Thursday, April 17, 2008

Colour me pink.

Sometimes, Intuitive Eating gets me so frustrated I could cry. When I've spent days hangin' for something that's not available in the whole hemisphere! Well. . .you get my drift. There are other smaller frustrations, which don't quite bring me to tears, but make me wish I could hit something instead. Knowing that a food IS available, but each shop I visit has every other kind of flavour except the one I want, leads to much swearing, wailing and impotent flailing about. Yes, my inner two year old manifests quite readily on those days.

Today I experienced a couple of other kinds of frustration.

I *really* wanted toast for lunch. Specifically, really crunchy toast with mayonnaise and sliced tomato on top. The bread here in America is quite spongy, so it's almost impossible to get it really crunchy without burning the shit out of it or having it dry out. Dark brown I can handle, charcoal and/or dessicated, not so much. Having pondered crackers with the toppings, I knew my body was in it's all or nothing phase.

Veruca, honey, I know you want it and you want it now, but we don't have what you want.

Narrow-eyed AND pouting. Shit, shit, SHIT! If I couldn't figure this out, I'd spend the day binging.

Bake it in the oven?
Nope, big crouton, same as crackers.
Cut it into strips so it dries out quicker?
Nope. Like a cracker again. Gimme a whole, thin, un-spongy slice of bread, dammit!
Thin, eh?

I had to hunt through the drawers to find where Alaskaboy'd stashed it, but eventually I surfaced with the rolling pin. Take that, bread!

MMMMMmmmm. Crunchy, not burnt, slices of toast to whack my tomato and mayonnaise on. Bliss!

Now to the cup of tea. I let it steep, inhaling the delightful smell as I munched on my lunch. Finished up and was ready for my drink. Taking the tea ball out, I brought the cup to my nose to get a good whiff before I added the milk and sugar. I expected a sigh of anticipation. Instead, I made a noise of disgust.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I don't mind so much if it's something that can be saved or reheated for later consumption. When it's something that needs to be thrown out instead of noshed on, I go beyond frustrated to shitty. “I paid money for that food. You said you wanted it, and now you're not gonna eat it? Think again, Missy!”

Wait. You mean I'm not really allowed to be intuitive? I can't change my mind? I have to follow the same mantra that was shoved into my head as a kid by every single adult I ever met?

Oh.

This week I've felt like I've been flying along on my brand spankin' new bike. Confident, knowing I've got the hang of it at last and pretty sure I could dodge future obstacles as long as I keep a good eye out ahead. In that moment I felt like someone had jammed a stick in my spokes...in front of the boy I liked and all his friends.

I do believe I blushed, right there in the middle of my kitchen.

1 Nibbles:

Joc said...

Dont know if this is an option, but I have a breadmaker, and couldn't imagine life without it. Not for the bread so much as the toast, the bread is coarser than shop bought bread, fuller in your mouth, and definitely more filling in the stomach. But, the toast, mmm its the best, thick, crunchy outside, but still softer inside.

The only downside is the amount of crumbs needing to be swept off the countertops and floor each day.