Thursday, September 10, 2009

Shocked.

I went in for my yearly pap smear today. Having noticed several places I've slimmed down between last month's swimsuit shot and this month's photo, I was eager to get on the scales to see how those missing inches related to pounds lost.

I hadn't lost a thing.

In fact I've pretty much done the far opposite of losing weight.

I've gained 18lbs in 3 months. I'm now only 1 lb lighter than I was when I was 34 weeks pregnant!

Thus Denise's Comment on my Control Issues post is rather timely.

After having my son, I felt like I had to do everything right away- baby announcements, thank yous, laundry, and so on. I killed myself. I didn't allow myself to enjoy my baby and to enjoy my time at home with my baby. At the same time though, I still didn't do what my body needed. Now that you have a baby, it is a matter of finding that time for yourself---that includes time for managing a diet---and I don't mean diet as in counting calories. It takes time to meal plan and just think about eating better. I found it very difficult to just put Aiden in a stroller and go for a walk. You will get there---that's my point. A lot has changed in your life, and you can only take one day at a time and learn how to incorporate your needs back into it while still making the day work with all the schedules you know have!


The only way I can think of for me to have gained these 18lbs, while getting slimmer, is for the amount of water I retained earlier in the post-partum period to have been very great as opposed to my fat percent. But due to the amount of inactivity and lack of sleep I've been getting, the fat has been piling on even though the edema is going away.

And if I'm to admit to the soul searching I did on the way home, while eating the hamburger combo I'd driven thru to buy, is that my eating hasn't been as intuitive as I thought it had been. Yes, WHAT I was eating was intuitive, but the amounts certainly haven't been. Also due to the lack of sleep and lack of time etc, my intuition has been asking for far too many quick, easy meals of late. Sure, we've been eating the meals out of the freezer, but to be completely truthful, I've been eating take away food at least twice a week also. It's not all junk food, but it still is restaurant quality food, and as we all know that equals excess amounts of everything in the meals. The meals in the freezer, whilst nutritious, really don't contain enough veggies in them either. Instead of eating side veggies with them, I've merely eaten my fill of those dishes at each sitting. I also haven't been eating much fruit any more. Funny, the first few weeks postpartum I ate fruit every single day. I s'pose it was easier to with my slaves present to handle other things, or to slice up a bowl of something and hand it to me while I was pumping milk.

As Denise said though, everything is SO MUCH MORE of an effort. I might be taking the time to enjoy being a parent to Kiddlywink, but I'm not taking the time to make wiser meal choices. I also haven't been exercising as much as I'd like. Again, because it's such an effort. Walking is great to help heal from a c-section. However, with how stinking hot it's been during the day, and how exhausted I am by the relative cool of the evening, my planned daily, or even every other day, walk hasn't been happening. Some days it's hard enough to get dressed or to find time for a five minute shower, let alone cook a bloody meal. And cooking equals more dishes. {sigh}


LOL Shit! I just remembered I used to think it was too much of a bother to go swimming or exercise every day. I wanna reach back in time and slap myself. All I was responsible for was getting me to and from the pool, or out the door to walk/whatever. Now I have to take all my stuff plus everything for Kiddlywink as well. Most often I end up feeding her in the change rooms before we come back home again. Talk about an excursion!

I'm starting to sound like I'm complaining. Ugh. I'm not really, it's just a bit of a shock to realise that even though I've been kind to my body by resting as I can, that I've also been fooling myself about how bad I've been treating myself otherwise. And fooling myself about how much I've been using Kiddlywink and my tiredness as an excuse. I'm only going to get tireder the fatter I get!

It' hard to realise that now, I HAVE to start taking the time to exercise and cook. That even though all I can do is put a few groceries in the bottom of the stroller for each trip, then that's what I have to do. So what if I have to go twice this week just to get a nice amount of veggies/fruit, so be it. We're out, we didn't get time to go this weekend, so I have to suck it up and do it. Am figuring I'll probably get a fair few frozen veg, but hey, at least they're better than nothing! And they stand more chance of me finding time to cook them and eat them.

Anyone else, especially you Mums/Dads and those of you that work full time or have very busy schedules, got tips for how to ease on back into this exercising and cooking healthy stuff?

2 Nibbles:

Denise said...

Just like you said- frozen veggies. Also try to just chill in the morning while it is hot and do the errands a bit later in the day...maybe your hubby can watch the baby for an hour for you to go for that walk when you are just too pooped. Who knows...you might feel better after!

Alaskagirl said...

There are baby games that have been modified to be exercise for Mom. I remember seeing them in Parents magazine when my kids were young. I bet you can find them on the web somewhere, and Kiddleywink is at the age to enjoy them. I tried some of them, but I was back at work when mine were old enough, and the time was always needed for something else. "Grand Old Duke of York" with varying body parts was a good one.