Friday, August 27, 2010

Distraught.

The last few days I've been so distressed I've barely been able to eat. The CPAP machine, that wonderful life saving device I use to help me breathe while I'm asleep, is steadily screwing up my face. And I don't mean in a cosmetic sense.

It's literally shoving my lower jaw to the side by at least half a centimeter so far, receding my gums, making my molars and incisors lean inward like the Tower of Pisa, and all my other teeth as a result are screwing up as well. For those of you that have had braces or similar dental work, you know that horrible dull ache I'm talking about. Add to that an occasional sensation similar to when you eat too much wasabi in one go (albeit not quite as intense, but definitely those kind of prickles up the sinus cavity), a headache and a sore ear = a physically miserable me.

That's just the physical side. The emotional and mental anguish are seriously off the scale. I'm so angry that, yet again, there's a bitter pill to swallow in amongst the joyousness. This teeth thing aside, I'm ecstatic about how much more alert I am, how much more energy is flowing through my system. Most especially with how much more I'm the mum I want to be to Kiddlywink. And then this teeth/jaw thing happened and I've freaked the hell out.

Pure and simple, I need the cpap to live. Not only live but have good quality of life. But with how much my teeth and jaw have moved the past few nights, what damage will happen over the next months/years?

A respiratory technician from the medical supply company was s'posed to come out yesterday to help try on different masks to see if they'd help. But when I told him the actual problem, and after he spoke to his supervisor, there's nothing they can do for me.I have to see my sleep doctor tomorrow and hope that he can give me a solution that keeps my teeth and jaw happy while allowing me to live to a ripe old age, without also screwing up anything else!

And oh how I want to live. Apart from living my own life, I have a gorgeous girl who needs me, and I need to see her grow up.

I know I need that cpap. I fell asleep one night without it, too scared to put it on because of what it's do to my jaw/teeth, and it stayed on the pillow beside me. I woke up two hours later gasping for breath and with my heart absolutely pounding in my chest. Not too long ago, that was normal. Now that my body is refreshed I now know how awful/bad my body actually feels when I sleep without the cpap working.

I'm hoping and praying that the doctor can help me, because if he can't...I don't know how to cope. Living in fear of one's life is no way to live, lemme tell you!

1 Nibbles:

Denise said...

Good luck! I really hope they have a solution for you- keep pestering them until you get one that you like and works for you!