Saturday, July 21, 2007

PMS

We all know it stands for stands for Premenstrual Syndrome. For me, this usually means Polish off Many Smörgåsbords, Peruse Many Stories, Pettifog My Spouse, Punish My Self, and let's not forget Pulverize My Scales (due to water retention.) All of which adds up to Pretty Mean 'n' Scary.

The other night I did eat a wide variety of stuff and plenty of it, but that's been the only PMS binge I've had this week, and in years gone by I certainly wouldn't have called the amount I ate a real binge! I mean, shit, I went to bed and didn't even have the faintest hint of indigestion. And it only lasted one day. WTF?

Oh and for those that are keeping count, I got weighed yesterday by the nurse. I had on shoes and all my clothes; drunk a bottle of water on the way there; eaten breakfast before leaving the house plus drunk nearly another bottle of water; we can't forget the PMS bloating; and the scales said 226 lbs. Now, I remember a time when I'd be praying for that number to appear when weighing in naked and after going to the toilet to ensure every spare ounce of matter that could be gotten rid of was before I stepped on those scales. I haven't weighed at the doctor's for quite some time. And the only reason I did so this time was because I figured they'd need to know my weight in case I needed medication. Truly, you don't have to weigh if you don't want to. Was flabbergasted the first time I told them I'd rather not weigh. They had assumed I'd liked to know, but since there was no medical reason to, I didn't have to get on the scale. Score one in the victory to beat my obsession with the scales!

Oops, got distracted. PMS. Funny thing when I'm not eating my emotions away, even my hormone induced ones, I have to feel them. And apparently there's a whole lot of them. This morning after Alaskaboy had gone to work, I wrote my morning pages (an exercise from The Artist's Way) and during them, I had to pause and go grab my teddy bear and have a bit of a sob fest. Had cried a little before, because I missed having my family, and Alaskaboy around, always fun when he goes back to work after a vacation, but I let it all hang out at that moment.

After pages were written, I toddled off to the kitchen to make breakfast. Got out of the freezer one of the homemade hamburger patties and stuck it on a plate, then microwaved it to warm up. Wandered back through the house and looked at all the things that piss me off about the apartment (at least today in the mood I was in. Tomorrow it'll probably be different things.) And then I thought of all the things in my life that currently piss me off, and when the microwave beeped I walked back to the kitchen to get the burger out. In the process, I detoured past the couch and picked up one of the boomerang pillows lying on it and beat the shit out of the couch.

Feeling a little better I got out an English muffin and popped the burger into it and took a bite. I'd forgotten the tomato sauce (ketchup) and after swallowing the bite I put some sauce on and then went and picked up that same pillow, placed it against the top of the back of the couch, bent over placing my face against it and screamed for all I was worth. AAARRRRRGGGGGGGH!

This time I had the whining and keening kind of crying going on after I'd finished doing that. Ate most of the burger in between sobs, and then picked up a half box that had been pissing me off for days. We'd gotten it from the supermarket to help carry in some groceries, and of course never taken it out to the bin once we were finished with it. It'd been sitting on the side of the narrow walkway into the kitchen for nearly a week. To be sure it was on top of a case of San Pellegrino water, which we have nowhere else to sit just yet, but the case of water I could handle, that box I couldn't any longer.

I picked it up and hurled it at the couch. Then went after it. I picked it up, tore it open it so it was now pretty much laid out template style and said “Grrrrrrr” several times at it and maybe threw in a few more Arrrggghs. Then I put it on the carpet and jumped up and down on it a few times for good measure! Hurt my ankle a little as thongs aren't the best thing to be doing high impact jumping and stomping in, but eh, I felt better afterwards and the pain went away after about five minutes.

After all this wild emoting, I was exhausted and went off for some of that rest that the doctor had prescribed. But most importantly, I was binge free and I'd expressed all that rage, fear, anger, etc without hurting anyone else. Or anything else, like I could have by going out and attacking a poor tree with a plastic baseball bat. Never mind the legalities of actually doing that here where you can be sued for far lesser things. I could just see it now, the bat probably would have rebounded off the tree trunk and smacked ME in the head, or broken and gashed me somehow. At least the cardboard was inert, although the little turd did try and slip away on the carpet. Not that I blame it, 226 lbs of angry and hormonal woman is not something I'd wanna have jumping up and down on me!

So for today PMS can stand for Placated My Soul, and I did it without food. Man, does it feel good!

(I'm sure the couch and the box thought it was Premeditated Savagery!)

2 Nibbles:

Erin said...

I've been "on" my period for the past three weeks and am freaking out about it since my doc thought the new pills would stop the weirdness and they haven't all the way. I love your management methods and plan on trying some out-I've felt like crying today. When I picked my son up and he wasn't in too much of a hurry to go with me and then ran out in the street on purpose and pushed me, etc. depression started settling down. My heart feels heavy, maybe I need to beat the hell out of a box (and I am not kidding.) My sweet boy is turning into a two year old and it sucks.

Kada said...

It can get a little scary. It's amazing how much anger a person can hold on the inside and how large and all consuming it is in the moment you decide to set it free. But the funny thing is, rant, rave, cry, and expunge it, and it's gone.
It may take longer or shorter than you think, but keep at it. YOu really will feel much better for having expressed it.

If happiness and laughing were considered unladylike emotions, and you hadn't laughed in months or even years, just imagine how could it would feel to let go and have that bellyacher you'd been wanting to let rip?

Two? It's a stage, he will grow out of it honest, and then there's three and four and all the stages ahead of it. LOL