Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I like it!!

Noli nothis permittere te terere. - Don't let the bastard's grind you down.

You hear that numbers? That's my new motto!

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Didn't dodge good enough. ;)

Last week I was tagged by Raina and here is my response.

  1. Grab the nearest book. (N.B. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.)

  2. Open the book to page 123.

  3. Find the fifth sentence.

  4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.

  5. Tag 5 people.


Considering the nearest "book" was the manuscript I'm revising, I went for the next nearest one. LOL

Interestingly, many of these same people have, at some time in their lives, toted around special diet foods with great pride. Why is it okay to carry diet foods to the office but not the foods we really desire?

Compulsive dieters are embarrassed by their need to eat and their interest in food.
Funnily enough, the book is Overcoming Overeating.

Umm.. I tag Nannette, Crankybee, Erin, Glam and Kathryn.

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Well, I've gone and done it now.

Friday I worked really hard spring cleaning the house. All up it was about 7 hours of hard house work over the course of the day, and by the end of it my back was very sore. Did some stretching and got a massage from Alaskaboy that night when he got home, after having an epsom salts bath and laying on an ice pack earlier in the evening.

The next day I hobbled around and did a short walk.


My streak is broken. My period this weekend was also a very draining one. I literally had no energy to do anything. Even after my back muscles recovered.


Yesterday I'd scheduled aerobics to do, but again, didn't have the energy to do it as I used all that up doing shopping, writing and some more housework.


Today I feel good enough to exercise again. I'm a bit bummed that the streak ended. I'd thought about doing extra exercise each day this week and then letting it add up to equal the days that I'd missed. But, that's cheating. I am going to continue counting my minutes of exercise over the time that the streak goes for. If these are the only days I miss in that time, and still average out to 45 mins exercise per day for the 16 weeks., then fantastic!


I feel bummed, but relieved. Not relieved that the streak is over, but satisfied that I know how to listen when my body demands rest. That I can have days where I miss exercising, but that I'll then get right back into it as soon as I'm ready.


This healthy stuff is for life. Not just for 4 months.


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Saturday, February 24, 2007

Ohhhhh, 214, where arrrre youuuuuu?

Update for the Feb Finished Fakin' competition.

Perky boobs, smaller belly, firmer belly, a visible waist, less fat rolls in the back, upper arms firmer, less double chin than I remember seeing in a long time, feeling hip bones, clothes too big that actually fit me a month ago.

All these and more are the signs of improvement.

Only problem is, I'm gaining muscle at a slightly faster rate than I'm losing the fat. So, each week that I get on the scales, I'm either maintaining, or weighing in heavier. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

6 lbs heavier than I was at the start of the year, yet so much healthier and leaner.

Since it's highly unlikely I'll lose 12 lbs in three days. I won't be weighing in on the 27th of march. Sorry, Lost Wings.

So, in the spirit of trying to keep this fair, but also to keep from going insane if I have to step on the scales 8 times within the next month! I'm gonna play it as follows.

Kathryn's is the next guess for 3rd of March. Eight days from now. I'll weigh in then and see how I'm doing. If I'm not under 220 lbs, then I'll wait another 8 days until J.W's guess and try again. If still no go I'll try two weeks from then which is smack dab between Alaskaboy and Raina's guesses. Then the 2nd or 3rd of april. Still shit outta luck by that point and I think I'll be ready to cry! But there'll be one or two more weigh ins to see if it's closer to Amanda or Dr Kay.

If I'm not at 214 lbs by the 14th of April, then I guess Dr Kay wins by default, because any point after that, she's the closest to the eventual date I get to the required poundage. LOL

Sorry folks that this isn't that exciting. I am making progress, honest. Just not on the damn scales! Here's hoping it starts to move in the next week or so to at least make this a bit more fun for yas. (I LOOK like I weigh about 215, but the scales don't agree.)

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

First Measurements of the new year!

Last month:
Upper Chest: 103.4
Bustline: 120.5
Upper Right Arm: 44.9
Midriff: 97.0
Waistline: 105.4
Upper Hips: 134.4
Hips/Buttocks: 136.1
Right Thigh: 70.4
Left Thigh: 73.9
Right Calf: 44.4
Left Calf: 44.5

TOTAL: 974.9 cms


This month:

Upper Chest: 100.9
Bustline: 119.7
Upper Right Arm: 44.4
Midriff: 97.6
Waistline: 104.7
Upper Hips: 133.0
Hips/Buttocks: 136.3
Right Thigh: 71.6
Left Thigh: 73.6
Right Calf: 41.7
Left Calf: 41.7

TOTAL: 965.2 cms
Loss of 9.7 cms / 3.8 inches


Last time I measured, most of the measurements around my middle had gone up due to period bloating. This time they stayed fairly much the same. But, oh the difference in the structure behind those measurements. In December the belly was all squishy from the bloating. Now it sits up nice and firm, consequently sticking out just as far despite looking a whole lot smaller. LOL
I have a waist people. All the way around! My fat rolls at the back have finally separated from the butt shelf. Oh, and butt shelf, WHAT butt shelf? I have hips, not a shelf anymore.
The biggest change by far has been on my calves. I'm shocked, frankly, that there's such a huge difference with them this time around. I guess all those improvements I've made in the step aerobics are showing up! WOW.

Oh, and the scales say that I'm 5 lbs heavier now than I was last time I measured. Bwahahahah!

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

Today.

I feel good. No, in fact, I'm happy. Happy with myself and my life.

Who knew dumping all that excess baggage could make a girl feel so good!

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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Warning: This is a long one.


You know you're backed right into the corner when you verbally attack your husband, for something that you would normally put off to a more auspicious occasion.


After succeeding in making him so hurt and confused that he sits dumbfounded and you've turned yourself into a sobbing mess, but still not gotten the satisfaction you seek, you scream something incomprehensible about him just sitting there like a useless lump. When in fact he'd beckoned you over for a hug and you'd left that hug and returned across the room because it wasn't a comfortable position to be in.


Fleeing the scene of the crime you run into the living room but are stopped in your tracks by the stunning thought that yes the bathroom has a lock, but the other tenant's bedroom wall abuts the bathroom, and you don't really want him to hear your blubbering. Thwarted, but needing to vent somehow, you about-face and stride back to your point of entry, slamming the door so hard that things fall off both the television and the nearest bookshelf. And finally, fling yourself onto the couch where you hide under the throw rug and sob.


That was the scene in our house Tuesday night. Histrionics and misdirection. The two greatest weapons in the fight to keep from opening that last doorway into my soul.


The door led into the room that housed the most important reasons for my obesity and despite all of my positive affirmations, or perhaps because of them, I stood there afraid to turn the knob. All the KEEP AWAY signs and DANGER notices had been ignored. The locks picked and chains cut away thanks to the hard work I've done in these prior months, most especially this last three weeks. All that remained was to open it and the truth would finally be free. So, I sunk to scraping the bottom of the barrel: I went on a spending spree of books and junk food (after Alaskaboy's urgings to spend wisely this month after our holiday.) I didn't do any house work (except for washing clothes because we were all out) for a week. Yes, a week's worth of dishes were strewn all over the kitchen benches, stove, oven, and dining table. Now they're tidied and after soaking for two days to get the accumulated junk off them, half have been washed.


But, I digress, back to the other night. A week long bender of reading and eating and general blah behaviour guaranteed to get my husband to ask what was wrong. Only problem with that fail safe plan is that he worked insane hours all last week and especially Friday, spent most of Saturday in an exhausted fog and came down with a bladder infection on Sunday. Monday and Tuesday he improved after taking the antibiotics but was still tired. I? Was horny as all hell and let him know so.(Thanks to said reasons he had no interest whatsoever.) Assuming he was too tired I let him go to bed Tuesday evening because I knew he had to get up early Wednesday morning and I went back to devouring books. Imagine how I felt half an hour later when I went into the computer room to look up something on the 'net and he hadn't gone to bed like I'd assumed he would and was instead working on fiscal matters.


The doorknob turns at last, but still the door stays shut.



I continued on doing what I had intended to do, trying to summon the courage and tone of voice to ask what I had to without causing a fight because I knew he needed to go to bed.


The doorknob turns all the way and the door is pushed ajar.


Having found the control at last I turned around and asked some very loaded questions. “Why is it that if I'm sick or not interested I'll still offer you relief, yet when the tables are turned, I get nothing without having to ask for it? Is it that men and women are raised like that or is it just that I'm more giving than you are in this respect? I know you're shy about instigating things, but I have said straight out the last couple of nights how I've been feeling.” and then applied the goad guaranteed to get a response. “Why won't you seduce me, don't you find me attractive anymore?” (well, something along those lines, I was crying by that point and don't quite remember exactly what I said)


And then more ranting and raving that was one huge cry of Me, Me, Me! What about Me? Disguising my very real need to cope with what I'd been avoiding, certainly not telling him the bigger reasons I was upset. After I fled the scene of my disgrace, he followed me to snuggle and talk on the couch, --admitting he hadn't done anything because of the times we'd had the same argument in the past and he had given me relief, I'd complained about it not being the same as the whole hog, so I'd said don't worry about doing so in the future, I'd wait until he was capable of tripping the light fantastic for real. (Everyone able to follow that though the layer of euphemisms so far? LOL) We kissed and made up after some more crying on my behalf and I sent him to bed to sleep and I went off to shower, which is usually my way of self-soothing after an argument.


{wrung out and exhausted, no longer able to stand straight, the door swings wide open as I stumble headlong into the secret room.}


Standing there in the shower and replaying the argument in my mind, it all finally made sense. But, first of all, I owed my husband an apology. Not only an apology, but a big thank you, and the honesty I usually showed. But, I was so very afraid that this would be the one thing that would chase him away. If it did chase him away... well, I didn't even want to contemplate it. I knew the time had come to tell him what I've learned about myself and the reasons for my obesity. Talking things through with him also helps clarify things and find even more depths to what I initially uncover, so I was definitely afraid of that!


Luckily he wasn't asleep when I went to bed. I offered my apology and his reply was typically him, “what for?”


For taking my fear and not only blaming him, but taking it out on him also. For assuming, despite all evidence to the contrary, that he was like past boyfriends. For not being able to accept myself as completely and unconditionally as he does. And for so many more reasons. But, mainly, for playing the mind games I'd been playing all week. For being dishonest when he had in fact asked if I was all right. Hypocrisy right there, folks. Demanding complete honesty from him, yet lying right to his face about something so important.


The thing is; I was not okay this week. Not by a long shot.


I was a precocious child when it came to sex. I started asking my parents questions at the age of four. And my mother read to me the book by Peter Mayle - Where Did I Come From? My favourite picture in the whole book is where the Mum and Dad are in bed together and there's love hearts floating around. (So mum tells me) Now, from that moment on I equated sex with love. As I got older, started puberty, and had boyfriends, I assumed that they loved me and I loved them and exploring would take place. I enjoyed it. I'm a sensual person so hugging was bliss, kissing was strange but nice, and fondling did funny things to my innards that I didn't really know how to deal with, nor did the boys I dated. So for the whole of my dating years I learned how to give. Only one boy did I have sex with and yes, he was the first one to tell me he loved me. I was almost seventeen, and in my head that meant we would grow up and get married. That relationship lasted a couple of years and ended in heartache. But, that wasn't the deep dark secret.


Alaskaboy already knows all of my past, no skeletons in the closet to speak of. Sure, we knew the bad stuff was there, but we thought we'd dealt with it. What both he and I didn't know was how I really felt about some of those instances. Nor that I'd been blaming myself. We didn't know just how much resentment, anger, fear, and self-disgust I'd been hiding under this protective layer of fat. We had no knowledge of how deep the barrel had become. Losing as much weight as I have recently, each pound another scoop out of the barrel, I finally got to the point where I began to feel sexy. Began to recognise my sensuality in all of its expressions. Began to see my figure appearing from under the layer of protection. (The doona as Beck refers to it in her journal.) And sure enough as I kept bailing, I eventually got to the last scoop, scraping the bottom of the barrel in all its slimy glory.


The door, the last scoopful, the end of the road, whatever euphemism you wish to call it by, I was there as of last week. And I panicked. I froze. Head down in the barrel, I couldn't lift that last bit out into the light of day. I refused to turn the doorknob. No way in hell was I stepping off the path into the unknown. So I dove headlong into the safety net of coping behaviours I've always used.


Until Tuesday night when I realised that if I kept going, I'd always be a prisoner. Those people in the past would forever have power over me and there was a very real chance that my current and future behaviours, caused by my inability to drain the poison completely, would lead me to eventually drive away my husband.


Let's see what that morass held once I finally took the time to sort through it all, shall we? (Sorry but I'm only giving the bare essentials. You'll get the drift anyway.)


Self-blame: If I hadn't snuggled and kissed and explored with this one boy and enjoyed it so much, in effect leading him on, would he still have cornered me in the toilet and not let me out till I gave him a blow job?


Hell yeah! It was his power trip that wouldn't take no for an answer on that occasion.



Anger: Would the friends I much later talked about this with (not in explicit details) have listened if I hadn't been such a drama queen at that point in my teenage years?


No, they weren't able to cope with what I told them. And so told me it was just harmless exploration. They didn't listen, and I didn't want to make a fuss or compound my stupidity, so I didn't elaborate any further.



Resentment: Would my boyfriend have taken the time to give me orgasms if I'd pushed the issue?


No. He didn't have the skill, or the inclination, to get me there. (self blame again: I didn't have the trust in him or myself to relax enough for it anyway.) And that was the trigger for Tuesday night. I was accusing Alaskaboy for doing the same behaviour when in fact he was only respecting my earlier wishes. (I must be so confusing to live with, I swear!)



Self-disgust: All “they” see is the body and not the person inside. Even the strong, healthy, voluptuous body's not good enough to keep them, therefore I'm fat and ugly. I'm not worth loving.


I'll pile on the weight to show the world how disgusting I really am. (But, if I do find my true love, he'll see the real me beyond all the fat. I hope.)



Self-disgust: Going out drinking with friends and kissing guys just so they'd buy me a beer.


Still can't believe how lucky I was to not catch even a cold sore!



Anger: Being forced yet again to give a blow job in a toilet. (certainly explains my preference for having the door open!)


Hard lesson learned that my “friend” was not a friend at all.



Self-blame: OK. Obviously that's not enough protection, need to eat more!


So I did.



And I ate, and I ate, and I blamed my fat for all of my problems. Shoving down just how hurt I was by all of those things and every bad decision I made from that point onwards. Alaskaboy knew all of those things before we got married. He married me in spite of all the damage I'd done to my self esteem, health and the screwed up way I constantly tested his love.


He loves me. All of me. But, as you can see from the list above, I didn't – not until Tuesday night. Nor did I understand the many ways in which I'd lied to myself.


Did fat stop the boys, and girls, from perving? No. Did it stop the second guy from forcing me? No. So how is being fat safe? It's not. So time to accept the shape I see emerging now that I'm throwing off the illusion of protection. Be angry about the betrayals? I have every right to be! Time to feel the anger. I've already learned the lessons, now feel the emotion then let it burn itself out. Don't resent the lack in others, accept it and move on. We all grow and change and do the best we can in any given moment.


Forgiving my younger self and those people was a lot easier than I thought it'd be. Once released the wound no longer festered and is healing surprisingly quickly.


When Alaskaboy and I were done talking Tuesday night. I'd cried so hard I felt like I wanted to vomit and my head would explode. Since then, I've been coming to terms with the new, lighter and freer me. I finally see what Alaskaboy has known all along and what all the rest of them failed to comprehend. Their loss, my gain. The past is where it belongs. Now I'm eager for what I can achieve looking through the eyes of love. Speaking of the eyes of love. You remember my fear that I'd drive him away with just how much rage I was feeling and how I deeply I'd lied about being okay and having moved on from the past? His response to the more than an hour long snot fest was to say, "You know I'm not going anywhere, you can't chase me away. I love you." How can I say anything less to him? Or to myself.


The scales say I've gained four pounds, not surprising with what I've been eating and the lack of activity I've had over the last ten days or so. I may have gained four pounds but I've shed a mountain. Tuesday night, I scooped up the mess and washed the barrel clean; kicked down the door and put the last of the rubbish out for collection; tied up my boots, grabbed a water bottle and headed out for a hike into the jungle!


As Ford Fairlane would say, “This case is getting Ca-losed!”

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

Suck it, Pool!

December 14th: I swam 1km in 40 mins and was elated.

Completely totally and utterly knackered, however.

February 7th: I swam 1km in 35 mins.

And felt good enough to keep going.

At 1.25 kms I was tired, but still had some gas in the tank.

At 1.3 kms I was a wee bit on the stuffed side of the equation... but 1.5kms was only 8 laps away! So I finished on a bang.

200m Individual Medley (With a ten second or so rest at each stroke change.)


1.5 kms completed in 60 mins! Woohoo! And I could shower afterwards without needing to take breaks or lean against the wall for support!

I'm definitely gonna be ready for the single leg triathlon at the end of this month... as Kath would say, "I can feel it in me waters."

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Two down, fourteen to go!




First, before I go any further, just lemme say, Raina, you're the bestest! (She's the one who designed the lovely ticker you see before you.)

Two weeks have just flown by, andI can't believe how easy the exercise is. Take a look at just what I've accomplished so far.

Key:
Loss
Gain
Maintain


Weight
Start: 227 lbs / 103.2
Wk One: 224 lbs / 101.8
Wk Two: 222.5 lbs / 101.1 kgs



Key:
Goal
Achieved
Bettered
Unachieved

Day 1 - 45 mins Yoga
Day 2 - 15 mins Ab works. 30 mins Yoga.

Day 3 - 45 mins strength training. 20 mins yoga.
Day 4 - 20 mins Walk (1 mile). 30 mins Step Aerobics
Day 5 - 25 mins Yoga. 20 mins Upper Body Training.
Day 6 - 20 mins Yoga. 30 mins Step Aerobics.
Day 7 - 15 mins Yoga. 40 mins CrossTrain Aerobics


Week One Total: 355 mins / 315 mins

Day 8 - 40 mins Walk (2 miles). 20 mins Stretching.
Day 9 - 45 mins Yoga
Day 10 - 50 mins Strength Training
Day 11 - 30 mins Step Aerobics. 15 mins Stretching
Day 12 - 20 mins Yoga. 40 mins Walk (2 miles)
Day 13 - 25 mins Yoga. 50 mins Strength Training
Day 14 - 15 mins Yoga. 20 mins Walk (1 mile) 30 mins Step Aerobics


Week Two Total: 400 mins / 315 mins


Now, what I wanna know is, why is it so easy for me to get regular, aka daily, exercise in when I'm doing something like this streak, but when I'm not, it's so very difficult? I shouldn't have to need the little regular rewards to want to do it. The weird thing is, half the time I don't even HAVE the rewards. I still haven't gone and received my be all and end all goal from last time: the full body massage. Maybe that's to do with I just don't know where to go yet, but I haven't really been looking either. (once, I searched once people!)

So, what is it that's so motivating about this streak if I'm not even getting the rewards? Couldn't I just do regular exercise and buy/do whatever I want anyway? Probably, but that doesn't seem to work.
Is it the accountability from having to come on here and tell you all I've failed? Nah, cause in the past I've failed with the exact same accountability occurring.
Narcissism, so I can brag how great I am when I complete the streak? It's not that bragworthy sheesh!
Mind games I play with myself to keep me interested by abusing my competitive side? That hasn't worked in the past either.

Habit?

No, it can't be habit, because when I'm not on a streak, I don't do it every day. The excuses pile up and I can't be arsed and start sliding backwards down the slippery path into slothville. Curse those sloths for building such a beautiful place to reside in!

For the first time I really don't have a good idea of why a thing works or how. And it's kinda bugging me. I know it shouldn't matter why it does, I should accept that it does and move on. But, I need to know. It's just in my nature. Why does this work so well? Anyone got any clues, cause I sure don't.

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Monday, February 05, 2007

Day 12 Streak Update

Start Date: Wednesday 24th January

Finish Date: Tuesday 15th May

Start Clothing size: US18W.
Day 12: US 16W


Start Weight: 227 lbs
Day 12: 222.5 lbs


Start BMI: 40

Day 12: 39.4


OK, it's been a couple of months since I posted any progress photos here. Mainly because, well, there hasn't been much, until now.

By the way, the shorts and the skirt fit beautifully in time for Christmas day. :)

But, in January I yo-yoed back up to 228.5 lbs and the cargo pants no longer fit me at all.

A week ago, I was still so bloated that the pants didn't fit.

Today, I could juuuust get them done up.

The thing is, I'm back down to 222.5 lbs and the bloating is all gone. But, the pants don't fit like they did before.
Why?
Because my shape is changing.

My hips are slimmer, so's my bum, legs.. well everywhere to be honest. Even my forehead and cheeks!
The "problem" is that, as I'm getting healthier, gaining more muscle mass and the fat is disappearing from my body, certain parts are firming up. My belly is the main culprit of this. The skin is firmer and there is a whole bunch less fat, so it doesn't hang anywhere near as far down as it used to, even a month ago it was lower than this despite me being 3 lbs lighter than I am now!

This may be Too Much Info for some people, if so skip the next paragraph.

The last time I took photos, the lower belly was loose and squishy enough that I could tuck the skin and fat down into the part of the pants below where the zip starts. Hence the bits behind the zip being slimmer, I could zip it up no problems. Less fat, but looser skin you see. Now... the belly juts out high and proud! Despite the fact that there's even less fat than before, the skin is firmer and there's no squishing it down at all. How do I know there's less fat in there? Because it doesn't all feel like one solid mass any more. I can discern individual little globules of fat when I poke at it. Kinda like cottage cheese as opposed to bocconcini. LOL Does any of that make any sense?

So, the pants don't zip as well, but I don't care, I can tell other progress is occurring. I've also included some shots of me in bike shorts now. Will be taking those once a month so as to show any subtle nuances that street clothing could miss.

Oh and speaking of high and proud, my boobs aren't squished into the crop top any more so there's definitetly a more natural shape to them too!

Anyway, enough blather, the photos can be seen by clicking through the visual progress link over on the task bar.

P.S. The upper belly looks a bit bigger and firmer, but that's because I finished eating a fairly large lunch just before having these photos taken. In the photos from December, like most of the preceding photos, I'd taken them first thing in the morning. That's after eliminating morning wastes and fasting for 8 or more hours because I'd been asleep. I will continue that trend from now on since from these photos it's patently obvious what a huge difference a meal can make. An unfair and inaccurate difference! So, back to keeping as many constants as possible. Will probably take the bike shorts photos against the white door from now on as in the blue jeans photos, they just don't show up well enough against the couch.

So, yeah, some progress has been made. Looking forward to the next shots now.

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Saturday, February 03, 2007

Healthy? My arse!

Now, since moving here I've had a hard time finding a non-sweet cereal that wasn't all-bran or porridge. Even the raisin/sultana bran has frosted fruit in it! When I saw the box of Fiber One Cereal, I was ecstatic. An oat bran-ey cereal that looked like it'd be fabulous with some sliced banana in it. I didn't stop to read the ingredients figuring that since it was endorsed by the Diabetes Association it had to be good for me, right?

And, it tasted good for me too.

Except, I couldn't eat much of it because it was so filling.

And today I realised why it's taken me many months to eat even the one box, despite liking the flavour a lot.

After my fairly low carb lunch I was wanting a carbilicious cerealy type snack so I went with the Fiber One and a banana. Being hungrier than usual since I wasn't having anything else with it like toast or whatever, I went with a double portion and took my time enjoying it. Not long before finishing eating it I had a monstrous headache. Returning earlier from whole foods and eating a fantastic lunch, and only yesterday having read this article,(careful it's a long 'un) I finally read the ingredients on this so called healthy cereal. Included within it's crunchy tasty confines were some so not wholesome things like guar gum and cellulose gum and... an artificial sweetner. Specifically aspartame.

SHIT!

Ok, I can see why the diabetes folks would love it since it's lower in calories through the reduction of sugar in the product due to the aspartame. But what about us poor bastards who can't eat that stuff and get a HEADACHE every single time we ingest the crap? HUH! What about us? I guess we have to read every bloody label, even of things that APPEAR to be healthy, in case they're yanking our chains once again.

The low grade headaches I was getting every day after I'd eat the cereal I was blaming on a plethora of other things, never thinking that the HEALTHY cereal would be the one doing me in. I guess the other times the dose was small enough so that it popped up later in the day whereas this time it was there before I even finished the bowl.

And here I am out a tasty breakfast cereal.

Excuse me while I go lay down and beg for the headache to be over and done with!

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Lunch, - brought to you by Nannette and Lisa Jane.

This morning I was kinda peckish but had no idea what I wanted. Nothing in the house interested me. Was replying to a couple of posts where a certain someone had mentioned hummus and corn chips and THAT was what I wanted for lunch. Then another certain someone mentioned glorious salads....

I had to go to whole foods to do some shopping today anyway, so I figured I may as well get some hummus and chips, plus some yummy salads whilst there.

Get this, I went shopping without having breakfast first. By the time I got there I was starverated, but I went through the shop and got only what I'd planned to buy. Well, okay, plus an extra jar of zucchini spread that I hadn't seen before that looked nice and some grana padano cheese that I remembered we needed, but they're sensible things! Then, I sat out in the car and ate some of the salad to tide me over till I got home.

When I got home I sat down and enjoyed every mouthful!

That has never happened before! Usually if I go shopping when hungry I make all kinds of impulse buys, e.g. I'll get some chocolate or a juice or chai or some other kind of snack to get me through till lunch. Or I'd eat breakfast before going (not what I was hankering for) and then not enjoy the lunch as much because I was no longer hungry.

What's happening to me? lol Whatever it is, I like it!

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

February Finished Fakin' Contest

Feeling Competitive? Then get your thinking caps on!

Currently I'm sitting at 224 lbs or 101.8 kgs. As you all know I've been wrestling with 220 lbs or 100 kgs for a very long time now. And I don't know about you lot, but I'm sick of it. Sure I'm a boatload healthier and fitter, but I want that stupid number to be gone from my sight forevermore! Not only that, I want to decidedly blow the smegger out of the water!

My mini-goal is to weigh 214 lbs / 97.2 kgs.

Now, based on my past experience I may or may not get there by the end of February, but I am bound and determined to get there by the end of the 16 week streak so help me, or I don't know what I'll do! Gnaw off my own leg in frustration, maybe? Shave my head bald if I'm only half a lb higher? Well, okay, maybe not, but you get the idea about how frustrated I am that even with all the progress I'm making in other areas, the scales just refuse to budge.

{whisper} All right, they budged. I saw 219.5/99.7 during this month and then ran away screaming like a little coward. But, that's beside the point! {/whisper}


So, in the spirit of refusing to continue to fake it because I REALLY wanna make it, I'm having a competition.

Rules:
1) Pick the date you think it most likely that I'll achieve my mini-goal.
2) You have until Midnight on Wednesday 7th February* to reply to this post with your guess.
3) You have one guess and one guess only.


Prizes:
What does the winner get? Well, apart from the satisfaction of helping me get beyond this stumbling block, (I know they'll be SO proud of that! LOL) they'll receive:
- Recipes for a three course, healthy but luscious, meal of my own recipes. (daily menu if preferred)
- Plus a poem written by yours truly about the winner.
- Plus an exercise DVD of your choice ($30US value or less please.)



Now, the winner is the one that picks the date closest to when I actually achieve the mini-goal. If there is more than one winner, you can divide the prize amongst yourselves, or I'll think of something else, depending on finances at the time.

So, um, yeah, that's the contest. Start guessing!




*Comments on this post will be turned off at that point. And that is US PacificStandardTime. If you're not sure what time that is in your own timezone, please leave your country and state/territory/province in the comment as well and I'll edit the timezone into this post as well. (Am assuming I don't need to put in other American timezones?)

Midnight Feb 7th PST is:
7pm Feb 8th Melbourne.
6 pm Feb 8th Brisbane.
5 pm Feb 8th Perth.
8am Feb 8th England.

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It's your journey, enjoy it unabashedly!

Hayley commented: “I thought I was over all that stuff, but obviously not. Only when I am able to confidently stand up no matter who i'm with and say "this is what my body wants and I will have it and offer no apologies" will I be free.”


Yup, one of the hardest things about eating the intuitive way, apart from dealing with your own inner stuff, is coping with other people's Opinions.

Now, I use a capital O for Opinions, because I'm referring to the commentaries from people who believe their own Opinion far outweighs any and all work you have done to date on your own weight loss journey.


You all know the people I'm talking about -- whatever words you choose to justify your reasonings and behaviours, they'll always have a huffy or disbelieving response in return.


Like...

You'd lose faster if you weren't eating so much

or you can't have that you're on a diet

or I lost a bazillion pounds in 6 weeks on this diet, you want hear more about it?

or if you love me you'd finish what was on your plate (plus variations on the theme)

or any number of speaking glances to portray their disgust at your methods

or telling you to get a life and stop obsessing about yourself and losing weight

or trying to feed you up out of jealousy

or flat out disbelieving that you can keep it up

or you should be doing (some other program) because that worked for them and if they did what you were doing they'd put on a bunch of weight

or...


...and the list goes on.


We're all individuals. We all had different reasons and ways in which we became unhealthy, miserable, and dissatisfied with ourselves. It stands to reason that we'll all have different reasons and ways to regain our self esteem and good health.

Eating? Counting calories, low carb, intuitive eating, low G.I., vegan, pescetarian, or any other way of eating you can think of.

Progress checks? Weighing every day or once a blue moon, clothing sizes, ability to do things you couldn't before, etcetera.

Exercise? Aerobics, weight training, yoga, synchronised swimming, lawn bowls, rock climbing, meditation, walking. Twice a week, every day, regularly or irregularly.


Whatever lifestyle you choose to live that makes you healthy, happy and satisfied with who you are, go for it! And tell those Opinionated people to mind their own damn business. You don't need to justify anything in regards to your weight loss to anyone, not even yourself.



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