Saturday, November 24, 2007

I'm A Cookie Monster No More.

A hearty lunch was s'posed to sustain us through the bunch of errands we had to do the other day. Alas, we remembered some more things to do while out and about, and so the fuel supply rapidly dwindled leaving us with hollow bellies. The few fruit lollies that we'd snagged from the freebies jar at the bank only made us hungrier.

Driving home at the start of rush hour traffic we decided to drive through and get a snack of chips/fries from whichever burger joint we happened to pass first. Instead, our famished selves espied a bakery...with a parking spot right in front! Unheard of in that section of town lemme tell you. Even better, there was still money left in the meter, woohoo!

There was no jangle of a little bell above the door as we entered, but the smell was all one could wish for when entering the abode of delectable delights. So. Many. Things. To. Choose. From. Bagels, breads, cookies, cakes, slices, pastries and more. Alaskaboy spotted the napoleon (aka snot block) straight away, so he knew what he wanted, I however was undecided. That is until I saw the raspberry shortcakes, also known as linzer cookies. Unfortunately the buggers were easily 5 inches in diameter. Biiiig Coookie. But, what's this? What luck! In the next case along there were the more usual ¾-1 inch sized ones. Hooray! I bought three, thinking to eat two myself and one for Alaskaboy in trade for a nibble of his.

I couldn't help the moans of delight as I bit into the first one...before we even crossed back out through the doorway. Heavenly! So heavenly I pushed the remainder of that first cookie on Alaskaboy (because he had to try it rightthatverysecond!) and dug in the bag for the second one. About ten minutes later we were done and well on our way into traffic. Stopped at some lights, I raved out loud how scrumptious the cookie had been and how they were in fact what I'd really wanted rather than the chips I'd first thought I'd craved. Then I mused, "I bet they're fantastic with a cup of tea."

Alaskaboy remarked I should have bought the bigger one so I'd've had some more to eat later. And I stared at him gape-mouthed for a few seconds and then said, “You know what? It didn't even occur to me to do that!”

Let me reiterate: It didn't occur to me to buy more in case I might want it for later.

When I was dieting I'd have bought several servings worth just to bring home and have, or would have eaten the big one then and there. Or gone back the next day, or made plans to find them somehow, someway again, or even to make them myself..but low fat of course. You all know the compulsive kind of eating/hoarding/buying of which I speak.

This week I bought precisely what I wanted, and exactly the amount I wished to eat in that moment, and didn't even think for one second about getting more. I was even (more than a little) gobsmacked when Alaskaboy suggested I should have gotten extra.

How mind blowing is THAT?!

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

Holy Shit!

I didn't think I'd done this well this year.

See the difference eight lbs or 3.7 kgs can make!

I'm really proud of this since I've done it without the tonnes and tonnes of exercise that I used last year, and have had nearly as good results. This year (especially the second half, since I cannot exercise) has all been about dealing with my emotional and mental issues. Amazing what a difference it makes when I'm not self medicating with food!

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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Can't Stop Progress.

I really miss exercise. Most especially I miss the sense of achievement that comes from knowing you've completed more reps, a higher step, or a longer workout than ever before. It was such a rush. Gotta love endorphins!
My physical sense of achievement this week comes from knowing that I did the most lines of cross stitch in one day since the adverse reaction. But not only that, I went grocery shopping, went to the post office, did some dishes, cooked dinner and critiqued a friend's essay. Plus a few other chores, but my sense of achievement was huge. That only doubled this morning when I woke up and my wrists know they've worked, but feel like they could do some more cross stitch today. And look, see, typing! Remember when all I could do was lie on the couch or bed and cry? All of this gives me hope that eventually I'll be able to do structured exercise once more. (And if I can't? Well, at least I'm able to live my life.) And when I say eventually, I mean eventually. One major thing this has taught me is to respect my limitations and have patience.

Even though I'm not exercising, I'm losing weight. Even more importantly I'm also losing fat visibly off my body. How visibly? The 40DD bra that I've been wearing comfortably for over twelve months, now all of a sudden can fit my hands in the cup with my boobs. So, I've needed to tighten the shoulder straps nearly a full inch this morning. The 16W jeans that I was wearing in my latest progress shots, I'm wearing them as wearable clothes, not just ones to test my progress. A few tops that I bought approx six weeks ago now sit awkwardly on me since my belly isn't big enough to fill them out. The tops slide back so that I feel like I'm choking on the collar after I've warn them for a little while. Shame too cause they're nice tops. Yesterday I bent down and tied my shoes while sitting on a chair...and halfway through realised that I was leaning down over my leg, with my belly lying on top of my thigh, not hanging down in the middle of my spread legs like I used to have to do. God, I remember back to when Alaskaboy had to tie my shoes for me because I couldn't reach at all, even with my foot up on a chair!

My weight is the same it has been for the last six weeks--up and down between 213.5 and 215.5--yet my clothes are fitting so much better! How am I doing this? Buggered if I know. I can only put it down to continuing to eat intuitively. Perhaps my body is also working hard to repair what damage was done, and is consequently using up more energy than I think it is.

What a relief it is lemme tell you to feel like I do currently. I eat when I'm hungry, I stop when I'm full, and I eat exactly what I'm hungry for. There are days when I nibble all day long in between meals, and some days where I eat only two large meals, or three smallish ones. Or days where I nibble without meals. Some days I'm really thirsty and drink over two litres, some days I'm lucky if I drink one.

Who would have thought when I was in the middle of all that awfulness in August and September that I'd come to realise that in many ways it has helped me go even farther down the road to good health. There in the mirror is someone I'm happy to see. Someone I love unconditionally. Someone I accept exactly the way she is. I must admit to being anxious when going out to eat either at a restaurant or a friends place, but that's to be expected with a food allergy. And it's now part of who I am. It also gives me practice to stand up for myself and say I can't have/do this. That in itself is a liberating feeling knowing I have the confidence to do that now, whereas before I would have kept my mouth shut in order to be polite, and hoped for the best. Sometimes it feels like whining, but then I remember that I'm respecting myself and my body, and my need to apologise evaporates...although it's usually snuck out of my mouth before I remember that point. LOL

I know that some of you are having a blech time at the moment, just remember, it will pass. With each breath you take it's another moment you're alive and another moment towards better health. Allow your body the grace to do it in its own time. Even if you go a few steps backwards, eventually you'll move forward again. That's the beauty of this journey, it's a life long one and there's nothing and no one to compete against, not even yourself. There isn't even really a finish line, unless you call being completely happy within yourself your final goal, and if that's the case, then look at all that life still to be lived once you reach that point. Isn't it marvelous? One reiki affirmation that's really stuck in my head recently is this one: This is the only time I get to live today, I choose to enjoy it.

Go ahead, somehow and someway, even if it's only momentarily, enjoy today.

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Sunday, November 04, 2007

Confidence Boost.

Well, that went well. Some months ago I'd donated a raffle prize of dinner for four, tonight was the night the winner claimed his prize.

The menu he chose from the four set menus I'd offered was:
First course - butternut pumpkin soup
Second course - roast potatoes, steamed broccoli, cauliflower and carrots, orange roughy poached in a lemon and herb sauce.
Dessert - Apple crumble with vanilla ice cream.

Everyone was extremely satisfied. One of the women guests is involved in the restaurant business, of which I was unaware until I started to prepare the main course talk about pressure!, and her comment at the end of the night was "Courses flowed extremely well from one to the next with no dish overpowering any other, all complimentary tastes, and this was certainly a white tablecloth restaurant quality meal."

I'm guessing that means it's a good thing, about the white table cloths??

I'm especially pleased since I made up the sauce for the fish as I went along. LOL Not bad for someone with taste bud and smell issues still.

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Friday, November 02, 2007

Just a quicky.

I walked a very slow mile on Tuesday. Two days later my body is still recovering..but I did it. I was capable of exercise for the first time since the adverse reaction!

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