Friday, August 03, 2007

Combination Plate

Sea Urchin. I'd heard about it, but had never seen it or eaten it.

I had a hankerin' for some sushi on the way home from getting my haircut today, and so decided to pop into the first restaurant I saw. Sat down at the bar and noticed I was the only non-Japanese person in the place! Felt a little intimidated especially since it was all businessmen, but I kept my cool and selected a mixed sushi combo from the menu.

Some delightful miso started me off and then the plate, freshly made by the chef in front of my eyes, arrived with a mug of green tea. There were some of the pieces I loved, but not my absolute favourite, Unagi, and one that I did not recognise; a little bright yellow one nestled on an ohba/shisho leaf and wrapped like the salmon roe sushi next to it.

After nibbling a few pieces, I decided to check out the pictures that were on my mug to see if the yellow jobby was to be found...gulp...it was Uni or sea urchin roe. Damn, I'd heard this stuff was alternately disgusting or heavenly, depending on who you were talking to. I ate around it some more, and pondered leaving it on the plate. But, then I figured no one I knew was there, so if I didn't like it, it didn't matter, but I also didn't want to lose face in front of the other people in the restaurant.

I turned it over so that the roe was hidden by the shiso leaf, gave it a dunk in the wasabi and soy sauce mix and put it in my mouth and chewed quickly. It didn't really taste like anything through the shiso leaf--at the time. Now that I'm home, I'm definitely getting a funky aftertaste on my tongue that I've never had from eating sushi before. I don't think I'll be eating the sea urchin again. There's so many other delicious varieties of sushi that I adore, so why waste money on something I'm not too keen about? Am pleased to say that I have tried it though.

I didn't realise how miserable my hair flopping in my face was making me, until the hairdresser cut it all off today. Hallelujah, I can see! That and the pretty nails have done much to reinforce my continued girly feelings.

My ears are pretty much cleared up now, the left still has a slight underwater feeling to it, but I'm hoping that'll drain away soon. If it's not gone within a week, I'll head on back to the doctor's again.

After my dramatic temper tantrum post of two days ago, I'm also feeling much healthier, mentally. That was a long festering thing that I'd been hiding even from myself. I'd kind of touched on it, or hinted at it before, but I'd never really sat down and dug right into the heart of it. Today, I'm feeling more positive about myself and the fact that I'm a woman.

Why?

Because look at all those strong healthy and happy women that are out there! Men don't have a monopoly on any of those things, no matter what my ten year old self may have thought. So what if I had nine older male cousins as role models against only two females. I loved to be a tomboy and revel in my muscles...no reason I can't be a woman and revel in my muscles too. Femininity and physical strength aren't mutually exclusive and my psyche has finally realised that fact.

Just because my mother was obese most of her life up until last year, one of her sisters is morbidly obese, another sister is in the overweight category, and only one has been at a healthy weight her whole life, doesn't mean that I have to stay overweight until I'm fifty. I took a good look at myself in every single store window I walked past today, and I'm me. I'm not my mother or my aunties, and I'm not my grandmothers.

Looking at both sides of the family, I've realised that what I thought was a genetic disposition to being overweight was in fact not. They've all had disordered eating patterns, some are still suffering and some are over it. The ones that are over it? Are in the healthy weight range or almost. I'm not genetically predisposed to being overweight. What I am, is genetically predisposed towards alcoholism and addictive behaviour. A lot of those cousins I looked up to when I was a kid have alcohol problems and aren't going to do anything about it. I have recognised my problem and am doing something about it. As far as I can tell, that makes me stronger than them. (“HA! Take that!” says my inner child)

I felt a little embarrassed the other day after posting that big long rant. No, I felt really embarrassed, for a good twenty four hours in fact. I have come to be sort of proud of the fact that I did post it. I've always been honest with my readers, and if I glossed over the childish parts of the emotional side of losing weight, then I'm cheating you, and I'm cheating myself. And I don't like cheaters.

Whenever I've cheated at anything it has always left me with a hollow feeling inside. It wasn't my victory earned by my strength and skill. It was a lie. I didn't win anything. So, when I get to the end of this getting healthy and losing weight trip and found out I had cheated along the way by pretending that everything is roses, or by leaving out the things that make me uncomfortable, then what kind of victory is that? It's not. It's a fake.

So, yeah, I'm still a little uncomfortable having that tantrum up in public, but it's a step on my journey and so it will stay up there where it belongs. And knowing that makes me feel relieved, because this is my journey, not anyone else's. San said it the other day, she's glad she only has a love of food and an inability to stop eating to blame for her weight loss. I find myself glad that we all have different reasons for becoming overweight in the first place, and I'm very glad that we all have different methods of achieving our healthy lifestyles...it makes for so much more interesting and varied reading after all! And I like variety. Well...sometimes.... I wouldn't have been suckered into eating that sea urchin if I hadn't gone for the combination plate!

4 Nibbles:

Marshmallow said...

I haven't tried the sea urchin sushi - I'll probably still try it if I don't have to pay for it, though I'm with you, why would I fork out for something that I just don't like as much, when there's other more delectable sushi variants around? In any case, I'm in no hurry to deviate from the tried and true :-)

And there's no need for you to feel embarrassed about your rant :-) I always appreciate your honesty. I wrote a post today that I feel embarrassed about, but I would have felt even worse if I hadn't written it at all.

San said...

hey, well said. variety is the spice of life.

i hope you weren't offended, it wasn't my intention :-)

great effort on the sea urchin, we see alot of it on Iron Chef, ewwww

x

Kada said...

That was the head space I was in too, Raina. I would have felt far worse if I hadn't have written it. Not expressing my true feelings is what got me into this overweight mess in the first place. The only way out is through, so I have to feel them, no matter how childish or embarrassing they may seem later when my logical side takes over once more. Emotions aren't logical or orderly. How many times have I said that to Alaskaboy over the years? Man, it stings when your own words come back to bite ya on the arse!

What's your favourite sushi/sashimi?

Kada said...

Nope, wasn't offended in the slightest, San. Your comment was very helpful, in fact. :)

They come up with some weird stuff on Iron Chef, don't they?