Thursday, April 03, 2008

Scaling New Heights.

“Psst, hey!”

I turned and saw LSED grinning fit to burst something. “How did you get out?”

“Oh,” She blew on her knuckles then buffed them on her virulent green shirt. “I have a way with picking things apart.” Looking up from inspecting her nails, her gaze hammered home into my eyes. “Locks, brains, self esteems. The usual.”

Shaking my head I walked away. I'd resolved to ignore her this morning because I was on my way to say my positive affirmations.

She couldn't help herself though. I heard her skipping after me. “You pass the scales on the way to the mirror.”

“Yes, I know.”

“And you're already naked. . . .”

I rolled my eyes. “That IS the best way to do affirmations concerning your body.”

She darted past me into the bathroom, and turned to block the doorway.

Her morning breath, noxious as the words she used, halted me in my tracks. “Look,” she gestured to her left. “Naked woman meets scales. Match made in heaven.”

A waft of spearmint washed past my nose as I heard from close behind left ear, “Get on the scales.”

The smell was divine, but those words coming out of High Self Esteem Guru's mouth? Settling deep into the cushiony feel of my blue crocs, I had that heavy feeling, like when you get out of a pool or crawl back up onto the sands after frolicking in the waves.

My stomach roiled.

“Trust me,” whispered that minty fresh sweetness.

LSED ushered me into the bathroom, her grin still huge but her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

After slipping off my Crocs, I took a deep breath, and let it out. I stepped onto the scales. Their coldness penetrated my feet as I waited for the number to show itself. Hmm. Not bad, I've lost half a pound since my last weigh in. Stepping off, I poked my tongue out at LSED.

A warm hand rested between my shoulder blades, preventing me from moving farther away. “Get on them again.”

I did. Three pounds lighter.


My feet warmed the scales even as confusion clouded my brain. Two pounds lighter.

“Twice more.”

Again, it showed two different weights. The last one being the same as the initial weigh in. And then I turned to stare at LSED. My wide smile forced her shit-eating grin right off her face. “The scales are useless.” I said, surprised at how cheerful I sounded.

“But. . .” Her eyes lit up. “I bet the batteries need changing.”

My cheeks were starting to hurt I was grinning that hard. “No, they're fairly new.”

Both LSED and I knew the scales had always done this to me, but that was the first time I'd seen what was happening. I've always weighed three times, to ensure an accurate measure, you see. Before, if I was feeling good and wanted to boast, I'd take the lowest number. If I was feeling honest, I'd take the middle number. But, if I was feeling like crap? Yup. The highest number.

“The scales are useless,” I repeated. I could feel the goosebumps on my skin, but I was warm all the way through on the inside. “My grandfather was the jockey. Not me. They're only a number. And have nothing to do with me, my job, my self esteem or my health.”

She tried to stare me down.

“We won't be having this conversation ever again.”

The implacableness of my tone must have gotten through. Head down, LSED squeezed past me and slunk off back to her cage. First time in living memory she's gone voluntarily.

Chin up. Shoulders back. I stepped in front of the mirror and loved what I saw.

2 Nibbles:

Marshmallow said...

Love it! :-D That's right, LSED, you go back to your cage, where you belong.

Awesome, Kada! :-D

Kada said...

And stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

Isn't it exciting, Marshy? :)