Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Working Woman.

Here I am, five months into 2007, and I'm actually looking forward to summer.

Yes, you read that correctly. Lily-white-arsed and freckle-faced me is actually anticipating the hot and sweaty months of the year. This astonishing fact was discovered last night at the end of my workout. There I stood, feeling the sweat cling to the nape of my neck, my pulse pounding in my temples, glugging some water as I prepared to do the cool down. I looked across to the air conditioner as I went to turn it off--else I get too chilled--and stopped. Shocked and stunned, I was.

It was as hot as a mid-summer day yesterday, and so Alaskaboy had turned the air con on before starting to exercise. Not an hour beforehand like we've done in the past but right as we started, so I assumed that was the reason I was feeling so hot. Nope. Instead of the 63F/17C I was expecting to see, he'd only turned the thermostat to 69F/21C.

Now, that difference may not seem like a large one, but it is when you take into account that last summer I wouldn't exercise unless the room was at 63F/17C before starting. I physically couldn't exercise if it was hotter. I felt faint and ill. And this was exercising at a much lower intensity than what I'd just completed.

That's when it hit me. I'm in for a new experience this summer in regards to exercise and my health. All this maintenance work is starting to pay off.

The last five months I've maintained my weight, more or less. I'm up and down within the same 5 lbs range. Just about every weight loss organisation out there allows up to six lbs in fluctuations for their “graduates” before they lose their coveted status of successful dieter. So, I'm figuring that what I've been doing so far this year is healthy. For the previous six years, from January to May, I'd gained at least 10-15lbs each and every year. Yes, that's right. That's what dieting got me. A gradual, 60lb/28kg, upwards swing in weight and a sharp decrease in fitness. So far this year I've maintained my 13-15lb weight loss from last year. More importantly, I've maintained my level of fitness.

This summer, I'm fitter than the year before. This summer, I'm eating food that I want to eat. This summer, exercise is not a chore but an enjoyable event. This summer the heat is not as exhausting. Yes, it's hot, but I'm not stifled under as much fear-caused fat. I have shorts and singlets to wear, and as long as I slather on the sunscreen, I have no qualms about wearing them.

I've been maintaining, without having to consciously work at it. And I'm getting the feeling that my body is about ready to move onto the next level. I'm not bemoaning how thin or healthy I used to be and I'm certainly not held captive by negativity like I was last year. I've accepted myself as I am, right here and right now. Every time I've done that so far in the last 10 months, my body has seen that self respect and raised it. (Gambling metaphor? I believe that's a first!)

Knowing this doesn't fill me with anticipation of losing weight like it used to. Sure, that'd be nice. But, only because it means I've released more of my need for that physical shield. And as we've all seen, less shield means more confidence and more enjoyment on every level.

It feels AWESOME to be looking forward to summer with excitement rather than trepidation! I don't know if I am capable of conveying just how good it feels. Although, maybe I don't have to. I'm sure there are those of you out there who know exactly what I'm talking about. That incredibly light and warm sensation in the middle of my soul where nothing but icy dread and caustic self hatred used to dwell. The shackles are off, and I'm eager to ferret out the rest of what negativity there is to find; feel it; accept it; and then free it and myself. Gone is my need to be afraid, here to stay is my need for love and acceptance.

I guess my maintenance worker is hanging up her hat for now; and donning her hard hat in preparation for some construction. Ooh, and lookit that, gardening gloves as well. She's a multi-tasker. What a woman!

6 Nibbles:

kathrynoh said...

Summer is definitely more fun with excess baggage and moving into losing mode will kick the hot weather's butt!

Kada said...

Oh definitely! I'm looking forward to the hot and sweaty, in regards to exercise, now. Before it would just gross me out. Although, that was probably a reflection of my emotional problems.

Did you find this summer easier to bear than previous ones?

Alea said...

What a great post! Your joy and confidence are almost palpable! I'm very happy for you. Here's to a great summer! :)

Wanna_B_slim said...

Bring on summer i say...I cant wait!!!
I might actually get out in a dress this year!!

Kada said...

Thanks, Alea. Hi!

Kada said...

I've gotten out in dresses, but I've had to wear bike shorts underneath to stop the chaffing. Can't wait to see what it's like to wear a dress without them on. I bet it's much cooler!

Hope you find the perfect summer frock to wear. :)