Thursday, December 28, 2006

New Ticker for the New Year.

{admires shiny new ticker}
I asked Alaskaboy to pick my 2007 ticker. He selected the choo choo on the track. He's quite proud of me and chose it, "because you're steaming along towards your goal weight,"

Isn't he sweet? {all melty}

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Still lower than this time last year. Mwuhahahah!

I'm at 222.5 lbs / 101.1 kgs.

So this week a gain for me of two lbs. I'm ecstatic over that actually. I've got period bloating and we ate a lot of salty restaurant food for dinner last night. Last period, I put on 4 lbs, that was without restaurant food and christmas being smack dab in the middle of pms.

My last weigh in for 2005 before I went away on holidays was BEFORE christmas and was still 1/2 lbs or 200g heavier than what my last weigh in for this year is, after christmas. Teehee. God that feels SO good. I wasn't going to weigh in today because I feel so very bloated and a little ick, thanks to the ultra greasy food from last night, but I'm up, it's my last chance to weigh in before we go on holiday, so I may as well take it. I've been (at times, painfully) honest all year, why stop now? lol And no, I'm not changing my tickers, I know what caused this "weight gain", so it'll stay and I'm betting I'll be under 220lbs when we come back!

And now? we're off to do aerobics.

If I don't get a chance to post later today or tomorrow, we'll catch yas from Nebraska! Ooroo!

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Feeling full of vim and vigour...

...let's hope it's not piss and wind instead! LOL

Seven letters in January, so seven goals this month.
My guess is that if I do indeed complete goals one through four, whilst eating properly, then five and six will hopefully follow along from that.

Goal number one:
Do an hour of exercise every day on average. (including the last four days of December 2006.)

Goal number two:
Be able to use a 4 inch step by the time we come back from vacation, even if modified.

Goal number three:
Complete triathlon with G and P.

Goal number four:
Increase all of my weights by a minimum of 1.5 lbs by the end of the month

Goal five:
Be below 220 lbs by the end of the month.

Goal six:
Take progress shots that show improvement in fit of 16W shorts and 14 jeans.

Goal seven:
Edit Curdish Capers and submit it.

EDITED 11th January: Changed Goal One as it was slightly unrealistic when on Holidays.

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Wrapping Up 2006.

Now that the presents are all undressed from their pretty paper, it's time to wrap up 2006. I'm very pleased to report that this year has been a good'un. The last five years I have been heavier with each progressing year. During the middle months there would be brief moments of hope and coy flirtations with good health, but always by the time Christmas rolled around I was fatter and more miserable than the year before.* New Year's Eve? I was about as much fun as a dirty dishrag. Depression, denial and self-hatred tend to do that to a person. Though I faked it as best I could, looking back I think I was only fooling myself.


I clearly remember sorting through my wardrobe last year, heartsick that all those gorgeous clothes that we'd purchased just six weeks prior had no hope of fitting. Not through any fault of my own, I had continued to lose weight whilst dealing with my strained groin, but that didn't ease my sorrow at not being able to wear the lovely outfits I'd been so excited about. The 18W jeans I could wear, but none of the pretty skirts and certainly not the 16Ws. I was angry too. If only I hadn't strained my groin, they would have fit quite nicely. I was fed up of making do with what I had in my wardrobe. I wanted to feel pretty and feminine and wear what I desired to wear.


Selecting the old faithfuls and giving them to Alaskaboy to pack I couldn't even be bothered planning combos, just went with what I knew worked. Yes, they were nice in their own way, but I'd chosen those other clothes to wear and now I couldn't. Part of the reason I was so focused on the clothing issue was so that I didn't have to deal with the fact that we would be seeing our newest niece for the first time, and the cousin that the girls should also have been meeting would not be present. Easier to deal with a cranky groin and ill-fitting clothes than empty arms. Easier to deal with materialistic things than my relief that I still had the chance to get fit before trying again to fill our arms. Angry that the strained groin had put a kink in that chance. This year I've come to understand that it really was a blessing in disguise. Neither Alaskaboy nor I were ready. Emotionally, we mostly were, but in every other way that counts, nu-uh!


The first half of this year saw me floundering around doing everything in my power to show Alaskaboy and those around me just how useless, ugly and horrible I truly am. A last ditch effort as it were. There was also a lot of soul searching, trying to get to the bottom of “Why does something always happen to sabotage me every time I try and lose weight?” Eventually even I got sick of myself and realised something had to give. For once, it wasn't me. I stood firm and told my eating problems and low self esteem that it was them who would be hittin' the frog'n'toad this time around, along with everyone else who told me what I should be doing in regards to my own diet. More navel gazing followed that, along with a gradual increase in exercise. Years of yo-yo dieting and inconsistent splurges of exercise will play havoc with a girl's fitness levels. Thanks to slightly more regular efforts at exercise than in years prior I was able to soon get into the habit once more.


The weight started to drop off, but plateaued when I settled down to the serious business of finishing the rough draft of my first novel. (The fact that my exercise had slipped back to occuring only in sporadic bursts had absolutely nothing to do with it. Nope, nu-uh, nothin'! Truly! ... okaaay, maybe that's a little white fib.) Kind of a shock to realise the end date for the writing challenge you set is actually a month earlier than you'd thought; start of October, not the end! But, boy what an inspiration. Now I know why authors have deadlines, else they'd endlessly fuss and fret and never complete a thing. Lol


Having completed that, I embarked on a twelve week long exercise streak. (I blame my exhausted brain for even thinking of something so insane!) The early rewards every few days definitely helped keep me motivated, and then as it evened out to once a week I was surprised to discover this exercise stuff was becoming a habit. I felt a bit like a kid, a corny kid at that, printing out my reward list and crossing off each as I came to it, as well as a calendar where I circled every successful day. But you know what? It worked. Every evening Alaskaboy came home and I'd show him another successful day done, and I felt great! Oh, there were times when I felt like quitting, so I'd do a slow stroll and some very easy yoga for those days. I was certainly ensuring I got “rest” days in amongst the extremely active days. No strained anything was allowed this year!


All of a sudden, (HA!) my clothes were fitting better, I had more energy, my confidence levels went through the roof and I was definitely much more pleasant to be around. Even when working through more stuff as the year progressed, I talked about them, instead of whining about how hard it is and how easy it is for everyone else. Or how lucky they are to be losing weight, oh how I've always hated that jealous and lazy statement, even as I was saying it all those numerous times. We all know it, “So and So's so lucky, I wish I could be losing weight like they are!” Well, guess what, so and so was probably working their arse off too, I just didn't want to DO what was necessary. Eating healthy, exercising regularly and drinking enough water. Wallowing was so much easier and more fun. No responsibility for my own personal growth that way, blaming everyone else for what I put in my own mouth. What was I? A pig at the slops trough? Oink, Oink. Easy to agree with society, I'm lazy, stupid and horrible, so I'm fat! I can't help it.


{snort}Yeah, right!


Oh, wait? Yes, I can. All those times I'd sneered at successful weight loss stories when they so blithely stated, “This time I really wanted to lose weight, and something just clicked inside.” I take it all back! It really does come down to something inside that finally stands up and says, enough is enough. A refusal to accept your own slavery to food and negativity any longer. That's not to say that every day comes up smelling like roses and that my shit no longer stinks. It just means that each day I wake up ready to try the best I can. To be loving to myself as well as to others. To eat what my body is in need of today. To exercise and strengthen my brain, muscles and cardiovascular system. To increase my flexibility; both in regards to my life as well as my muscles.


Obesity is such a rigid way of life. No room for anything except an obsession with food and hiding from whatever the real problem is that I was subsuming with all those extra calories. Well, I can't do the splits yet, but I'm working on it. With pretty skirts, positive affirmations, personal evaluations and a pig-headed desire to go “Whee, Whee, Whee,” all the way to a happy and healthy body.


As I was thinking of how to finish this, I thought to myself, considering all these piggy references, wouldn't it be funny if 2007 is the year of the pig. Wait, when IS the next year of the pig? And so I went and looked it up.


Guess what? 2007 is the year of the pig.


So, this lil' piglet is planning on, during her 2007 summary, being able to look in the mirror and say, “That'll do, Pig, that'll do.”








*I must mention that the 2004-2005 year is a bit of sleight of hand though. I was at 99kg in late November when we left to go to Australia for a 4 week holiday, but I was a good 5 kgs heavier by the time Christmas day rolled around. Well, I estimate so, since I was weighing on different scales. So, in essence from December to December I probably maintained or lost a little. But, going by my own scales from November to November, 2005 was once again heavier.

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Saturday, December 23, 2006

Size Ate.

Would loved to have seen this show.

Click, watch, tell me what you think. Pretty please?

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Goals, Glorious Goals.

My 2006 goals were as follows:

1) Be healthier than I am now. - Check.
2) Be as fit as possible. - Check.

3) Be on or under 165lbs/75kgs - Fail. I am happy with my weightloss for this year.
4) Have a short story and/or novel accepted for publication. - Fail. But I did sumbit more. :)
5) Finish current WIP and start the next. -Check.
6) Save as much money as possible. IE be more frugal with spending money. - Check.


So, all in all a good year for me.

Funny how the focus has changed for next year. Not so much focused on a specific number on the scale any more. My weight goals really are just added on as an afterthought. ;)

2007 Goals Are:

Clothing
1) Fit comfortably into the clothing I was wearing on my first trip to America by end of the year. (will get actual sizes later)
2) Wear a sexy dress for our wedding anniversary.
3) Fit comfortably into special blue outfit.

Food
1) Continue with Intuitive Eating.
2) Buy takeaway/eating out less. (only for saving money aspect)
3) Cook three new kinds of cuisine I've never tried before.
4) Actually go on more picnics this year with Alaskaboy, instead of just planning to.

Work
1) Completely revise Serenade and send it out into the world
2) Complete first draft of Prelude.
3) Submit at least five short stories
4) Research agents and send query letters.
5) Do at least one interview for a part time job.

Strength Training
Susan Powter's Building Strength:
1) Squats = 20 lbs. Biceps = 12 lbs. Quads, Glutes, Hammies, Traps, Triceps, Pecs = 8 lbs. Delts = 5 lbs.
(Ended 2006 @ Squats and Biceps = 5 lbs. Quads, Glutes, Hammies, Traps, Triceps = 3 lbs. Delts (military press and upright row) = 1/2 lb. Pecs = 2.5 lbs.)
2) Make more progress on my "Sits Up And Takes Notice" challenge.
Cathe Friedrich's Body Fusion Add Ons:
1) Complete Upper Body Workout with no modifications
2) Complete Lower Body Workout with no modifications
Cathe Friedrich's Muscle Max:
1) Be able to get through some of it with modifications.
Other:
1) Move from on the knee (feet up) push ups to plank push ups

Triathlons
1) Do the three single-legged triathlons with G and P.
2) Be able to complete a three-legged one by myself over three consecutive days.

Step Aerobics
1) Be using a 6" step.
2) Be able to do full Body Fusion workout.
3) Able to get through Cathe Friedrich's Low Max, modifying movements and/or step when necessary.

Weight (I know I shouldn't have a weight goal, but I like watching the tickers move! lol)
In the later half of 2006 I lost 18lbs / 8.2 kgs. So I think I'll go for a little more than double that for a nice even 40lbs (or 18.2 kgs.)
1) Start Weight 220lbs / 100kgs. Goal is 180 lbs / 81.8 kgs.

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Another Update for Fab 50.

Do have a question about Squats: The weight I have written, I actually hold that amount in each hand. So, does that mean I should actually have double that weight listed? ie three in each hand equals six in total.
Just thought of that this morning and wasn't sure. Other weights, you're using each muscle with an individual weight... but the bum you use both sides at once.


Start Weight: 100.9 kgs or 222 lbs

Current Weight: 100 kgs or 220 lbs

Start Size: 18W (22 AUS)
Current Size: 16W (20 AUS) (got the size conversion right this time. LOL)

Start Pushups: 10
Current Pushups: 20

Pecs Start : 1 lbs
Pecs Current: 2 lbs

Rhomboids and trapezius Start: 0 lbs
Rhomboids and trapezius Current: 1/2 lbs

Biceps Start: 3 lbs
Biceps Current: 5 lbs

Squats Start: 3 lbs
Squats Current: 5 lbs

Other Upper Start: 2 lbs
Other Upper Current: 3 lbs

Walk Start: 2 miles with the occasional 3
Walk Current: Mostly 3, with a 4 planned for this week. (have improved time on 3's though.)

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Streak Results Are In.

At the end of September I embarked on a streak. I endeavoured to complete a minimum of 40 minutes per day of exercise for as long as I could. If I completed twelve weeks, then I would be able to have a full body massage given by a professional masseuse.

Yesterday, I completed that streak.

Week One - Check. (320 minutes.)
Week Two - Check. (405 minutes.)
Week Three - Check. (397 minutes.)
Week Four - Check. (360 minutes)
Week Five - Check. (445 minutes)
Week Six - Check - (508 minutes.)
Week Seven - Check. (545 minutes.)
Week Eight - Check. (329 Minutes.)
Week Nine - Check. (550 minutes.)
Week Ten - Check. (440 minutes.)
Week Eleven - Check. (405 minutes.)
Week Twelve - Check. (400 minutes.)


Target: 3360
Average: 40 mins per day.

Actual: 5104.
Average: 60.76 mins per day.

All day yesterday I was humming this tune.


Over those twelve weeks I lost 9 lbs (approx 4 kgs) and dropped three dress sizes.

Here's the progress pics:
Front View
Side View

Mind you, the ones in blue top are in August and the ones in white were taken at the start of December. Still approximately 12 weeks apart. Since I don't have photos from the exact start and end dates of the challenge, these will have to do. Most importantly, they are indeed the exact same fitness, weight, and clothing sizes as I was at the start and end of the Streak.

I'm pleasantly surprised at just how many places change is apparent.

I must add, there was no dieting involved over this time period, only intuitive eating the whole way.

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Doesn't that rot ya socks off?

All measurements are in centimetres.

Last month:

Upper Chest: 100.0
Bustline: 120.5
Upper Right Arm: 45.4
Midriff: 97.0
Waistline: 105.9
Upper Hips: 133.0
Hips/Buttocks: 136.1
Right Thigh: 71.5
Left Thigh: 71.2
Right Calf: 44.3
Left Calf: 42.1

TOTAL: 967 cms


This month:

Upper Chest: 103.4
Bustline: 120.5
Upper Right Arm: 44.9
Midriff: 97.0
Waistline: 105.4
Upper Hips: 134.4
Hips/Buttocks: 136.1
Right Thigh: 70.4
Left Thigh: 73.9
Right Calf: 44.4
Left Calf: 44.5

TOTAL: 974.9 cms
Gain of 7.9 cms / 3.1 inches

Now, I know for a fact that some of this gain is muscle. Why? Because my left thigh and calf are now evenish with my right leg (right is dominant) and my pecs are stronger as well. However, the rest is a whole other story.

Bloating, oh how I loathe thee!

I'd been going to measure last weekend because I knew that this time last month was when the first of the PMS bloat started. Alaskaboy was busy baking however and we didn't get time to get the measurments done. (I did do a quickie measure of my hips and waist, and was pleased with the results.) I now wish I'd made the time.

Woke up this morning and weighed in several pounds heavier and with a belly that's all puffy and squishy. I knew I was in trouble yesterday morning when I tried on the 16w shorts, and had trouble zipping it up.
At least now that I'm a little healthier the bloating is much more readily apparent than it used to be. Even my upper chest (over the pecs and top of boobs) is slightly squishy.
Disappointed is an understatment for how I'm feeling, especially with this week s'posed to have been the final measurements to the 12 week challenge also. Instead, I will be using last month's measures as they are a truer indication of what's actually happened.

BUT! Wait a minny... (There's always a but.)
I'm bloated up the wazoo. I mean, it's really obvious, even Alaskaboy can tell that my belly is bigger than last night.

Then... I just realised, how friggen awesome is it that the measurement for hips/buttocks, which yes runs right smack dab around the middle of the lower part of the pannus for extra bloaty goodness, is exactly the same as last month?

January, here I come!

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Saturday, December 16, 2006

Colour me pink.

Unfortunately, my morning beverage tricked me today. The large cup of strong cup tea allowed me to think that I had less of an appetite than I actually did. Breakfast was finished before 10am, and I didn't have lunch till after half past three! I must also admit I was busy on the computer and didn't pay attention to the first coouple of hunger rumblings.

Ate a very satisfying lunch, but then was still feeling the low blood sugar half an hour later, so in went several of Alaskaboy's home made treats. (Only three, a date ball, one cream cheese wreath and a small piece of cashew brittle. It was all I felt like!) A good 3/4's of hour after that I was still woozy and nauseated, so down went a cup of gatorade. Took about another hour after that for things to settle down. I think it also helped that I drank about a litre of water in that time. Did I mention that I hadn't had any water except for one large glass upon waking?
It definitely helped that I'd gotten up, put on a fleecy sleeveless vest and moved around doing chores and such. I was freezing! (extreme hunger does that to me though.)

Can anyone say, "Bad, Kada. BAD!" I think I did just about everything wrong today except for overexercising!

Feeling depleted tonight, and sore from compounding the ache of swimming by sitting hunched over at the computer, I decided to go with some easy yoga for my workout. I also think I'll be having a warm bath and going to bed early tonight. Mmm bed!

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Alphas can't yap with us Betas!

Hmm.. maybe I don't suck as much as I thought. All these people reading, but not many comments. Perhaps this is why.


Hope they get it fixed soon! Else I'm pretty sure some of yas are gonna explode with frustraton. LOL

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Hmmph!

I didn't think I'd gotten that comfy with the step aerobics!


Looking back through my blog, I see it had been over a month since I'd gone from flat on the floor to the one and a half inch high plank of wood. Plenty of time to get all cozy.


Alaskaboy's comment from the other week now makes perfect sense. "I was tired from doing the workout, not because I'd actually worked hard." Or something along those lines, can't quit remember the exact wording. He'd gone up a dumbbell for the strength training workout and was explaining how his muscles felt that same pleasant ache from when he'd last increased the weight. I now comprehend. Intellectually I knew what he meant the moment he said it, it took a bit for my body to understand as well.


Up until now I've been that unfit that any progress has been an achievement in and of itself. Going from OHGODIWANNADIE to KillMeNOW to LookeeICanTalkANDExerciseAtTheSameTime was exhilarating, but I had no benchmark to gauge my success. Everything was an improvement on before.


This week I went up another one and a half inches out of curiosity, and if I'm to be completely honest, anger that the scales weren't moving. Right from that very first session, where I was forced once more to modify the workout, I realised just how easy it had been the last few times I'd done it. Yes, I had sweated because I was indeed exercising, but it was more my legs and muscles that were getting a workout because of the stepping up and down. My cardiovascular system was bored nigh unto tears! I'd gone from not only talking and exercising at the same time to blabbing a mile a minute. All of a sudden I was back at having to concentrate on breathing and where I was placing my feet. Yes, I could still talk occasionally, but it was much more of an effort. At one point I was starting to get too winded, so I modified even more.


The next session was a little easier, as I'm sure each successive one will be after that. However, I now know the signs to look for that my workout has become too easy. The signs that it was too hard I'd been accustomed to, I now have the experience to be able to look forward to going up another level. This has made a huge change in my outlook about exercise. I no longer believe I'm a hopeless case. I might actually be able to become a fit and healthy person. I'm an inch away from being able to use a “real” step, one of those you-beaut plastic jobbies that you see in every aerobics class. Six months ago I thought I'd never get there, that I was destined to stay fat and unfit for life. Na-uh, I'm inching my way forward to a healthy lifestyle.


Last month I hadn't been ready for an increase in the amount of my workouts, I just made myself exhausted by overexercising. This month I am ready, and it shows. I'm exercising less, but at a higher intensity. Not too high though, I value my health and learned from the strained groin last year. Slow and steady she goes with the modifications until I can once more do the whole workout. Then it'll be back to modifying when I go up another level, or switch to a more advanced workout. I guess this also helps to keep me from getting bored. And a bored Kada equals a less likely to exercise Kada.


Another indicator that I'd been herbin' along on cruise control with the cardio? I lost two and a half pounds this week.


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Friday, December 15, 2006

oh, the irony!

My close friends will agree with the results. But considering the title of this blog, I found it amusing! (thanks to Hayley for the quiz.)




You Are A Good Friend



You're always willing to listen

Or lend a shoulder to cry on

You're there through thick and thin

Many people consider you their "best friend"!

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You're not gonna bloody believe this.

I love to swim.*

No, that's not the unbelievable bit.

Someone else who lives in Australia likes to ride. This other chick here in the U.S. is good at running. We three belong to the same weight loss forum and have been egging each other on for a few months now with our exercise efforts. This week we realised we all have kinda been wanting a new challenge for 2007.

Can you guess yet? Need a hint, perhaps?

Put them together, and what do you have?

Yeah, I've kinda agreed to possibly run a sort-of-triathlon. I'm excited, but I still can't believe it. Now, I say a sort-of-triathlon because we're all living in very different locations it'd be a bit hard to get together in the one race. Well, it'd be OK if we were made of money, but we're not, so we're doing the best we can. Come the last week (or thereabouts) of January, we're going to do a Single-legged-Two-hemisphered-Three-day-triathlon!** LOL

Straight to Olympic-distance too.
Day One - I swim 1.5kms Day Two - G rides 40kms. Day Three – P runs 10 kms.
Then we all move to the next stage a couple of months later. And then the next, although I will most likely be walking most of that 10km distance. This body is not made for long-distance running, even in school I was a sprinter/hurdler/long jumper. Never long distance.

We're hoping that by the end of the year we can all do an individual three-day triathlon. I'm hoping that I'll be able to complete a super sprint or sprint distance triathlon myself by the end of 2008, with walking/jogging the run leg of course.

So, I can't believe it either but it looks like I'm gonna try this triathlon stuff.



*(just got back from one actually, and signed up for a 4 month membership at the pool. Kinda wasted the last one because it was too hot, mid-winter here in CA is perfect temps for me to swim. No sunburn! Woohoo!)

**Nah, we won't be that concerned with times, we'll just want to be able to say we completed the distance. ;)


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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Just call me, Cleo.

Dranga Ponn Pel,


I am sorry I've been out of contact these last umpteen months. There was this little matter of an unplanned vacation, to that new colony world, Egypte! It truly was an amazing break from reality. They dressed me in these outlandish clothes, whatever came to hand basically, and then feted me constantly. Occasionally there were these seemingly endless treks where I'd end up exhausted and, dare I mention the ickness?, all sweaty! But sure as milk is pink on Vefanin, they'd feed me more than enough again.

To this day I still don't know if they were fattening me up for some nefarious purpose of their own, they were the most savage looking people!, but they sure kept plying me with whatever my little heart desired. All, that is, except for new clothes. I had to keep wearing the same ceremonial outfits all the time! Sure, they washed them, in soap and water-- The barbarism!, but a girl gets sick of the same five or six outfits. No matter how much you mix and match, eventually it's all one big yawn. I could have cried from boredom.


Oooooh! Did I mention the big contest that I won? I entered it as a bit of a lark really, and I WON! Can you believe it, DPP? Me? Winning? There wasn't any prize; no sash, cup or crown. However I did win a title: Queen of D Nile. (I wonder if there's an A, B, or C Nile?? I think there's only one Nile isn't there? Ms Frangle, you remember her? My youngest's cosmogeography teacher. She never mentioned more than two Niles last year. D Nile, and that dessicated bed on Earth that it's named after.) Anyway! Everywhere I went, people couldn't take their eyes off me. It was fabulous!


The fabulousness wore off fast when I got home let me tell you. The sunshine there must be different or something. All those clothes that I'd been wearing? Shabby. Cute still, but definitely shabby and ill-fitting. Nasty things that did absolutely nothing for my figure. I am heartily glad to be back home where there's enough clothes to choose what I want to wear.


Darling, I know I promised you a stack of piccies, but in all honesty, I didn't take any over the last six months that you'd want to see. Oh, rest assured there were some, but you know how you feel about me baring my midriff for all and sundry to see. Your sweet, innocent self will not be subjected to such, I assure you. No, there's none of me in those ratty ol' costumes. (praise be!) I've donated the ones that are suitable to be so, and the rest I've given to the manservant. Mind you he assured me they'd be used in only the filthiest of applications or tossed in the rubbish! Well Played, says I!



Enough about yours truly, how was your sojourn to that yoga camp? Did they really teach you that beginner's pose? You know, the one printed on that lovely young man's shirt? I still say he was exaggerating. They couldn't possibly do something so outrageous, even in this day and age! Surely not? Could they? And why would they WANT to?



Anyway, I'm off to the dangle bar with my latest hugglefunp, as soon as he gets here, he's late as usual! But you know I'll forgive him as always; if he looks delectable enough.


Chookas!

Hunca Berninlov.

***


A couple of weekends ago, Alaskaboy and I went to the video shop to return some borrowed DVDs. This was the same weekend I went on my orgiastic shopping spree through my piles of 'spare' clothes. I was wearing a simple sweater/jumper and a pair of jeans with newish runners. (to clarify: This sweater I got for my birthday last year from my mother-in-law, and I hadn't worn it until then. So, it was still new looking. the 18W jeans had been worn on several occasions, but they weren't faded all that much.) I was definitely not wearing anything spectacular. Just ordinary, everyday autumn-type clothing.

I commented to Alaskaboy on the way out the door, "I feel kinda dressed up."

When we got into the car, he turned and looked me over. "You know, you're right, you do look all dressed up."

Then it hit me. How shabby I must have looked over the last year or so, if just wearing a pair of jeans and a jumper makes both of us think that I'm all gussied up to go somewhere! Then, I looked at my clothing when we got back home. They were indeed hard-worn. And yes I did dispose of most of them. But did keep a few for posterity and some of the lighter 3/4 length pants for nightwear whilst they still fit.

"I musta been Cleo for awhile." I said upon finishing bagging the unwanted stuff.
"Cleo?"
"Yeah, you know, Cleopatra, Queen of Denial."

And so, another post idea was born. ;)

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Stage Two - Complete!

Start Point: 101.1 kgs (222.5 lbs)
Aim: 99.9 kgs (219.8 lbs)
Plan: Raise step height to increase likelihood of cardio workout being slightly beyond comfort zone.

Stage Two Report for Operation Kilo Kick.

08:19:00 Completed 20 minutes yoga to work stiffness out of muscles.
08:22:00 Commenced step aerobics, full steam ahead on 3" high plank.
08:42:00 Started to get jelly legs.
08:45:00 Lowered to 1.5" plank, but stayed with non-modified movements.
08:52:00 Completed step aerobics
08:54:00 Light stretching
08:57:00 Successful completion of stage two.


Definite improvement on stage one. It may have something to do with the house being cooler since Alaskaboy hadn't started his baking yet, and it was earlier in the morning so I was refreshed. ;) Although I'd also like to think I'm a little fitter than the other day. LOL
I do feel fitter.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Bumtastic Bumups!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr9TOdQsyOA

LOL I cracked up watching this... but my god they must have strong bums!

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Monday, December 11, 2006

Operation Kilo Kick.

Start Point: 101.1 kgs (222.5 lbs)
Aim: 99.9 kgs (219.8 lbs)
Plan: Raise step height to increase likelihood of cardio workout being slightly beyond comfort zone.

Stage One Report.

21:48:00 Commenced warm up stretches.
21:52:59 completed stretching
21:53:00 Commenced step aerobics, full steam ahead on 3" high plank.
22:05:00 Ran out of steam.
22:06:00 Commenced modifications, but stayed with 3" plank.
22:23:00 completed step aerobics
22:23:01 commenced cool down stretches.
22:28:00 Successful completion of stage one.
22:29-22:40 drank copious amounts of water, pondered dinner, debriefed.


Well, let's hope Operation Kick That Kilo To The Kerb is successful. I WILL be below 100kgs by the end of this year, and through healthy means!

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Meme -- nicked from Chunky To Spunky.

  1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
    I look as tired as I feel.

    2. How much cash do you have on you?
    None.

    3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”
    Shore

    4. Favorite planet?
    Pern.

    5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
    Alaskaboy. (don't get calls from many other people.)

    6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
    Spring from Vivaldi's Four Seasons.

    7. What shirt are you wearing?
    Brown t-shirt

    8. Do you “label” yourself?
    Yeah lots. Wife, Daughter, friend, sister, me.

    9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
    Sockilicious!

    10. Bright or Dark Room?
    Darker. Have sensitive eyes.

    11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
    Think she's lovely. Would like to catch up and chew the fat one day.

    12. What does your watch look like?
    A freckle past a hair.

    13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
    Sleepin'

    14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
    Fuck, can't remember that, was years ago!

    15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
    Several miles away.

    16. Whats a word that you say a lot?
    Buggah!.

    17. Who's the last person that told you they love you?
    Alaskaboy

    18. Last furry thing you touched?
    Lambskin rug

    19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
    One. Caffeine.

    20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
    None.

    21. Favorite age you have been so far?
    Don't know.

    22. Your worst enemy?
    LSED

    23. What is your current desktop picture?
    Me at various weights. For inspiration.

    24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
    "You want some toast with the curry?”

    25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
    One meeeelyon dollars!

    26. Do you like someone?
    Yeah.

    27. The last song you listened to?
    Hello Dolly. (Babs.)

    28. What time of day were you born?
    Some time between 12am and 11:59pm.

    29. Whats your favorite number?
    Don't really have a favourite.

    30. Where did you live in 1987?
    With my parents and sibling.

    31. Are you jealous of anyone?
    Jealous? Not really.

    32. Is anyone jealous of you?
    Not that I'm aware of.

    33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
    In bed, asleep.

    34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
    Get angry. Then call the number on the machine and get my money back.

    35. Do you consider yourself kind?
    Most of the time.

    36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
    I have two already. Leg and back. Don't want any more.

    37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
    All of them.

    38. Would you move for the person you loved?
    I did.

    39. Are you touchy feely?
    Tactile and sensual. Yup that's me...

    40. What’s your life motto?
    Don't really have one, changes as life goes on.

    41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
    Hair, nails, skin. ;)

    42. What’s your favourite town/city?
    Don't have one. Love several.

    43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
    Food.

    44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
    A few weeks ago.

    45. Can you change the oil on a car?
    Yes.

    46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
    Don't know, been so long ago.

    47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
    Back several hundred years.

    48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
    A lovely dress that is almost too big now. Will keep it to be taken in when I'm at a level of fitness I'm happy with. A friend's wedding. It's expected..

    49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
    Neck. Slept funny..

    50. Have you been burned by love?
    Yes. .


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Rebuttal.

In response to my scales saying such horrible things, I would like to say, "NyahNyahnyahNYAH!"

My US14(Aus18) Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that I bought on my first trip over actually make it up to my hips. That's right, they fit my legs and the bottom half of my bum like a dream! Last time I tried them on, (more accurately that should be, last time I attempted to try them on,) I couldn't even get them up past my knees. And my AUS16 pair of shorts from Target that I bought about umpteen years ago actually make it up past the hips and sit comfortably.

Both pairs of pants won't even think about buttoning up. The shorts I'll be into sooner, despite them being the smaller size, because of gaining weight that time over summer I definitely wore them till I didn't fit in them anymore. Also, they have a zip and a button but they're a fairly stretchy pair of dress shorts, even the waistband is elasticized. The jeans, well, they've got a long way to go since they were never stretched at all!

So, I now have a good challenge. These aren't pairs of clothing that I can just slip on into in a couple of weeks of hard exercise, unlike the last lot. LOL

No, I'm not diminishing my recent achievements in the slightest, rather I'm challenging myself a little more this time. I'm being daring! It was so satisfying to watch those clothes inch closer and closer to fitting that I'm wanting to do it again, but starting from a little farther back this time. ;)

Dare I set myself a goal of fitting into those jeans by Valentine's Day 2007? I'll make sure Alaskaboy takes photos this week of me (sort of) wearing them.

In the mean time I have a fitted dress skirt AUS22 that I'd initially bought for my civil wedding service. I've never fit into it, ever. Currently it fits over the hips, bum and thighs, but the zipper still doesn't zip up. That is the very next goal. Make that fit, maybe even by the time we come back from Nebraska.

I'm back in the saddle and have successfully rid myself of my doldrums from earlier today. Woohoo!

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The Flavour Really Hits Ya!

Ok, the ad slogan was for Samboy Chips, but it's so true! (Anyone remember those ads from the 80's? LOL)

http://www.kettlefoods.com/index.php?cID=207


Alaskaboy and I tried the aged white cheddar ones yesterday. Wow. Low fat baked chips that look and taste like chips instead of flavoured cardboard. Love the regular Kettle chips, but they always leave a sheen of grease on my fingers (at 8g fat per ounce, I'm really not surprised!) so I was very pleased to see these.

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Why you little--{grabs scales by the throat}

222.5 lbs or 101.1kgs. AIYEEE! Put on 4 lbs with my period bloating, and then only take 3.5 off over the next two weeks. Still over 220lbs/100kgs. {sigh}

My friend Kay, the one I'm doing the christmas day challenge with, she's gone up a lb and yet she's got the same problem I have, clothes no longer fit! Her jeans were literally falling down whilst she was running to the car the other day. She didn't wanna stop because it was just too cold. Luckily she made it before her arse was bared to the world! lol

Oh well, just keep at it, I guess. Will get there eventually.


I just wanna stomp those stupid scales into a bazillion pieces!

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Saturday, December 09, 2006

Let The Countdown Begin.

I've had a lot on my mind today. But, surprisingly not past my lips. I guess after the HUNGRY days I've had over the last week I'm up for a not-so-hungry day. Although I did sleep in, so maybe that's part of it too, my body is three hours behind what it would normally be doing.


Streak Update, haven't done one in awhile.


Week One - Check. (320 minutes.)
Week Two - Check. (405 minutes.)
Week Three - Check. (397 minutes.)
Week Four - Check. (360 minutes)
Week Five - Check. (445 minutes)
Week Six - Check - (508 minutes.)
Week Seven - Check. (545 minutes.)
Week Eight - Check. (329 Minutes.)
Week Nine - Check. (550 minutes.)
Week Ten - Check. (440 minutes.)
Day Seventy One - Check. (30 minutes aerobics. 10 minutes stretching)
Day Seventy Two - Check. (40 minutes strength training. 10 minutes stretching. 3 mile walk. 65 minutes.)
Day Seventy Three - Check. (20 minutes slow walk. Don't know the distance. 20 minutes stretching.
Day Seventy Four - Check. (35 minutes cross train aerobics. 2 mile walk 45 minutes.)

Seventy four days in a row of a minimum of forty minutes per day. Can you believe it? I'm having trouble, and I'm the one who DID it! So begins the countdown for the final weigh in, and I admit it, I'm nervous. Only ten days to go. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Lift Off!

I'm pretty damn sure that I'm going to successfully complete this 12 week streak, but where do I go from there?

Do I really have as much of a grip on this regular exercise thing as I think, or is this all just to get me that fabulous massage?
What happens if I get to weigh in day and I'm STILL not under 220lbs (100kgs). I know I still don't have it all together in my head about the scales. I feel great, I'm losing inches and gaining muscle, but those scales still bother me! Will I go off the rails completely whilst in Nebraska for two weeks? Will I get lazy? Will I lose tone and fitness because I'll chicken out of doing my exercises despite taking the DVDs along with us?

This'll make you laugh... I cheekily declared to Alaskaboy last night that, "I'm over my problem with the scales, so please feel free to bring them back out of seclusion."


Not even two hours later when I was in the shower, I noticed what was running through my head and I was not pleased in the slightest. It went a little something like this: Cool, I only wanted the piece of pizza and a mocha freezey tonight for dinner so that means I should have a good weigh in. Oh but wait, I'm a little bloated from the cheese I had for lunch, so if I wait until Sunday, which is Alaskaboy's weigh in day, then I can eat lots of fruit and veggies or soup before then to get rid of the salt and so weigh in at a good weight. Or maybe I should wait until the end of the 12 week challenge? So that I don't have to weigh in three weeks in a row, this weekend, end of 12 week, end of Christmas challenge with Kay, oh shit and then again on the 28th because that's the end of the fabulous fifty challenge. Man, I'm gonna be so bloated the last half of this month, just like last month because I'll be due for my period so my results won't be as fabulous as I'd hoped for each challenge they'll be FAT and BLOATED And OMG I SUCK! No, wait, I DON'T suck at all. I'm happy, I'm healthy.. And AH-HUH I know what the fuck's going on!

I sheepishly stuck my head around the corner of the shower curtain and said, "Ahh.. I don't think I'm quite ready yet." He'd figured as much, was just waiting for me to work it out and had planned on asking me this morning if it was truly what I wanted to do, unearth the scaled one?

No, it is not. So, I've done some extensive affirmations last night and today. And as of the time of writing this I will indeed be weighing at the end of each challenge, but for now the scales will be going safely back to ZedZedLand after each weighing. I'm just not ready for the temptation yet. I'll be weighing in at the conclusion of each challenge because it's not the only measure I will be taking. There will be tape measures used, BMI calculators, body fat percentage and photographs. (Is anyone interested in seeing my food diary posts as well for those 12 weeks?) And, even if I don't get below 220lbs or 100kgs by the end of this month I WILL get there eventually. Just like I'll get to my other goals by continuing what I'm doing now. Eating what my body wants and only as much as I'm hungry for at that particular moment, in addition to regular exercise, strength and flexibility training. I am a healthy person, living a healthy lifestyle, ergo I will eventually be a healthy weight.

Ten days to go until the end of my 12 week streak. I must admit I'm very curious as to how much I've lost in that time, and how much I've gained.

I fit into that skirt today, that means by rights I should have weighed today also. I think I'll let it keep until Sunday though. ;)

See, scales aren't the boss of me or my self worth, I'm learning to recognise things before they precipitate a binge cycle, then dealing with it right away, no second guessing involved now. I'm not over my fixation with numbers, but at least I'm not seeing it as a reflection of me. Free form replying to Crankybee's post the other night, I said that I was no longer basing my self worth by the scales (or something to that effect) guess I really did mean it! LOL


My old ways tried to get their clammy hands on me again And I said NO! Alaskaboy knew it was too soon, I'd only been working on this particular issue for two weeks. This time, I pulled out the big guns and shot the shit out LSED's ambush charge. Damn it felt so very good. I do believe it was my first ever quickie. No more than five minutes from beginning to end. Mwuhahahaaha

One more post to go for the day and then I'm done. Promise! lol


EDIT 7:54pm.

{slaps forehead} It's ok, I had a ginormous bowl of pasta for lunch, we're talking two cups of bolognese sauce and 3 cups of pasta here. Ate it while on the phone with dad for a couple of hours. I just didn't realise that I kept eating little bits here and there as I got hungry. Breakfast was only a cheesestick so I guess it was fair to be super hungry by “lunchtime”. ;) Then, about 1.5 hours ago I had some cashew brittle. So, yeah, not much eating, but plenty of nutrient dense food. LOL


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Rats!

I was all stoked, ready to come on here and tell you the ecstatic news about my successful completion of yet another December Goal. But, I realised there's one little word holding me back. LOL

Comfortably.

This morning the skirt zipped up. The zipper now lies flat as it is s'posed to. The little button at the top even does up, and the skirt settles at my waist, skimming down over my hips nad it looks fabulous .

"It fits, it fits!" I muttered in pleased surprise, whilst twirling in front of the mirror.

After whipping it off and changing into warmer clothes, I dashed on out to the computer. But, upon reading my goals as I went to tick it off, I realised, in all honesty, that it doesn't fit comfortably. I didn't dare sit down in case I split the seams.

Technically, it fits, yes, but not comfortably so.

Since we're only 8 days into December(at least here in the USA), I get the feeling that it's gonna be very really friggen' comfy by the end of the month! LOL

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Why Do You See Right Through Me?

I had my mp3 playlist on random today as I was gearing up to do some writing. Sometimes I know what I want to listen to, and sometimes I haven't the faintest. Today, I sat and listened in shock as my theme song came on the player ... and I realised that it no longer applied to me. It is still a powerfully poignant song, but it no longer has the power to take my breathe away with how deeply it resonates within me.


I can still remember the first time I heard it. I was waiting for my boyfriend to come on-line as per usual at that point in time, and I was feeling particularly petrified that when he came to visit in a few months that he'd see the weight I'd put on since I'd seen him not even six months prior, and run screaming back through security.


That song came on the radio, and thankfully no one else was home. It tore through my soul and left me in tatters. Kasey had put her hand to the very heart of my every darkest fear and shone a 10K watt light upon them. I had nowhere to hide from myself... and was rapidly coming to realise I had nowhere to hide from Alaskaboy. He saw right through to the heart of me. He still does to this day. (Yes, I understand that she is talking about seeing right through a person as if they don't actually exist, I was afraid he'd do that to me, instead he saw right through me in another way completely. ) That song had gone to number one, so you can imagine how often I heard it over the next few months. I even found an mp3 of it and sent it to Alaskaboy. His only answer? “I love you.” And since the man is honest, sometimes painfully so, I eventually had to realise he was indeed telling the truth.

But, even until this time last year the song had the power to move me to tears, every single time I heard it. I guess I really was still looking right through me, not in to me!


Here are the lyrics; which aren't half as potent without the music. So go here if you wish to hear/see it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbqQIvHzovI)


Artist: Kasey Chambers
Song Title: Not Pretty Enough
From Album: Barricades & Brickwalls


Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart to broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me




This morning it hit me like a freight train – I am too pretty enough! I finally have the same answer that Alaskaboy had all those years ago. I can see right through to the heart of me, and I am at peace with the woman that resides there. I even love her. All of her.


This is such a weird feeling. So long have I fought against what I see in the mirror and what I perceive to be within me. The epic battles to be more than I am have raged down through the years and left devastation in their wake. My main enemies have been Fear, Self Hatred, Jealousy, and of course the ringleader, my nemesis, Low Self Esteem Demon. My soldiers have milled about flailing through ever-increasingly desperate skirmishes and they never seemed to gain any ground. In fact, no matter how many supporting armies my loved ones mustered on the field, there was no forward push of any kind.


Self-Love and Respect worked their way through the ranks until they were able to reach positions of command. All of a sudden I was winning battles left, right and centre. The commanders of my supporting armies were no longer speaking in tongues, I could understand their battle plans with stunning clarity. Slowly and sneakily there has come onto the field a new presence. This morning I blinked and saw for the first time the results of my new commanding officer, Acceptance. It's a rout people. A complete and utter rout of the enemy! I'm sure like any civil war that there will be ambushes in the future as the conquered foe seek to regain their lost glory, but as long as I honour Acceptance, Love and Respect, then I figure I should have a long happy reign ahead of me. Love Live Kada, Queen of Herself.



Such a simple thing I've come to truly understand: I am, and always have been, Enough.



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Friday, December 08, 2006

Let's Talk About Sex!

100th post already? Wow! And about one of my favourite subjects... sex. Rrowr!

Ok, this result is weird considering my past relationships, I was very bruised there for quite awhile. But, I guess it is true, I am a romantic, and so's my husband. :D Our friends, and even some strangers, have told us on regular occasions that we're incredibly cute together. Anyone who knows me would just about laugh their arses off though about the thought of me being innocent! LOL







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Thursday, December 07, 2006

PB -- Not The Kind That Goes With Jam.

Today when I was doing the new, harder strength-training video (Add-Ons section of Body Fusion dvd) for the third time since we got it, I was able to do more of the workout than the previous two times. ie more reps in each set and for more sets than before, even two sets of ten pushups! Not only that, but I had dinner straight after, and then went for a three mile walk.

That three mile walk? {insert HUGE smile here}

Remember how one of my October goals was to drop ten minutes off my time, and I almost did that? I went from 70 - 65 minutes. Then, for my November goal I wanted to drop more minutes... but it didn't happen, I actually went back up to 70 minutes due to overtraining. Well, I've improved again.

I did a new Personal Best time today!

Last time I did the 65 minutes it was without stopping at any traffic lights. It was like the god of traffic lights had smiled upon me, and all was green for go! When I got home from that walk, I pretty much collapsed in a heap in a chair, and didn't move for a good fifteen minutes afterwards. At that point I had to go straight to a bath because I was so stiff, and then do stretching later as well as a cool down walk. That was also the only exercise I did for that whole day.

Today I walked the route in 65 minutes.

But wait, I hear you say, that's the exact same time!

Ahh, but today, I stopped at a traffic light. Now I did forget to time the traffic light, but I know for certain that traffic lights usually stay red for at least 45-60 seconds.. sometimes even longer. So, in conclusion, I did a new PB! My next goal is to get under 65, even if I have to stop at one or more lights. LOL

Oh, and not only did I improve on the walk, but when I got home, I was able to stroll around the house slowly to cool off, and then still had the strength to do stretching.

Let's recap shall we? Best strength training workout and quickest walk I've done so far -- all in the same day!

Oh yeah, baybee!

I feel so pumped! I just know that I'm going to complete ALL of my goals for this month.

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No Prestidigitation Necessary.

On a weight loss forum I belong to, someone made a comment in response to my food diary that made me stop and think. I'd mentioned how Alaskaboy's making of a big batch of cashew brittle would test my newfound abilities to eat intuitively, and meant in a good way. And then a few days later I'd posted that I'd eaten half a 4oz container of Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream with half an orange for dessert.

Both times the response was positive and helpful, but the wording struck a chord deep within me. Concern was expressed that there be healthy snacks around to ameliorate my chances of refusing to scoff the lot. And then I was congratulated on my self control in only eating half the small container. I remembered so clearly the times I'd said similar things before in response to other people. The person that would have said those things no longer exists. Why? Because I've realised that there is no magical self control wand to be waved. There's no amount of sorcery that will imbue a piece of chocolate or candy with Evil nor are fruit and veggies saturated with Virtuousness.

BUT! In defense of this other woman, who by the way has lost over 150lbs, I will admit that I am in a different head space than her at this point in time. Just like I'm in a totally different emotional and mental state of health than myself when I said similar things previously.



What is that difference I hear you ask? Well, lemme explain.

I must admit that sweets aren't as big a problem as they used to be, neither is cheese. But the only reason that they're not is due to the eight months or so of hard work I've been doing on impulse and binge control. Well, ok not control, but working to understand why I had the binges in the first place. And ways to stop the binges before they even occur. There are still some days when binges happen, but it's more about eating for mouth-feel now, than to suppress emotions. And if it is a binge, I accept it, and move on. There's NO beating myself up for it whatsoever. I did the best that I could in that moment, and moved on. Each day, each hour, each minute, is about doing the best I can in that given time. The present is what matters, not the past, not the future, only now. Funny thing is, what I would call a binge now... I would have called a snack beforehand!

The book Overcoming Overeating by Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter has been extremely helpful in regards to this. I had also thought of buying their book When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies but strangely enough, I don't think I need it anymore. I've very comfortable in my skin now. I love my curves, and am enjoying the strength, health, and fitness that I'm gaining day by day. Quite honestly this is the first time ever that I've loved myself... hell, I even like myself! LOL

Every morning and evening, and sometimes more times in the day, I say my positive affirmations into the mirror. Not always aloud, but I always tell myself "I love you, Kada. I am strong, healthy, happy. I am sexy and beautiful. I trust you." Plain, simple words, yet very powerful. I got the idea of affirmations from Louise L Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. It too has been a big help in finding the strength to discover my true self. Finding the right affirmations has helped as well. I'd had it for years and it didn't do much until I was capable of accepting the lessons to be learned.

Snacks! Sorry I digressed. Yes there are healthy snacks around, there are also unhealthy ones. No food is good or bad in my house anymore. This is what the eight-twelve months of hard work has allowed me to achieve. (And I do mean HARD.) The thing that helped me the most was taking a food bag (more on that in their book) of foods that I actually wanted to eat. Before I would take granola bars or other “healthy” snacks. But the problem with all those “healthy” snacks is that they were full of sugar and fruit and not much else. I need me some protein along with the fruit or veggies or carbs. Now, I'm down to knowing what nibbles I would probably prefer to have, so I take some of those with me, and some for my husband too, whenever we leave the house. I don't go hungry. I eat when I'm hungry, and stop when I'm full. Again, such a simple thing, yet so powerful. If I want fruit, I have fruit, If I want chocolate, I have chocolate (but the actual chocolate I want, not a substitute) same goes for pepperoni, cheese, bread, veggies, whatever! I'm finding that eating this way I no longer need the stuffed feeling to feel full. My body is satisfied, my emotions are, and therefore I am. Does that make sense?

I remember feeling how she probably feels: the fear of failure, the fear of losing control, the fear of ballooning weight. So much fear, and anger, and self hate, but mostly the fear. (And know that I just wanna reach through the computer and hug her tight whenever she expresses those awful feelings of fear and failure)

But, this year I was equipped to let go of my fear, and so I gradually did. Little bit by little bit, as I was ready. Some times it was two steps forward and six back, but the trend continued on towards better health... slowly and surely. It may take me ten years to get to my goal weight, but, even if I never make that magic number on the scale, I know that I'm healthier and will continue to be as healthy as possible for the rest of my life. I'm not a prisoner to food any more. Food is just food. Albeit some is more nutritious than others. Delicious and lovely fuel for the body. But still just fuel. It's not my friend, my confidant, my protector or my barrier any more.

Now, half the small container of ice cream? Nope no self-control there either. Alaskaboy ate the other half. But, if I'd wanted the whole 4 ozs, or even more, I would have eaten them. I choose the Haagen-Dazs ice cream because it's an ice cream I adore. It's something that I'm satisfied on with much less than with the lower fat products; light, low fat, or fat free ice cream I eat a whole pint and still feel unsatisfied. But some other things I actually prefer the lower fat products, cheese sticks and turkey pepperoni to name just two. It's taken me nearly a year to be able to eat like this though. And I admit it does feel strange still, good, but strange, to eat just until I've had enough and then stop.

Sorry I didn't mean to ramble on. I just wanted to share how good I'm feeling. How good it feels to trust myself to be able to stop eating when I've had enough. To eat only when I'm hungry, well, most of the time. Even "skinny" "normal" people have days where they eat too much. Alaskaboy and I have been talking about that recently, as well as with other friends who've never had addiction problems before. Fascinating stuff! It's amazing how I used to be so focused on being perfect. How I thought that normal people magically were able to eat perfectly all the time. Guess what? They don't! LOL But in all seriousness, they don't abuse food either. Neither do I, and I'm not a magician.

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

My Christmas Gift To You All.

This isn't as exciting as the gifts Oprah is known for giving to her audience on occasion, but it's the best I could think of at the moment.

Two weeks of a little something for yourself every day, let me give you the gift of giving to yourself this holiday season. It doesn't have to be exercise-related if you don't want it to be, but I have two weeks remaining in my twelve week exercise streak and I was wondering if any of you would like to join me?

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

Whatever amount of time you wish, doing whatever you feel like to do.


Have trouble with fruits and vegies? How about making it that you get 1 or 2 servings of one or each every day for only 14 days.

Feeling stressed? How about you take just 15 minutes a day, for fourteen days, of you time.

Do 5 minutes of stretching, every day for the whole 14.

Want to go for a walk every day but never had the motivation? Then feel free to start today... for just fourteen days.

Who knows, the streak may become a habit. Wink


Whatever it is you choose to do for your two week streak, make sure it's a doable thing and something you enjoy doing. This streak is meant to be encouraging and not about restricting anything or yourself. I'm hoping that after 14 days you'll wake up feeling fabulous that you've accomplished something in amongst the holidays, instead of waking up two weeks from now and kicking yourself for things you coulda or shoulda done.
If you're the type that this will become just another chore to add to the list, then feel free to say, "Thanks, but no thanks."

If you wanna do it, then pick ONE thing you can repeat 14 times to help make you feel special, energized, good about yourself, and eager to greet christmas(or whichever religious observance you have at this time of year) and the new year with a smile on your face!

Got any friends you wanna give this gift to? Then by all means pass it on. Just tell 'em to remember, "Good health is the best gift you can give yourself and those around you too."

Hmm, how about we call this the Healthy Gift Meme. Pass around the Holiday Cheer, folks!

Happy Holidays!

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Monday, December 04, 2006

TAG! I'm IT!

First ever Tagging, thanks, Raina! This should be fun. :)


4 Jobs I've Had

  • Paper Boy (I'll agree with Raina that it's weird to say 'Paper Girl'!)
  • Chef (Never made it to fully qualified due to, among other things, moving overseas and changing careers)
  • Nanny (Quit because I wanted my own kids some day!)
  • Postie (Worked for Aussie Post in several different departments. Favourite was out on the motorbike delivering mail.)

4 Movies I watch over and over

  • The Fifth Element
  • The Princess Bride
  • Blazing Saddles
  • Fong Sai Yuk

4 places I have lived

  • House where I was born, in a suburb of Victoria, Australia
  • House where I grew up, a different suburb in Victoria, Australia
  • The house my parents bought about ten years ago. yet another suburb, VIC, Australia.
  • Our current house, Los Angeles County, California, USA

4 Tv Shows I watch

I don't regularly watch T.V. So these shows are just watched whenever I am in the mood. Love them, just have too much else going on to watch them on the tellyvis. Often we'll rent them on DVD, orbuy when we can afford it. How regularly do I watch t.v.? Most of the shows I just looked up on IMDB that I watch -- are all older shows that have been cancelled. LOL Here's the ones that are still current... I think.

  • Monk
  • CSI : The original team.
  • Law and Order SVU.
  • Malcolm In The Middle.

4 Places I've been on Vacation

  • Port Macquarie, N.S.W, Australia.
  • Various cities in Alaska, U.S.A
  • Phillip Island, VIC, Australia.
  • Philidelphia, PA, U.S.A

4 Websites I visit Everyday

  • HeraldSun. (One of Melbourne's Newspapers)
  • Livejournal
  • Blogger
  • my email accounts.

4 Favorite Foods

Only four? Holy shit how do I choose?
  • CHEESE!
  • Bread (combine the first two and another favourite and you get Cheesymite Scrolls!)
  • Garlic
  • Mango

4 Places I'd rather be right now

  • In our own home
  • With our family in Australia
  • With our family in the USA
  • With friends in various places.

4 Favorite Band/ Singers

  • Queen
  • Billy Joel
  • Tom Jones
  • ABBA

4 Bloggers I'll tag: (if you've already done it, or don't wish to, that's fine!)

FB
Kathryn
Wanna
Glam

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You're not gonna bloody believe this!

I tried on my skirt and the shorts to take photos for the Triple C Challenge. I did so only because I promised myself I'd take photos every weekend of December.

You remember the shorts?

Those shorts that I was so excited about on Thursday.

Fuck, was that really only three days ago?

Those shorts that I'd peed my brains out to be able to get to button up.

Yeah, them thar shorts.

They. . .zipped. . .up!

Stone the flamin' crows!

Comparing the two to te other day's shots, it's now patently obvious I was still bloated. Oh boy did I bloat this last ten days of more. So, I've been quietly losing inches and haven't really been able to tell, thanks to good ol' PMS. What a pleasant surprise to wake up to!

I wonder if this'll continue to be the pattern. Lose a bit, don't go anywhere for two or three weeks, and then BOOM! -- Lose a bunch. Shall be most interesting to keep track of over the next 12 months.

Hmm, maybe I should go back and see if there was any similarities or differences from when I was fatter.

Yes, Raina, I'm a numbers geek too. I just can't make the groovy charts you do! ;)

EDIT: 9:40am. It just struck me about a minute ago that it may indeed be a reality for me to get into the skirt by the end of the month. You could've knocked me down with a feather!

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Sunday, December 03, 2006

A ScoobyGang Rides Again!

Don't know if you remember me mentioning that exercise DVD I bought Alaskaboy for his birthday this year?* The one that we got only two minutes into the warm up before quitting, then going out and buying a slightly less difficult one to use!
Well, we just sat and watched the whole 69 minutes of it. For a brief shining moment we were thinking we might be fit enough now to give it a whirl -- modified of course.


A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!



Alaskaboy's comment was, "If that was a sex tape, I'd be smoking a cigarette and dropping you home about now." LOL We both agreed we were already tired from watching the thing and that we'd be waiting awhile before attempting it.

Cathe Friedrich is my hero. My god, that woman is fit! Strong, healthy, flexible, and yet she still has womanly curves. It's so nice to see how far we've come in the last twenty years or so. Athletic looking woman doing aerobic tapes. Not gangly-looking women who've obviously never lifted a weight in their life and are there because a) they look great in a leotard or b) can maintain an aerobic dance routine for the specified amount of time.

Before you get up on your high horses and accuse me of such, no, I'm not looking down on or sneering at the workout videos available prior to nowadays. They were just as important in their day for the breakthroughs they were making. In-home exercising how brilliant is that! Without their groundbreaking work, we wouldn't be where we are today. I'm simply saying that there's now a happy medium between those who weight lift for bulk and/or competition purposes and those that wish to do no weightlifting at all. And more importantly, society has progressed again to allow for those of us who wish to lift weights, but don't wish to do so at a gym. We now can do so in the privacy of our own homes as well. Those of us who want shaping and toning as well as aerobic fitness can get it. Those of us that can't afford a personal trainer can have an easily affordable equivalent. Dumbbells, rubber bands, steps etc they can all be purchased over time to build your collection as you increase your fitness. Those that wish to have long, lean and aerobically fit bodies, or stretchy, flexible ones, have dominated the home video market for so long. It's so great that those of us who wish a little more bulk can also have our time in the sun!

Woah, I did digress, didn't I? Didn't mean to, sorry about that.

Both Alaskaboy and I have agreed that our fitness goal for next year is to work our way up to being able to do that whole tape by the end of the 2007. We're thinking it'll take longer than this to work up to her MuscleMax DVD.

Woohoo! Stay tuned as Kada the Aerobic Beginner and Alaskaboy become {duhduhduuuuuh} Buff-Bod the Step Slayer and her sidekick, AerobicMan! Anyone else wanting to join our ScoobyGang? LOL


*This is an advanced Low Impact workout? God, I'd hate to see her advanced High Impact workouts! Sheesh!

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Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Number On The Beast.

I'm owning up to having weighed in this weekend just gone. Alaskaboy weighed on Sunday as per usual. I left the house whilst he retrieved the scales, and then I asked could I weigh, just to see how I was doing. (And I was curious to see how bloated I actually was since I'd had PMS for the longest time on record to date.)


So very glad I'm not listening to the scales at the moment.

{slaps hands over ears}
{singsongs: "LALALALALALAI'mNotListeningToYouLALALAAAAAH"}


If they were my only indicator of how I was doing, even knowing I was PMS-bloated, I would have been heartbroken that after exercising for nine weeks straight it showed I was back up to 226 lbs.


According to the scales I've made no progress. NONE! In fact they indisputably tell me I actually went four lbs backwards last month.


Let my inner cheer squad spell out my opinion of that!


B-O-L-L-O-C-K-S--T-O--Y-O-U--M-A-T-E-Y-!


So, it will be very interesting to see what they say come Christmas Morning. Will it be a high total since I'll more than likely be PMSing by then again? Will I actually see the numbers I'm aching to see? How will I feel either way?


The more important questions are: Will I break down and weigh the week before Christmas to give a measure that is not abnormal? And how will I feel if that too is not where I want it to be? How excited will I be if it IS!?


And why the HELL do I worry about what the scale says anyway? This still confuses me as to why I'm still needing to know those numbers. Why can't I just say “bugger off” to the scales completely and stick with measuring by my clothes and how fit I am? I guess it's something we've had to deal with right from the minute we're born, this constant obsession with how much we weigh! It's just so culturally vital to know one's stats.


No one cares if you've dropped umpteen dress sizes, they all wanna know, "But, how much have you lost?"

First Questions A New Parent Is Asked: "Boy or Girl? How Heavy? How Long?" (or something very similar!)


I've had several conversations over the last couple of months with people other than my parents, my husband, or those of you on here. It doesn't matter if I try to spell out my success in other ways, without fail, no one wants to hear about anything but the scales. They all express shock that I've ditched the scales and ask me, "But how will you know how you're doing?" And yet, they all refuse to see the other forms of measurement as being any good. Scales Are King I tell you, King and God!


Anyone got any thoughts as to why the scales are so all important even when we know they really shouldn't be? Why does that little beast that is under our feet have our number so easily?

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Clothes Maketh The Man.

Clothes, I'm pretty sure we all wear them on a regular basis. Even if there are any nudists who read this, you'd still need to wear clothes outside of the house at certain times, right?

So, in regards to this, I'm issuing a Clothing Challenge. If no one else wants to join in, that's ok, I'll just do it myself. ;)

Find a piece of clothing that almost fits, but is only a little too small. I don't mean one or two sizes too small, I'm talking realistically here. Only a little too small. Well, maybe a size or two if you're going to make the challenge last the next three months for the whole winter/summer.

Myself personally, I have a pair of cargo shorts that will button up, but the zip won't even budge. Cannot budge due to my belly flap protruding from the zipper.
I also have an A-Line middle-of-the-calf-length floaty kind of summer skirt that does indeed zip up. But it's all bunched up at my waist. ie I have to hike it up to get it zipped and then it won't settle back where it belongs. Currently, the hem sits just below my knees.

My December Challanege (or winter challenge if I don't make it by the end of December) is to fit into both those pair of clothes. And when I say fit, I mean comfortabley. Able to wear them for long periods of time and do whatever, without worrying about split seams, riding up, or having to choose between breathing and eating.

The shorts I can't wear as it's winter, but the skirt I could get away with if I wear some tights underneath. I want to wear that skirt before I'm too small to get any wear out of them. I also don't want to wait for summer to wear them, I have other nice clothes I wanna be wearing by then!

So anyone got something lurking in their closet that they'd love to wear for christmas, or New Years Eve, or by the end of February, but are just a smidge too much for its seams to handle? Join me in this challenge, if you like.

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Fabulous Fifty Update.

Here's where I stand at the halfway point of my Fabulous Fifty Feats Challenge

Start Weight: 100.9 kgs or 222 lbs

Current Weight: Dunno, not weighing yet.

Start Size: 18W (20 AUS)
Current Size: 17W (19 AUS) Well, I would be if they made such sizes. 18w's are looser, 16w's don't quite fit.

Start Pushups: 10
Current Pushups: 15

Pecs Start : 1 lbs
Pecs Current: 2 lbs

Rhomboids and trapezius Start: 0 lbs
Rhomboids and trapezius Current: 0 lbs

Biceps Start: 3 lbs
Biceps Current: 4 lbs

Squats Start: 3 lbs
Squats Current: 3 lbs

Other Upper Start: 2 lbs
Other Upper Current: 2.5 lbs

Walk Start: 2 miles with the occasional 3
Walk Current: Mostly 3, still no 4's.



Must admit I'm pleased with most of this progress, a bit worried about the push ups though! Rhoms and traps I'm now regularly doing the full number of reps for each set, so there has been improvement even though there's been no weight added yet.

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Friday, December 01, 2006

Still tired, but . . .

. . .I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!

THE BUTTON DOES UP!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/17953084@N00/310655189/

and

http://www.flickr.com/photos/17953084@N00/310655186/


Ok, now I'm really excited for next month's measurements. Will try to ensure I take them when I'm not pmsing too!


Actually, I'm kinda worried whether I'm going to get any wear out of these shorts other than the progress shots. I think by the time it's warm enough to wear them comfortably they'll be too big!


That is such a delicious thought!

P.S. I'm saving the skirt to try on at the end of the 12 week challenge. And if it still doesn't fit, then Christmas Morning is the next try on date. {keeping fingers, toes, legs, arms and eyes crossed.}

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Ain't it a fwiggen shame!

“I'm tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain't it a crying shame?
I'm so tired,
God dammit I'm exhausted!”


Unlike Lili Von Schtupp, I don't have Stage door Johnnies hounding me, but I was off like a wabbit after the total of 2000 minutes of exercise for the month. I did make that total, but it's most certainly something I won't be doing again for quite awhile.


I'm tired. Run down. Weary down into my bones.


How do I know? Oh, it might have something to do with the second cold I caught this month. Something that's never happened to me in my life! Definitely a good indicator is, despite sleeping on average 9-10 hours a night, I still have dark circles under my eyes. And having a cold and my period at the same time are definitely not helping with the weariness.


Hooray, November is over, I say over because I've already exercised for today, and there's only eighteen days left in my twelve week exercise streak! I believe I'm only going to do the average that I actually set out to do for those twelve weeks. 40-50 minutes per day.


When I first started and was exercising around that much per day I was losing weight fairly well. Now this month that I pushed it even harder, it didn't work for me. I'm a little firmer than four weeks ago, but a hell of a lot tireder, and not that much fitter. I've actually slowed my 3 mile walk time down by five minutes! So, I'm back where I was two months ago with that distance. I thought with all this extra exercise I'd do a PB for sure. Nu-uh!


So, for December I'm gonna take it easier the first week. Rest as much as possible, whilst still keeping the streak going: i.e. mostly walking and yoga/stretching. Hopefully that'll help. I'm really looking forward to a day of complete rest on the 19th of December. Will be very interesting to see how I do in the latter half of December. Will my body demand rest for many days, or will I be itching to go again after one or two? LOL


Yes, I know I should probably have a day of rest tomorrow, or sooner than 19 days from now, but I'm already disappointed about not gaining in fitness or times this months. Don't you think it'd be a fwiggen shame if I stopped the streak with only 18 days left remaining?


If I do those 18 days . . . When we get back from our holiday, I get my prize. Total body professional massage here I come!

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