Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Two posts in one day!

Lulled by how quiet she'd been for so long, I forgot to stay away from the quarantine area.

First, it was a whispered comment here and there as I passed by the door.
Then, like a cook does to frogs in a pot of cold water, she began to slowly increase the heat.
Eventually, she was murmuring a running commentary.

Under cover of this white noise, there was rattling of the cage walls whenever my attention was elsewhere.
As sure as night follows day, poking and prodding of the security system came next.
Seeing me passing by on such a regular basis, the guards began to lapse in their vigilance.
All too soon she had befriended them and she could come and go as she pleased.

Content for the moment, she revelled in her freedom, tagging along quietly in my wake.
Soon, the whispering began again.
Gentle nudges, blowing in an ear, pointing out pertinent sights, all of this and more followed as each success emboldened further efforts to guide me into seeing and doing only what she wanted.
Like any experienced rider, the accoutrements were all fitted into place in good order, then she mounted up.
And kept a firm seat.

Until today.
Somehow the bit was between my teeth and I ran with the unexpected freedom of it all.
With every drop of sweat that formed, her grip on the reins loosened.
With every inhale and exhale, she became closer to being unseated.
With every successful completion of a new activity, my confidence grew.

When I came to a halt, glorious in my rosy glow, my legs a tremble, and sucking in a well-earned drink, I realised a weight on my back had indeed come unstuck.

No wonder I've been dragging lately. I've been piggybacking LSED* everywhere I go!

I've known for years now that my confidence is bolstered by my strong body and good health. I didn't truly realise a major part of my self-concept relies on my good health and strong body. First the antibiotic reaction, then the birth aftermath, no wonder LSED was able to get out of her cage after I'd shoved here in so tight she could barely move.

Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed my increasing fitness with the activities I have been doing, but like so many things--with LSED's help, no doubt--mostly all I could see was how far I'd fallen from my previous abilities. Step-Aerobic-type exercise has been out of the picture for years now. Chances for nearly instant gratification for small challenges has been almost nonexistent also.

Ever since the first trimester of my pregnancy I've felt like I was going backwards instead of forwards. I'd worked so hard to improve from the antibiotic and there I was having to curb myself while my body did this other completely amazing and wonderful thing all on its own.

But now! I feel like all those painfully tiny steps I've been taking for so long have finally come together to be a noticeable and quantifiable progression forward.

As for LSED? She's gone into hiding. Looks like I'll need to keep building my strength and stamina for the upcoming hunt and recapture! {grin}

*For the latecomers, LSED = Low Self Esteem Demon

0 Nibbles: