Friday, March 30, 2007

Laurel And Hardy

Today finds me realising that I'm scared. Scared of what, I'm not too sure yet. I finished my morning chores and had washing clothes and dishes as well as doing some writing tentatively penciled in for my afternoon. I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch and was quite replete after the dessert of one almond cluster that finished the meal. On my way to the bedroom to get the first load of clothes from the dirty clothes bin I found myself detouring to the pantry and eating another four clusters, then grabbing another three to sit down at the computer to write.

Laundry? What laundry?

So, here I sit trying to sort through what exactly is causing the fear.

Naturally enough, I'm nervous about attempting a new short story for an anthology invitation I received two weeks ago. The last competition was a bit of a lark really. No prizes involved, only a friendly competition.

One that you were reasonably sure of getting a first or second in. Shuddup!

This one is important. It's for an editor/author I esteem highly. The same one I failed last time. It will be my first paid piece of work, if it is accepted. If it's not, then come the doubts again. Well, they're actually already rushing to the fore and laying me a prickly carpet to walk over every time I attempt to sit down at the computer.

Okay, phew, now that that's acknowledged, I can deal with it..

What about the others?

What others?

You go home for a visit in just on eight months time.

Eight months? Shit, is it that soon already? And I'm still fat!

And then next year comes babies.

Also, who knows how much things are going to be shook up here at the house. What if the new apartment ends up twice as small as this one for more money?

All those lovely, sexy, pretty clothes I just bought too. People will notice me in them. Notice my curves. It's safer to stay as I am.

Those laurels feeling comfy are they?

What laurels?

. . .

. . .

. . . Oh. Those laurels.

But, I've come so far in the past two years. I'm not the same person I was then! Don't I deserve a little rest from all this self discovery?

It's the end of March, woman! How much more of a rest do you want?

But, I've joined a writing group, applied to another, joined an intuitive eating support group last week and held my shit together through the termite tenting. I even yelled at a friend when I was angry with her. What more do you want?

What more do YOU want?

Beg yer pardon?

Well, it's March. Yes, you're making, and have made, great leaps and bounds over the past twelve months, but summer's coming, Lovey. I remember you distinctly saying that by the time summer came around there would be no need for you to sit miserably in front of the fan. Flat on your back on the floor for hours on end if I remember correctly?

Yeah, but--

And those new clothes you bought? Several in sizes that fit now, but most in a half size too small. I thought we weren't gonna do that any more?

Theydidn'thavemysize.whyshouldIgowithout? And they will fit me by summer! SO there!

How do you know that?

Because, look at my goals for April. And I'm planning on having great goals for the next eight months. Realistic goals. I want nice clothes to wear for summer, not ones that fit now and are too baggy then.

So, we're gonna stuff ourselves stupid with almond clusters for the last three days in March then?

No!

You know the only way those clothes are gonna be baggy, and these clothes are gonna fit, is if you get up and exercise. Stop worrying about whether you've lost any fitness in the past few weeks. Get up, go put some laundry on and do some aerobics or something. Stop sitting here, refreshing your browser, looking for excuses to avoid your life. Go live it, fer cryin' out loud.

But I'm working through my stuff.

It's gonna be the hottest summer on record. You know that. Look at how hot is was in Melbourne this year. AND you've got two summers this year, Northern and Southern. You wanna be able to pardy hardy?

Yes.

Get off you cushy laurels and go further than you've gone to date. Kiss 220lbs goodbye by the end of April. Make sure you fit into those lovely clothes by summer. Stop drowning your sorrows in chocolate. Practice what you preach. Those laurels aren't all that hardy, they can't hold you up forever, you know.

You're right. My plateau is over. I've marked time enough for now and am ready to take the next step forward.

Um. . .I can stop when I'm ready to rest again though, right?

You know you can. Think of what was discussed about plateaus at the eating group last week.

Oooh that reminds me, I wanted to post about tha--

Not now. Do it tomorrow. You know what you have to do for the rest of the day. No more procrastination.


Shit. I hate it when that voice is right! Don't you?

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Middle Eastern Afternoon Delight.

First, a few questions.

For everyone: Do you ever have a day where it turns out you're hankering for a certain cuisine.. the whole day long?

For my fellow intuitive eaters: What's an adored food you would never have eaten when you were dieting?

For those that are still dieting, what's a favourite food you've been able to adapt to your current eating plan and one that just doesn't taste the same no matter how you finagle it? Intuitive Eaters feel free to answer that too if you have ones you remember from your dieting days. (One I did adapt quite well was fish mornay)



Stuffed Zucchini. I haven't had them in a very long time. It's a food I adore, but always avoided whenever I was dieting due to its generally fattiness. I learned to make them at a Greek restaurant, so yes, plenty of The Good Oil was used. Low-fat versions never tasted as good, and I certainly wasn't going to make up a small batch. Far too time consuming and you can't freeze the leftovers, they fall apart.


Last night when I went grocery shopping, there they were in the greengrocery section. Large, bright green, succulent zucchini, without a mark on them, perfect for stuffing. Oh boy, oh boy! Next thing I knew, I had six of the buggers in my shopping trolley. Rice and curry were the plan for dinner, so if I made a little extra rice, there would be enough for the stuffing of said zukes.... (I knew I'd grabbed that bunch of fresh mint, five minutes ago, for a reason. LOL)


Today I went off to Costco to do some shopping. I'd planned to have marinated chicken breasts with the zucchini, but there in the meat section were some Aussie lamb loin chops. YUM! (Much less mutton-tasting than American lamb) And, further down the aisle there was a taste test going on of hummus and pita. Yummy, thick, single-layer pita. Not the thin, pocket pita styles which is all I'd been able to find around here lately. Souvlaki-style, Lebanese-style, almost Turkish-style in its fluffiness. Drooool.


Hmm. Two containers of hummus and a ten pack of these pitas for $11.99? I got two lots. LOL Two packs of pitas and a baba ganoush hummus, a kalamata olive hummus, a tabbouleh, and a cilantro/coriander and jalapeƱo hummus. (Eminently suited for freezing btw.) Some of that for lunch with a glass of tangerine juice and I was in heaven. I had me a middle eastern afternoon delight. {waggles eyebrows} It tasted that good I think I did sound a little like I was having another kind of afternoon delight.


As I was enjoying my decadence this afternoon, something occurred to me. When I was dieting I would have been unable to enjoy my middle eastern craving today. I wouldn't have even stopped to try the hummus, assuming that they would be too fattening. I would not have bought the lamb chops either. I would have thought about that hummus all day, coming home to make a low fat version, which although I can make tasty, would have left me hankering to try those other varieties. Or left me experimenting for hours over the next few weeks trying to work out how they would have tasted. I certainly wouldn't have had the tabbouleh, as it takes a few hours to make. I would have sat there with a salad and my piece of bread and hummus and eaten far more than what I really wanted. Why? Trying desperately to satisfy a craving with food that was not what I was actually craving.


As it was, I ate about a tbs of each of the cilantro and baba ganoush hummuses and 2 tbs of the olive hummus. 1 Tbs for each quarter of the pita bread, and a cup of tabbouleh. I have yet to look at the nutrition table on the back of the container. I doubt that I ever will. The ingredients list on them is all wholesome foods, not a fake additive to behold. That explains why I was still full a few hours later. Every time I've eaten a low fat hummus, I've been hungry again within the hour. And that's with eaten at least double what I ate for lunch today.


I like this intuitive eating stuff. My body likes it. Hell, my taste buds are doing a foxtrot they're that excited!


The tabbouleh made making the stuffed zucchini for dinner easy too. A cup of cooked rice, about 2/3 c tabbouleh, half a bunch of chopped fresh mint, lemon juice and zest, ground cumin seeds --but it still didn't taste quite finished. Don't like pine nuts, unless it's in pesto, therefore they were right out! Without them though, that nutty taste was missing, so I chucked in about a tablespoon of tahini, a touch more mint and lemon juice, and a beaten egg to hold it all together.


Voila! No sauteeing of onion, garlic, lamb, or zucchini innards, but still a pretty damn tasty stuffing for the zukes. Them? Two got sliced in half, disemboweled, laid in a baking tray, stuffed with the filling, drowned in diluted tomato soup and went sunbathing at 400F for an hour. Tasty, non greasy and oh so healthy.


Looks like stuffed zucchini is back on the menu! Yippee!



P.S. The cute, little lamb chops? They're currently cohabiting in a ziploc bag with a concoction of cumin seeds, garlic, fresh mint, paprika, lemon juice, oregano, olive oil, black peppercorns, and salt; that was all whizzed together in the food processor until it reached a pesto-like consistency.When Alaskaboy calls to say he's on his way home, they'll be baked in the oven at 375F for about 45 mins, served with a zucchini and some hummus on the side. Probably with a glass of the tangerine juice as well.


Altogether now ... Y-UMM-YYY!



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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Playing the Game.

Wednesday last week, there I was at the hotel with the little fridge chockablock full of healthy foods I was craving after the glut of restaurant food the preceding few days. And yet, come five o'clock, I wasn't in the mood for the dinner I had purchased the evening before (re-heatable fettuccine and chicken breast) from the supermarket deli. I had a hankering for tortilla/corn chips and mozzarella slices. So, back I drove to the shop and got what I was really wanting to eat. (A one pound bag of the chips was the smallest I could find. Why is that? Don't people just snack on the chips, does it always have to be a party-sized bag?)


Also feeling like I might want some chocolate, the idea of choc-almond clusters had entered my brain, I walked down that aisle. Imagine my surprise when there on the shelf was several different bars of varying sizes of Scharffenberger Chocolate. WOOHOO! I grabbed myself a one ounce bar and called Alaskaboy to see if he wanted one. He did, so I grabbed him one too.


After pondering also grabbing some salsa for the chips, but realising I only wanted the plain chips, I headed off to the checkout. There, right in front of the cashier but behind the card reader, I saw a display box of Cadbury Creme Eggs. Alaskaboy loves them, and hadn't had one for years, so I asked the girl to ring one up for me also.


She explained how she'd been getting a fellow cashier to ring her up several over the course of her shift and that she wished they weren't right there in front of her face, because she loves them so much. I smiled, and when she commented on the cost of the ScharffenBerger for the size of the bar, I explained that this was actually cheaper than at the usual stores I buy it from and how excited I was to find it here. Then I extolled the virtues of the chocolate experience that is ScharffenBerger as I was signing for the goodies. Especially telling her that the milk chocolate is the best she'll ever be likely to taste.


“Not that you need it anyway.” she said to me.


I blinked once and stood there trying to mentally process if she had just said what I thought I'd heard her say.


Did she just call me fat? She did, she called me fat. She said I didn't need it!

No! Wait! Listen to how she actually said it.It's not you she's saying that doesn't need it, it's HERSELF that she's talking too.

She's just finished telling you that she's got no control of herself around these creme eggs and wishing they'd just go away. She's telling herself that she doesn't need it, but using the plural of you, to include you in the conversation.


OH! Allrighty then, let's practice some of this standing up for ourself stuff.


I smiled, and couldn't believe what came out of my mouth. “I wanted some chocolate, and was so excited when I got to the aisle and saw my favourite chocolate there. I wanted it, so I bought it. And I'm going to enjoy every single bite.” (Something to that affect anyway.)


She stood there with a bewildered look on her face before giving me a nervous half-smile and completing the transaction. I bid her a good evening and left the store.


I felt high as a kite and free as a bird when I walked out into the carpark. But, it wasn't until I'd gotten back to the hotel room and was munching on my mozzarella and chips that I realised what had really happened.


Her confusion wasn't because I hadn't reacted negatively to the potential slur, but because I had refused to play the game.


You all know what I'm talking about. The apologies. The admitted guilt. The cover-ups. The words, actions, and behaviours we all use to excuse our eating of 'forbidden' foods. The mind games we all agree to play to allow us to eat foods we, or others, think we shouldn't be allowed to have. I didn't play along and say “yeah, I shouldn't be having it, but I can't help myself.” I stood up and owned up to my desire for chocolate without any negative connotations connected to that want. I didn't even sound like a “fat chick” saying “screw you all, I'll eat what I want and you can't make me eat healthy.” All I did, was calmly admit that I had a desire for a particular food, and that I was satisfying that desire.


I didn't even play the all-access-ultimate-backstage-pass-to-a-chocolate-free-for-all, PMS. It didn't even enter my mind to do so. Yet, I can't count the amount of times I've “pardoned” my behaviour by playing that card before, even when I wasn't in the throes of PMS.


Even if the girl had meant to hurt or wound me and my first impression had been the correct one, as I'm sure there will come times when people WILL say it to be hurtful, then it's still HER problem. Not mine. I've stepped off the diet merry-go-round. I've dropped the hot potato. Tilted the pinball table. Removed my blindfold and called the bluff.


I refuse to play the game any longer.


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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

My Auspicious April.

My goals for this month are kind of varied, but that's where I am at the moment, working on several different aspects of my life and health.

1. Weigh once only: on the last weekend of the month.
2. Complete first and second drafts of AoW short story.
3. Three sessions of yoga per week.
4. Attend intuitive eating group each week.
5. Write a blog post 5 days per week.
6. Six days out of every seven go to bed with dishes done.
7. Say my daily affirmations, daily.
8. Do eight different kinds of exercise over the month.
9. Write nine new chapters on SMNL and revise first nine chapters of Serenade.
10. Buy ten new items of clothing. (including runners)

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Busy!

The house is being tented for termites this week. Will see yas next weekend.

Sorry about being absent lately, real life is a bit busy at the moment. Have only had time to do some reading of blogs trying to stay in touch with how everyone's doing.

Does anyone know what's happened to Sandii's blog? When I click on the link, it goes to the blog, but it says no posts are there.

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Friday, March 09, 2007

Befriending the Mirror.

Department store dressing room mirrors and I have come to an understanding. I'll look into them with honest vision and they'll give back an honest reflection; and the truth shall set us free. No more will I subject the mirror to slander. My reflection is safe from vilification. Me? I've plenty of room to move in the dressing room now that the Low Self Esteem Demon no longer crowds me into a corner


Last Friday morning I went to a seconds and samples warehouse with two goals in mind. My mission, and I chose to accept it, was to ignore sizing tags and buy something comfortable yet sexy; Feminine, even.


Ignoring the sizes was easy. I've long since given up on believing the numbers on the little white tag. And sure enough, clothes from the same manufacturer, in similar styles, required different sizes to fit. That number is an approximate guide to, presumably, help you when selecting sizes to try for suitability and comfort. They're there as a convenience for the customers and the workers. This system set up, supposedly, to expedite the trying and buying process has in fact made things slower, while, of course, removing jobs from the workplace. Years ago you'd enter the store, the salesperson would first measure you with their trusty tape and then lead you to the right section to suit your body shape. Now, you select your “size”, go to the changing room and then have to re-dress, return to the floor to pick the same item in one to two sizes on either side of the one you just picked hoping beyond all hope that at least one of them is near enough. Repeat as necessary.


Desperation, frustration and depression all occur as a result. Or jubilation if you happen to fit into a size “smaller” than the one you would normally wear.


This time, the only consideration was in selecting clothing that I WANTED to wear. If I wasn't sure of the fit after holding it up against me, I selected another size, if it didn't have a spare size, I hoped for the best. If it didn't fit, then I'd look for something else. I selected clothing that before this I would have dismissed as too-whatever, because I was determined that any preconceived notions I'd had of what I could “get away with” would have no part of this or any other shopping expeditions in the future. I trusted my inner fashionista to pick things that flattered me.


My trust was amply rewarded when I went to the dressing room and loved half of what I tried on. Only problem was the tops that looked good and fit beautifully were not complimentary to the skirts, and vice versa. After giving the rejects to the clerk I went back out looking again. This time I found a size down on a top that had been a little too big but I'd really loved, more tops, one that was a little big which would be easily altered, and THE top. A plain but cute and above all feminine top that showed some cleavage and would look fantastic with the skirts. Oh and look another that's similar, and another.


THE top was the last one I tried on, but it was the one that fit the very best with the skirt I'd selected. Several skirts and tops I gave back knowing that it would be too hot to wear them very soon, and by this time next year they would be swimming on me. I also kept a few items that I really adored but were just the teeniest bit small for me yet. More than a size too small and it was returned to the do not want pile. I also gave back a skirt that I adored but could not have been easily altered and would no doubt have been falling off me in less than a month.


And thus we come to the comfortable part. Clothes that actually fit and didn't dig in anywhere, how novel! I know that I'm not alone in having purchased torture devices -- Clothing that is several sizes too small that I'll fit into “one day”. The thing I've learned is that this is harmful in more ways than one. The most obvious is that it's still allowing the I'm-not-good-enough-to-wear-nice-clothes mentality. Buy clothes that you look good in! You're walking around in this body right now, so dress it so it looks and feels fabulous. Don't play some sick and twisted version of dress-ups. Kids play dress-ups, usually in clothes that are miles too big for them, whereas we want the clothes that can't possibly fit us. Stop playing make believe in this way, it only hurts you. As your children grow there comes a time when they outgrow their favourite clothes or items and we teach them that they must be put away in favour of things that fit them now. How hypocritical are we if we tell them this and then continue yearning for clothes that don't fit us?


Who says you'll even like that article of clothing once you fit into it anyway? Why waste money on clothes that don't fit, when you can spend money on clothes that you are capable of wearing? Value for money. I know some of the “goal” clothes I bought last year don't actually fit or flatter me even though I'm now of a size to wear them. Others will be off season as I go through that size. How depressing, I spent money on nothing! This time was different. The majority of clothing I bought fits me now. Sure it will become baggier as I lose weight, but that's okay. They'll be baggy for awhile, the clothes I've been wearing for the past few months have been baggy and no one's laughed or sneered at me. (I also put back tops that were baggy that I'd have bought in the past. No more hding my shape!)


I am however making sure I buy clothes that are from places that are considered cheap. Not tawdry but inexpensive. Goodwill, Salvation Army, Walmart etc. Clothing that is affordable enough to grow out of within a few months, else I'd break the bank by the end of the year. Also once I'm done with them, I make sure to give those clothes to Goodwill as it's then a tax deductible donation.

All that scrimping and saving and yet I walked out of that dressing room last week feeling like a million dollars. So much nicer than the lower than scum feelings I've exited with previously. And if I hadn't been able to find what I was looking for? There's always another shop. When you go shopping look for something you can and want to wear rather than what you wish you could wear. Believe me, your confidence, your budget, your body and your mirror will love it. As will you. Oh and make sure the clock is on your side. nothing worse than going shopping when rushed. That's always when that's-close-enough purchases occur.


Looks like I'm getting chummy with all kinds of things besides the mirror. LOL

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Food Poetry, Anyone?

I was discussing Walker's Shortbread Triangles (aka petticoat tails) and Arnott's Tim Tams on another board to which I belong. Specifically, locations where one can get them in Canada and USA.

Someone said that, thanks to my Pimping, a craving for a luxury shopping trip had reared its head. Due to a strong suspicion about knowing where they could get Tim Tams from, and KNOWING which shop to purchase the shortbread, their desire to continue doing Stuff that needs to be done was sorely tested. And they called me evil for even bringing the subject up.

I responded by asking them if they thought that was evil, what did they make of this?

I suspect that it's kind of rough,
having to stay and do stuff,
when your tastebuds insist,
sampling that delectable list,
is the wham-bam,
they're after, Ma'am.

Not puppy dog but petticoat tails,
will fix a little boy's ails.
Yet for little girls to mend,
it takes their very best friend,
and though diamonds are glam,
that would be a sweet Tim Tam.
(Copyright Kada 2007)

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Friday, March 02, 2007

Ennui is so dreary!

All day long I have been plotting inside my head the post I would write. It would contain much rejoicing over the fact that I did not binge last night when I was upset. I was in control, I felt my emotions and dealt with them, instead of reaching for food.


But, that would have been a lie.


You see, I didn't binge simply for the fact that I was not hungry. My hunger had been satisfied by the large serving of hummus and tortilla chips I'd had for my afternoon snack, and then the snack of choc raisins I'd eaten before attempting to head out shopping. My plan had been to eat dinner when I got home, if I was hungry. But I wasn't. Which also led me to thoughts of congratulating myself for not being hungry. Which again is defeating the whole purpose.


I didn't eat to a crisis therefore I'm a good girl?


No, I ate when I was hungry and didn't when I wasn't so therefore that makes me a good girl. I listened to my body.


Just like I listened to my need for comfort eating the last few days until I was ready to deal with what the issue really has been. At first I felt guilt at the comfort eating. Slipped back into my old ways of berating myself for being a fat useless and undisciplined slob. Lo and behold, all of a sudden I was extremely focused on the scales once more. I found myself searching the internet for miracle diets. I even went so far as looking up the Fat $mash Diet. I wanted the comfort that rules and regulations and the promise of those pounds dropping miraculously away. In rebellion at what I was feeling I ate and ate a little more than I wanted at each sitting.


This afternoon I was ready to confront my fears.


I talked honestly with the landlord and her daughter (she's the one who's buying the house), whilst they were here for the termite inspection, about our fears of having nowhere to go and our hopes that we could stay here, even if that meant our rent would go up. At least by telling them how I felt at least I'd know either way whether we had to prepare to move out, or whether we could stay. As it turns out, we can stay. That was one relief. But the other fear was still lingering.


Alaskaboy has made a new friend at work. An aussie friend. A female, gorgeous, blonde, aussie friend. (I know because I looked her up, in front of him, on the internet after he told me her name.) Very friendly looking she is too. Sounds delightful. He hasn't shut up about her for the last three weeks!


This weekend there's a birthday party for one of the guys from his work. At a bar. A slightly upscale bar. And this new friend of his invited us to go. Us, meaning both Alaskaboy and I.


Several times this week I've made tentative comments about her. What's she like? Where's she from? Are you sure I'm invited? (She insisted many times that he bring me) What do you gusy talk about? Sounds like you're having a ball reminiscing about Australia?


On and On and On.


At first I thought I was afraid of him having an affair. But deep down that didn't ring true. I know how much he loves me. I know he knows how sexy I am. So why the hell did I feel so threatened all of a sudden?


And then it hit me. I was jealous of her attentions to him. Not sexually jealous though. I was jealous that he was making a new acquaintance. A real life, face-to-face, acquaintance. I was worried about fitting in with this new clique at the bar on Saturday night. I was worried whether she'd like me or get along as well with me as she does with Alaskaboy. I am hoping to make a friend, but also scared of doing so as well.


Also very scared to go out. I feel sexy, but the clothes I currently have, no longer feel sexy on me. They're too big. I don't have any nice clothes that fit. No, lemme rephrase that. I don't have any sexy clothes. I want to look as sensational and comfortable on the outside as I feel on the inside. That's what's been behind my cleaning of the house this last few weeks. I'm no longer cluttered and hiding behind junk on the inside. So I won't do that in my house either. I'm proud of the home we have built together. And I'm proud of how I look and I want to see that pride reflected on the outer as well, by decorating it with flattering attire. I have breasts and curves and at long last I want to show them off. The dressier clothes and the smart-casual clothes I have are all either a little too big, so I look boxy, or a little too tight, so I look uncomfortable.


So, tomorrow morning I'm going to try on every single piece of clothing that catches my eye in the wardrobe, and if I find nothing I like, then I'm going shopping at an affordable place until I do find something!


We're going out for a great time, I want how good I feel to shine bright for all to see. But, especially for me to see.


We may not like each other. We may have a fabulous time and become life long friends. We may have a fabulous time, and never see each other again.


So be it.


Same applies for the writing group I've applied to join.

Same applies with any new people I meet. Or people I already know.


Fretting about the future only makes me upset. Living the best I can in each moment is all I can do. Well, that and learning to confront the real reasons I turn to food for comfort. This time it took me a week and a half to be ready to figure it out. Next time it may take me a day, a month, ten years. But, eating intuitively and no longer being afraid to feel me emotions is helping me to achieve the lifestyle I deserve. A happy and healthy one.


Two steps forward, one step back. That's fine, as long as you take the next two steps forward when you're ready. :)


In answer to Amanda's comment.”just when things are all nice and cozy, someone throws a spanner (or a for sale sign) in the works. “ I believe that it's for a very important reason. If we keep receiving similar spanners, then we're not ready to learn that particular lesson and keep receiving the chance to do so until we're ready to move past it.


Take this week for example. Many times in the past I've had parties to go to. I've gone, had a miserable time, made Alaskaboy miserable, and insisted on leaving early because I 'had a headache'. Sometimes it was true, I've reacted to the wine, or allergens in the air, or I was coming down with something. Other times it was because I was uncomfortable for some reason, and instead of dealing with it beforehand, I was pole-axed by it in the very middle of the situation. This time, instead of feeling inadequate or the myriad other things I've felt fearful of, I've confronted it beforehand. Lookit me taking that step foreward. And look there's another one. I confronted my fear of change, and asked the landlord whether we'd need to move out or not. If we did, then it was time to move on to bigger and better things. If not, the time was still ripe for saving money for when the time is right to move on. I didn't just stuff myself stupid in an attempt to hide from my fear. Other ways I could have hidden were by giving them dirty looks when they came through the inspection, but saying nothing, or by pretending that nothing was wrong, all sunshine and light.


That step backward turned out to be two very quick steps forward. Yay me. But even if it had still been a step backward, that's quite okay. Sometimes we need to step back to where it's safe before we get the confidence to move forward. I've been running lately and all of a sudden I was running too fast, my steps far too big and far too many at once. So I've slowed down to a more comfortable pace, but I'm still going forwards! And if I fumble the next hurdle, and have to retrace my steps and do it again, and again, and again, I know that in time I'll clear that hurdle when I'm able for it. Even world class hurdlers sometimes knock down hurdles during the Olympics. But, they get back out in that very next practice session, and review the tape until they know what went wrong, and they try and try and try again until they get past that moment and regain their confidence again.


Umm.. I kinda lost where I was going with that analogy. LOL


Ahh yes. Returning to a prior safe point to catch my breath is perfectly fine. When I'm ready, either through boredom or regained confidence, I'll eventually move on. Life would be impossible without growth and change after all.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Well, how about that.

Just got notice in the mail that the landlord is selling the house. Now, since we have a month to month rent agreement, I don't know where this leaves us if the premises are sold.
I may be worrying for nothing because the new owners may leave the already existing tenants here.

But oh shit, what if they don't? We like it here and are settled. There's a primary school nearby for when we have kids. I did send an email off to them seeking to find out what the asking price is, perhaps we'll be able to buy it.

Most especially don't know if our Aus trip will still be on for the end of the year.

Will keep yas update to the news as I find out more.

Please, keep your fingers crossed that whatever happens, it works out the best for us!


EDIT: It's the daughter buying the house from the mother. She said we'll have first option on the units they're building out the back. So, yes, we can stay until we're ready to leave!

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Yummy In My Tummy!

Lunch today was delicious!

Am trying out food photography again. Can't afford other artistic pursuits at the moment, so why not combine food and art? lol



What do yas think of this shot?

If anyone wants the recipe, let me know and I'll post it over on my food diary. (Don't worry Raina, I haven't forgotten your recipes, just trying to pick some really good ones.)

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