Tuesday, June 24, 2008

All Over The Place aka Stream of Conciousness.

First off I wanted to say a big Thank You to everyone who comments on my blog. You lovely people are a big part of helping me through all of this. Your support is invaluable. Lurkers, you're also nice. {wink}

Second, Nan has an ulcer. Thankfully this means it is indeed fixable. She also had two new great-grandkids born over the weekend, this coupled with her receiving medication for the ulcer has left her looking perkier than she has in a while. (At least that's what those on the scene tell me.) Thanks for all your well wishes. She was stoked to think that people all over the world were thinking of her. I actually spoke to her on the phone on Sunday(Aus time) and she had been allowed to eat breakfast for the first time in 4 days. She, and the doctors, wasn't sure if she was meant to be coming home Monday, or whether they had one more procedure left to perform. Hopefully I'll speak to Mum today and find out some more.

Third, I'm still working on my Want/Need post. I know "tomorrow" was a few days ago. Can't be helped I'm afraid.

Now, on to the post.

I'd planned to do some podcast recording this weekend, as well as exercise, lots of writing work, grocery shopping, and housework. Then Alaskaboy called Date Weekend. When one or both of us feels like we're putting everything/everyone else first before ourselves, we call Date Day or Weekend. We still do chores and stuff along with the fun things, but we're only allowed minimal interaction with others. e.g. Quick check of emails and blogs/boards in morning and just before bed, looking for anything that needs urgent response; calls from family members and/or friends we want to talk to if they call at a time we're not busy doing something else, etc.

We haven't had one in quite awhile. My writing and the podcasting went out the window, but that's all right. Alaskaboy wasn't interested in walking, so I did a walk while he spent some time at the sink. I spent time at the sink while he did some other chores. I even roasted two chickens for dinner so I could portion up the leftovers and freeze them for cold chicken lunches. All throughout the housework, grocery shopping. . .well everything we did, we conversed. Actually talked with one another. (We also got to talk to Nan and his parents on the phone.) We went to the movies on Sunday, bought two armchairs that we're in desperate need of, strolled the entire length of a huge shopping centre, and even managed to wash our windows!

The armchairs? I ummed and ahhed about buying one, but eventually said, "Fuck it! This is the only comfy armchair I've found that fits me perfectly since I've been here. I'm getting it." Gaining comfort and support in my office chair has made my body feel so much better, I can only imagine how great I'm going to feel with a supportive resting chair as well as working chair. Then, while we were paying, I went through several scenarios and realised we needed the two. So, I boldly said, "Can you update the quantity to two." And indeed, he could, just. He'd been on the last page of the ordering and if I'd taken ten seconds longer to say something, it would have been too late. Yay for speaking up!

This weekend has not only been a way to renew our relationship and enjoy each other's company, it's also been instructional. I didn't realise just how much a) time I spend on the Internet/computer, b) I sit around and c) I love fruit. And I mean reaaaalllly love fruit. We ate some kind of fruit at every meal on the weekend.

It's like this Letting Go thing is letting me find out who I really am. I'm loving eating again. I'm eating completely intuitively. It's Summer, so I'm going for things I want to eat like salad, fruit, cold meats, pho, and cool sweet drinks. Alaskaboy made for me something his Mom always made them growing up. She calls it Meadow Tea, because the mint flourished in the the rear meadow of the farm she grew up on. Basically you take a huge bunch of mint, trim the bottoms off the stems and tie the bunch together with cooking twine. Dump that in a bowl, pour on approx 1.5-2 litres of boiling water, and let it sit for at least an hour. Two to three is better, can always heat it up again a little to help the sugar dissolve. When you think it's steeped enough, you discard the mint bunch, add sugar to taste, then chill. Remembering of course that chilled drinks taste sweeter than warm ones.

OMG! Mint cordial! It's fucking fabulous! Especially when you have it with some Greek-seasoned roast chicken, potato salad and a light garden salad of mixed greens and cos/romaine, spring onions, cucumber and sun dried tomatoes with a golden balsamic vinaigrette. (Do you know how awesome that feels, using Light in a non-dieting not-low-fat sense? Light means not heavy in the stomach or on the taste buds in this case.) It's taken us three days to drink through the Meadow Tea, but it's so refreshing you don't need a lot of it at once. Oh, and apparently they "used to drink the shit out of it" during summer as kids, but that's not a good idea, Alaskaboy informed me, because. . .well. . .it pushes the shit right on through you while you're drinking the shit out of it! LOL

While we were out shopping, not only did we do the lap of the shopping centre, but I walked up the huge ramp in the parking garage. There's two ways to get to the cinema from where we usually park. Up the hill across the gangway and then around some shops or down the ramp, past some shops and up an escalator. I suppose I could have taken the stairs that run parallel to the elevator, but the ramp is kinder to my joints/tendons, so I went with up the ramp. Incidental exercise, lookit that!

Today, I continued with letting go, intuitive eating, exercise and feeling good about myself. I woke up in time to go and check out a different kind of water aerobics class than the ones I've seen before. All I wanted for breakfast was a banana plus a slice of bread with some cheese. So, I ate while getting ready for the pool. I rushed out the door, forgetting to take my banana to eat on the way. Oh well. As it turns out, I didn't need the banana, was satisfied on the bread and cheese alone. I got to the pool about 10 minutes too late to see the start of the aerobics class, but that's okay, I was only watching anyway as I did laps. I was late because I'd taken the time to whip up some hummus, because I knew I wanted some for lunch with salad and pita bread. Hummus is SO much nicer when it's had an hour or more to sit, so I let myself be late in order to nurture myself.

The pool was a little cooler than it has been, so I felt extra good swimming. Probably also helped that I'm feeling stronger with all the walking I've been doing. About halfway through my laps I tried on my flippers, but they didn't fit since I bought them early August last year when I was rather fit and toned. How much extra goodness was I feeling? Instead of pouting about the flippers, I figured I'd try a lap of butterfly to help get my heart rate up another notch. I felt so great, I swam a breaststroke lap for recovery and then swam ANOTHER butterfly lap. AND I ended up swimming four more laps in total than last time.

When I'd finished, I took some time to stretch out in the pool then gathered up my stuff. As I was walking back past the aerobics instructor and the lifeguard where they were chatting, the approximately 17-19 year old male, very fit, lifeguard said to me, "Wow, that was really great butterfly!"

Get. This. I looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you," as I kept walking. Then he said, "I wish my butterfly looked as good as yours!" And I merely smiled a thank you and kept going. I didn't blush, I didn't look down, I didn't think to myself, "Yeah right, be nice to the fat lady." I actually heard the sincere compliment in his voice. After I'd showered and dressed, I returned poolside and gave him a few verbal pointers on how to improve his stroke. I now understand the SQUEEEEEE moments Raina has when interacting with or getting noticed by her instructors at the gym.

I came home, had enough hummus, salad, pita bread, watermelon and milk to satisfy my stomach. Then when I was hungry about 75 minutes later, I had a piece of chicken and a small glass of Meadow Tea. And here I am, talking to you guys. I know this post rambles all over the place, but I had so much to share with you, that I really couldn't do it in any other way. I'm hoping to show you that I'm feeling good again. That I'm really truly learning and that it's not all doom and gloom as it's seemed to be over recent months. That light at the end of the tunnel really is getting brighter by the day. And LSED's fading fast. She who used to have a voice fit for a drill sergeant, is now only capable of using her inside voice.

My voice? It's a bit rusty, but I'm sure it'll get stronger the more I use it.

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