably the one where my brother and I had stopped to buy a snack; on another lovely day similar to this one, a VERY long time ago, when we'd decided to see if we could walk to visit Daddy at work. It was in that moment I realised just how far we, and the dog, had walked that day as very young children, and that my daughter was a similar age to when we'd done it. Cast in that light, my memories weren't as clever, as funny, or as pleasing. I sympathised with my parents' point of view just how bad that day had been for them. Boy, did I have some apologising to do when I got home! LOL

There were a few more pauses for traffic lights, at one I finished off another portion of the beef jerky, and all of a sudden I felt the urge to find some bushes. Plenty of bushes...but since it was also a city street, plenty of witnesses! I stayed calm because a couple of blocks ahead there was a sports oval. Public toilets, hooray! But, they're usually pretty yucky...and wait a minute, where the hell ARE they?! 

I asked a 50ish lady jogging by if she knew where they were, and she pointed at an oblique angle across the oval. Crap, I didn't know if I could make it or not, when another 60+ lady jogging along said, "Go in there!" and pointed to one of our Aussie Rules Football Club's social clubrooms. "Just walk in like you own the joint."

Grinning, I thanked them both, then did just that! And being in the brazen spirit of things, I filled my water bottle up at a water fountain while I was at it. lol

That was the 4.5 mile mark. Coming back out I realised I'd begun to be a little footsore, time to get new runners I thought, and then walked on along the nature strip. (WHAT DO other countries call that strip of grass between the foot path and the road with a few trees planted here and there. You know, where dogs usually crap on?) 

Feeling fatigued at the 5.25 mile mark, I crossed to the middle of the road to rest one ankle that had started to complain a little. Everyone else sitting at the tram stop looked at me a little funny when I didn't get on it as it pulled up, but I was really enjoying the rest of the beef jerky and felt rejuvenated after a drink of water.  I sat a little longer, debating what to do. Especially when the car place texted me to say the car was ready. I was tempted to stop but saw the bright yellow Beaurepaire building and that huuuge Aussie flag in the middle of the Haymarket roundabout were beckoning me on, so I kept going. 

(Image courtesy of the Herald Sun)

The thing about them being such a BRIGHT yellow and such a BIG flagpole...the distance was a little deceptive. Halfway there I got the giggles as the ridiculousness of it hit me, and had to lean against a tree to catch my breath. I felt like it was one of those dreams where the destination keeps receding the closer you get to it. And then I had The Song That Doesn't End stuck in my head for a little while.

I finally stopped at the tram stop just past the roundabout.
I started the walk at 8:50am and sat at the tram stop at 11:33am.
According to Livestrong Loops, that was 5.83miles! Or 9.38kms!
In all honesty, I must admit it is a downward grade most of the way but...{victory dance} I did it, I did IT, I DID IT!
Then I caught the tram down to Flinders Street station. There I bought a ham, cheese, and pickles sandwich and a puzzles magazine.While enjoying sitting in the sun at the tram stop, I did several puzzles, interspersed with getting up to stretch periodically. A few hours later I caught the tram allll the way back to the end of the line..and then did another several hundred meters walk back to the car place.

I wonder if that's the key for me, taking punishment out of the equation. I won't exercise to Lose Weight or Get Fit but instead I'll exercise simply for the joy of being in the moment. 
And holy crap did I enjoy the moment when I sat down at that tram stop, so very much farther than I had ever intended to walk. 
And again when I got home and plotted out just how far I'd walked. 
And the slight DOMS that appeared the following morning in my bum, legs and feet. 
And again when the pain was gone the day following after that.
Alas it wasn't the moment that never ends. Now I'm wondering what I might like to achieve this month that won't have entered my mind until the moment it takes me to decide to do it.

I started the day annoyed and ended it tired but elated.

P.S. That walk really was too much for my shoes and they gave up the ghost a week later. LOL


Sunday, May 05, 2013

Loong Walk! Part One.

I started the day out annoyed. 

My dad had made the car appointment for 8am. That meant I had to get Kiddlywink up and drop her off at daycare earlier than she's normally having breakfast. It didn't help that I'd been up late the night before! (It is their car that they're allowing us to use, so I didn't complain and went with the time he'd been able to arrange.)

With Kiddlywink safely, but tearily, deposited at daycare I dropped the car off for its service. (Did I mention neither of us had had time to eat breakfast? Luckily, they allowed Kiddlywink to take in her hash brown, that I'd purchased because I hadn't been there so early before and wasn't sure what time the daycare scheduled breakfast.) I settled on a couch in the waiting area to enjoy the free latte provided. It was doubly appreciated because the McDonald's drive thru had forgotten my coffee when I ordered my bacon and egg mcmuffin, and I had neither the time nor inclination to wait for them to put the order through a second time. Luckily they didn't charge me for it or I would have had to return later to get my money back

While drinking my, surprisingly delicious, coffee, I idly picked up a magazine, one I wouldn't normally read, and found some brilliant recipes. I finished my coffee and the trashy magazine around the same time. Depositing the glass cup back on the bench, I crossed the showroom floor to ask the receptionist a favour. She obliged and photocopied the few pages I requested. YUM! New recipes to try out for dinner in a few days.

 I looked at the time, all of this had only taken twenty minutes. Shit! By their estimate I still had at least two or more hours to go. I was wearing sweat/tracksuit pants and a t-shirt, I was only carrying my backpack purse/handbag and, looking out the window, it was a lovely day. There and then, I decided to go for a walk. 

Most importantly, I promised myself I would only stop walking when I stopped enjoying myself. This wasn't exercise, this was for enjoyment.

At the half mile mark, I realised I'd left my water bottle in the car. Having lived in this neighbourhood during my first stint living out of home I knew there was a supermarket not too far ahead, so I kept walking. I also kept reassuring myself that there would be water soon and that I was okay. Arriving at the supermarket I browsed through it and bought an orange, a banana, some beef jerky, a nut bar and a litre of water, then I briefly sat to organise it into my back pack.

I'd been walking a few more blocks down the road when I realised I was getting hot. Crossing over to the shady side of the street helped for another mile or so, but eventually I rolled my trackie pants up to my knees. Daggy looking but effective! I felt really pleased at this point, because not only was I feeling good with how far I'd already walked, I wouldn't have walked at all awhile this temperature...wearing this particular fleecy pair of pants.

A banana and some beef jerky kept my spirits up, as did the sign that said the suburb I was aiming for was only 2 kms away. I knew I could do it. The more I settled into the groove of one foot in front of the other, with the occasional rest for pedestrian crossings, the more my subconscious started to be unsettled. The longer I walked the farther down memory lane I travelled. Soon I was walking in the area where my ex-boyfriend used to live. This was a good thing. A walking meditation began to take shape and I processed some more stuff from my past. This too buoyed my emotions and I noticed I was walking with a jaunty step.

When I got to the town hall of the suburb that I'd grown up in, my original vague destination in mind, I realised I was feeling GOOD. I've only experienced it a few times in my life, and certainly not recently, but I was having an endorphin high. 

(To Be Continued...)


Saturday, April 06, 2013

Autumnal Advances Completed.

Autumn started with another heat wave, so I found myself spending a lot of weeks 4 and 5 using my Stick It To Summer techniques to beat the heat.

Week 4:
Day 1: fast half hour walk with Jack the dog.
Day 2: 1/2 hour walk
Day 3: 1/2 hour swim
Day 4: 1 hour water aerobics

Week 5:
Day 1: 1/2 hour walk (to shops and caught bus back)
Day 2: 1 hour water aerobics
Day 3: 1 hour walk (real time 2 hours at Zoo on a hot morning plus walking to train stops etc)
Day 4: 1 hour water aerobics. Swam 25m butterfly afterwards.
There was also a day of unstructured exercise: 1 1/2 hours playing in the pool

Week 6:
Day 1: 1/2 hour walk
Day 2: 55 mins water aerobics (menstrual time..wouldn't have gone at all previously)
Day 3: 45 mins water aerobics (see day 2)

Week 7:
Day 1: 1 hour water aerobics.
Think I overdid it last week, was exhausted all week.

Week 8:
Day 1: 1.5 hour walk 4.9 kms
(the next day, played in pool for 1.5 hours again)
Day 2: 1 hour water aerobics (swam two laps, with a short break in between, of butterfly)
Day 3: 1 hour walk
Day 4: 1 hour walk

Week seven I spent utterly exhausted.
Emotionally I'd been beating myself up during week 6 and had lost my joy of exercise. I did make progress in that I'd avoided doing water aerobics while menstruating and got over that excuse this month. (If the girls in the ads can go horse riding etc, I can do water aerobics LOL)
Week seven,--after several days rest--was when I realised that I'd been castigating myself for being exhausted and struggling to make my four days a week target. When in reality I'd progressed from 1/2 an hour 4 time per week, my original target, to doing an HOUR two or three times a week and was attempting to make it four times a week BEFORE I was ready for it. I'd gotten myself all confused and thus overexercising happened and I ended up exhausted.
After my rest I felt much better during week eight, mentally AND physically, and now that I know I'm working towards a target of an hour 4 times per week I'm excited again.

BUT I'm not falling into that trap. I'm keeping my targets for the next challenge to 30 mins 4 times per week also. More than that is fine, but if I set 60 minute targets and fail, then I'm sabotaging myself.

I'd prefer to be motivating myself instead! Bring on Marvellous May! (KW's 4th birthday, my parent's 40th wedding anniversary, my 10th wedding anniversary, And mother's day. So definitely a Marvellous May indeed, this year!)


Thursday, April 04, 2013

Clothes maketh the (wo)man

After Kiddlywink was born, I bought a pair of soft, cotton bermuda shorts from the plus size section of my local Target. I loved the comfort of the all over t-shirty cotton feel, even the waist band was all the same material and no zipper to pop open at inconvenient moments.

I especially loved how the longer line didn't ride up as I walked. I liked them so much I got a couple more pair in the XXL I was wearing, plus three pair of XL and an ever-hopeful single pair of L.

Today when I was on the way out the door I threw on a pair of the bermuda shorts I'd grabbed out of the drawer, to go for my walk. (The shorts I'd been wearing around the house ride right up if I walk any distance more than to the clothesline and back!)

The shorts felt a bit firm, so I asked my mum to check the tag in the back.

"Large" she said.

Fist pump and a loud "YESSSS!", did I.

(The last time I accidentally grabbed them out of the drawer, six months ago, they wouldn't even go up past my bum.) 

Suck it, scales!


Friday, March 15, 2013

What motivates you?

Before I started the exercise challenges, when I was first trying to get back into doing exercise on a regular basis, I was trying out the reward system. I've tried many examples of this before; if I lose Xkgs I get thus and so. If I do blah blah exercise in this much time I'll do the other thing. This hasn't worked for me in the past.

I've since figured out I'm more of an immediate gratification kind of person.

On the picture below, above the coloured rectangles, you might be able to see strips of liquid paper. That's where I deleted "I cannot read any more books, or watch any more movies, until I reach 98kgs" and below the grid was "GOAL 98KGS!!!" This was initially designed to get me out of binging on books and movies which I'd substituted for food binges. No surprise there, it didn't work. I felt deprived and more inclined to binge.

The deprivation part of the message was clouding the reward part which was putting money aside each time I did exercise. Once I started exercising more regularly, I dropped the dollar amount down because I realised it was too much, both financially and as a token of my success.

See these coloured portions of the grid?

Each one of these rectangles represents 30 minutes of exercise completed.
Each rectangle means one dollar saved towards a reward for me.
A fitness related reward, because that's what floats my boat at the moment.
Equipment, or gym/pool membership, exercise clothes, the sky's the limit.
Each square I colour in, each dollar coin I put in the money box that's directly below the piece of paper hung on my bedroom wall--right near the light switch, so I see it all the time--is an investment in myself and my continued good health.
Picking up the pen and colouring in a square, followed by the rustle of the plastic coin bag then the clunking of the coin into the money box; that provides me with more satisfaction than I would ever have believed possible.

What are some things, big or small, that motivate you?


Sunday, March 10, 2013


I chose to put food in my mouth, instead of feel my emotions.

I chose to live in America, rather than make my fiance choose between me and his home country.

I chose to fake it, instead of making it.

I chose to fix other people's problems, instead of my own.

I chose to eat intuitively, rather than count calories.

I chose to move back home, whether my husband was coming with us or not.

I chose to let him make up his own mind, instead of giving him an ultimatum.

I chose to pay the expense of therapy, rather than continue to do it on my own.

I chose to live at home with my parents, instead of forcing my family into a situation we weren't equipped for yet.

I chose to stop being afraid of my disease, and started living within its constraints.

I chose to learn how to work around some of those constraints, instead of letting them define me.

I chose to only have one child, rather than risk my life and my health for her potential sibling.

I chose to change Kiddlywink's daycare attendance, to suit my exercise schedule.

I chose to learn portion control from Lite'n'Easy, rather than be disappointed I wasn't losing weight.

I chose for us to go to the park and play, rather than give up when we arrived after the pool had closed.

I chose to suggest McDonald's sundaes by the lake, rather than bemoan it was TOO HOT too do anything!

I chose to eat pizza for dinner tonight, rather than something healthier, that I didn't want.

I chose to ignore the inner voice that shouted "family size", after Alaskaboy said he would order a large.

I chose to listen to my intuition which told me Kiddlywink wanted veggies, and learned that I did too.

I chose to cook, then cool, cauliflower, instead of eating a salad I didn't want.

I chose to eat two pieces of pizza plus the cauliflower, instead of gorging on four.

I chose to eat two pieces rather than one and a half, instead of eating more later because I'd felt denied.

I chose a few bites of emotional eating, it was better for my mental health than portion control tonight.

We all make hundreds of choices every day.

I'm learning to make better ones.

I'm making choices to be a healthy person, rather than the choices of a person on a diet.


Because I chose to believe Whitney when she sang about the greatest love of all.

I make my own choices.

Not a scale, not a diet, not anyone else.

I'm me, and it's MY choice.


Friday, March 08, 2013

Autumnal Advances Update.

Halfway through Autumnal Advances and it still feels like summer! But, there has been several positive advances for me. :)

Week 1.
Day 1: 1/2 hour wii fit, including 10 minute session of boxing, YAY! It was hard, and the foot choreography and the wii remotes not registering some of my punches was giving me the shits so I modified it, but I did it for the full ten minutes!
Day 2: 1 hour water aerobics.
The rest of the week I rested the sore tendons in my hands. (D'oh! It's only as I'm writing this, I realised it was probably from the boxing!)
Week 2.
Most of the week I had a stomach bug.
Fit in Day 1 on the final day of the week: 1 hour water aerobics.
Week 3.
Day 1: 1 hour water aerobics (Was able to front foot touch)
Day 2: 4.3 km walk in 1 hour. Personal best in over four years!
Week 4.
Day 1: 1/2 hour fast walk..with Jack the dog who pulls REALLY hard, so it was an upper body workout too. LOL
Day 2: 1/2 hour walk
Day 3: 1/2 hour swim..Kiddlywink also had personal bests today, learned new skills in the pool; including among others a) doing a bum bounce on the bottom of the pool, b) touching her hands to the bottom of the pool! (With a little directional assist from my hands around her waist..but still!)
Day 4: 1 hour water aerobics. Made SURE this happened even though we had a chockablock full day.

AND Alaskaboy and I even managed to have our first real date in over six months. Lunch at Taco bill in the city which was lovely in and of itself...but! It was a hot day and I parked over four blocks away and we walked TO to the restaurant AND back. Wouldn't have even contemplated that two months ago.

Physically I'm noticing all kinds of changes to my body.
This week for the first time since I was about 4 months pregnant, when looking down I can see the parts of the lap sash on my seat belt that wraps across my hips. Still can't see the rest of it, but seeing any part is HUGE news for me.
My arms are starting to look like my arms again.
My feet don't feel AS sore when I stand for long periods of time.
While standing, it's more comfortable to pick up and hold Kiddlywink...although she's growing like a weed and doesn't fit in my lap as well any more!
I've had to get rid of my larger size of bras because they really don't fit any more.
I'm starting to notice my waist again.
Standing at a pedestrian crossing yesterday I was shocked when I realised my feet were standing closer together than usual, not braced apart to bear my weight. And straight after that I noticed I was walking across the crosswalk..not waddling quite as much as even three weeks ago. (If that makes sense!)
All my clothes are fitting even better.
My foam wedge isn't as comfortable in bed any more, I have less padding again so I'm starting to be like the princess and the pea once more.

And today, on day 1 of week five, I walked back to the shopping centre again, and this time it seemed a comfortable walk. It helped that we took the bus home again because it was too hot after finishing shopping..but even on the walk TO the shop I commented to my mum that it seemed like a doable walk, not an OMG-will-I-make-it walk.


Friday, February 22, 2013

A Dear John Letter.

Dear (Weight Loss Club),

Health, to me, is about so much more than weight on a scale. I've been achieving Non-Scale Victories for several months now, and feeling stronger and more confident because of those. The last few times I've come in to weigh-in, I left feeling disheartened and angry. I was having to pay fines for gaining weight, even though it was muscle weight. And being penalised for progress was not good for my mental health, nor my wallet!

I've struggled with this decision for six months now and have at last come to a firm decision. While I believe that the (weight loss club) philosophy is a wonderful one--and I love (name of my branch) club--personally, at the moment, it is not a good fit for me.

So, even though I support you all, and especially my mum as Leader, I must resign from the club. (I will continue to put the weekly and annual fees towards other fitness uses though!)

I wish you all the best success in doing what works for your own healthy minds, bodies, spirits, and lifestyles.




Non-Scale Victory: Water Aerobics.

OH! I had a Non-Scale Victory during yesterday's water aerobics class.

For the first time since starting water aerobics classes again, I was able to touch my foot while doing this move! (Our instructor doesn't use dumbbells for this part of the class though)

I was SO excited! I was telling everyone I could in the class that I'd done it. That's one of the things that I love about clas activities, the encouragement when you make progress. :D

I'm also looking forward to being able to touch my foot in the back as well.


Friday, February 08, 2013

Autumnal Advances

I liked the Stick It To Summer challenge so much that I'll be doing another one.
Start date 8th February - finish date 4th April.
Advance means steady progress.
I also love the word reminds me of both my favourite season, and Mr Tumnus.
So in keeping with my word of the year, Consistent; my new challenge will be called Autumnal Advances.

(3-4 days exercise per week.
30 minutes per day.)



Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Photographic Results.

At the end of Stick It To Summer's the photos.
First photo 17th December, second photo 6th February. Can you spot any difference in body shape/composition or fit of clothes? I can! :) 
(Sorry, I do know the zooms are a little different on the initial photos.)


Weeks 5 Through 8!

Wow, the last month has flown by!

Week 5:
Day 1: after the energetic week last week, I struggled to do 1/2 hr Wii Fit today.
Day 2: this was exciting!   
12 weeks ago, it never even entered my mind.
5 weeks ago, I vaguely thought, " day."
3 weeks ago, I said, "Remember when I used to do it years ago?"
Today, I did it.
It = walking to the local shopping centre and back. Although today it = pushing Kiddlywink in the pram to her school, which is in the same strip mall as the shopping centre, and then pushing the empty pram back again.

Day 3: 1/2 hr walk.

Week 6:
Day 1: 1 hour walk. Normally I have to stop two or three times along this particular route. Today I did it non-stop. Beating the heat strategy...carrying a golf umbrella to stave off the direct sunlight. 

The rest of week 6 and all of week 7 were a complete bust because I had a deeply congestive cold that made it hard enough to breathe while sitting still..and gave me nausea, feelings of faintness and extreme wobbliness if I did anything too strenuous..such as getting out of bed!

Week 8:
I finished on a high note though.
Day 1:
45 mins water aerobics. This was easier than 8 weeks ago.
Day 2: 1 hour wii fit..with new personal bests all over the place! I noticed it's easier to lift my legs too while marching/aerobics etc because my pannus is less.
Day 3: 1/2 hr swim.
Day 4: 1 hour walk. Again the umbrella came in handy.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013


After a very restless night, I carried Kiddlywink to the car the other morning. She woke up most of the way while I drove my mum to work..and was extremely hungry minutes later. I went through the drive through and ordered her some hotcakes and a hash brown.
When I got to the payment window I asked the cashier if Kiddlywink could order some pretend pancakes for her toy. Most cashiers are good about letting her say hello or pretend ordering. This one, I was ready to smash in the face by the time she was done.

She agreed, then I pulled forward so the back window was level with her station. I wound down the window and Kiddlywink said, "May I order some pretend pancakes for my piggy?" (Her angry birds' green pig blanket that my aunt bought for her)
Cashier, "Does your teddy bear want some pancakes?"
Kiddlywink, "No, I'd like some for my piggy please!" and she held up the pig face hood to face the cashier.
The cashier said, "But your teddy bear will get fat..." and proceeded to hold her hands out two feet apart.
There was confused silence from the back of the car for a few beats, then, "But, they're only pretend pancakes and piggy's very hungry."
Cashier, "Eating all those hotcakes will make your teddy fat."

Me..."Right thanks, have a nice day." I drove forward a little bit..and before we even got to the next window.."Why will they make piggy fat, and why did she keep saying teddy?"
ME, "Because she was being silly wasn't she?"
KW, "Yes. Piggy is very hungry, and so am I."

After putting her food on the passenger seat, because she'd decided she wanted to eat them at home, I said to her, "It's okay for anyone to eat pancakes when they're hungry. And besides piggies are supposed to be fat, it makes them taste better! Yummy meat."
KW, "Nooo, that's not meat, it's mud! You don't eat mud!"

I love that KW has no hang ups about food. All foods are equal, nothing is emotionally charged because it's forbidden.
Fancy saying "Your teddy will get fat"! To a three year old? Especially when she's just ordered the same thing to eat.
After all that, the hash brown wasn't in the after she'd finished what she wanted to eat of the pancakes, we went back up to the store to complain. I also rang in front of KW to let them know about the missing item. No standing back and saying, "It doesn't matter."
Mistakes are all right, she knows that..but she also knows that when you pay for something, it's proper to receive what you bought.
okay, rant over.


Thursday, January 10, 2013

Stick It To Summer: Week Four Update.

Day 1 of exercise was Day 2 of the heat wave and thankfully it was a few degrees cooler than the day before, I managed 1/2 an hour of Wii Fit.

Day 2 was a surprise because in spite of it being hot, I completed a whole hour on the Wii Fit! 1/2 an hour of that though was to make up for not completing the days last week. How much am I putting my health first? I even kept exercising while Skyping with my sister-in-law and nieces. They got a good view of my huffing and puffing and my bum going jiggly wiggle..but that's no different than if they'd been in the same room with me anyway. ;) Xmas presents got opened, conversation was had, exercise was done, wins all round!

Day 3 was an even bigger surprise for me because yet again I did an hour of Wii Fit. Even better, I did a personal best on the hula hoop part..and it didn't hurt as much as it has. In fact I felt stronger! And this was after three days in a row of exercise!

After day 3 I realised I'm enjoying exercise again. Some days it is a chore, but a lot of the time now I look forward to getting up and doing whatever activity I'm doing that day.

Day 4 I was excited to go to water aerobics because Alaskaboy was also joining me for the class. Except..I'd read the wrong week of the holiday schedule, and there was no class. So, we asked for dumbbells and pool noodles and did a 45 min water aerobics work out anyway!
Then, I had a rest day. The body was tired but willing, and the brain was saying "Gimme those endorphins!" but I knew if I did another day I'd be being an over eager puppy again and would pay for it later.

Today I feel good and am looking forward to my first 5 day week in a very long time. A sensible 5 day week too where I AM enjoying the exercise, not punishing myself with physical activity. Will update later with what I end up doing today.

UPDATE: Even more sensibly, I realised that the 5th bout of exercise this week was me being overexcited. When my body said, "ehem, I'm actually quite tired, lovey." I listened and had a rest day instead.


Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Woohoo! And YUM!

With the Stick It To Summer challenge starting on a day that isn't one of the traditional starts to the week, I had failed to notice something very exciting, at least to me. I've exercised five out of the last seven days. :)
No wonder I was super starving and wanted my dinner meal at lunch time today. Mmm, shiraz, oregano and garlic marinated lamb loin chops, with bruschetta, roasted baby potatoes, and thickly sliced mushrooms sauteed in the chop drippings.

(I ended up saving some of the mushrooms and one chop for a midafternoon snack. Felt weird again, stopping when I was full, rather than letting my taste buds dictate how much I ate. My stomach thanked me though.)


Week Three Update.

It's been a very hot week this week.
I managed a 40 minute walk on Day 1. But, those 40 minutes took me a greater distance than I've gone in months, in warmer weather than I've walked in years, and included up and down a hill. So for me that was a non-scale victory.

Day 2 was walking from the farthest point in the shopping centre car park, and then several laps inside the shopping centre, before settling into the actual grocery buying. If I missed an item, I went the long way around the store to get back to where I needed to go. All in all I managed the 30 mins of exercise-style walking in amongst the grocery shopping. Again, a non-scale victory because before I would have sat at home in the bath tub full of cold water and sweated out the hot day.

Day 3 was way too friggen hot. (Temperatures INSIDE the house were still 35.3C/95.6F at 9pm!) Not only was it hot but I was busy, being home alone with both my grandmother and Kiddlywink as Mum was covering shifts for a coworker. Nan had several visits from council healthcare workers/assessment appointments etc which took at least four hours out of my day, without including anything else that needed to be done. Again, another non-scale victory because I took care of two others plus myself, without wallowing in the bath until everyone else was home in the evening.

With missing one day this week, I will be adding another half hour into next week to cover it. You know, like normal people do. Not obsessive MUST MAKE UP FOR IT kind of exercise like I've done in the past. It's more, I'm enjoying the exercise and after the heatwave it'll be enjoyable to exercise during the comfortable summer heat. Wow, that was a bit of cognitive dissonance writing that last sentence. lol