Monday, November 20, 2006

The Long And Whining Road!.

This wave I've been riding lately has curled over me in this bodacious tube, but I'm afraid it's gonna close before I can negotiate my way out.

Enough of the metaphor, in short -- I Couldn't Give a Rat's!

Tonight, I just don't have it in me. It's after eleven in the evening, I have had a big weekend of shopping and Christmas stuff and eating out and editing and a whole bunch of other stuff, not the least of which is not much sleep. I just feel blah.

I so want to say fuck it, I'm going to bed. Alaskaboy went at least 45 mins ago and is sound asleep. I just wanna curl up with him and go to the Land of Zed. (That'd be the Land of Zee for some of you.) Completely in the mood to snuggle, not struggle through a workout.

Feeling all puffy from the salt I've had this weekend, so that's really not helping.
I know I'm gonna kick myself if i don't get up and do this, but . . .

{mock-tantrum on the floor} I don't waaaaaanna!

Worked out really long and hard the last couple of weeks and really enjoyed it, but my body seems to have gotten used to it. What with the over-indulging of salt and lesser amounts of exercise my body's hopeful that I'm going back to my wicked ways..

Those capris didn't zip up yesterday when I put 'em on. BUGGAH!

I know, I know! I know it's only bloating and nothing to fret about too badly. Other clothes that I didn't fit into last year now fit . . . (was like going shopping, without actually going. More on that tomorrow when I'm perky enough to do justice to it.) but that joy wore off hours ago, and now I'm just feeling blech.

The thought of how much you guys'll kick me in the head if I stop now is helping with the realisation that I can't just up and quit.

God, could you imagine how disappointed you'd all be. Fuck, I'd never hear the end of it.
*I'D* never forgive myself; four weeks short when I've come so far. It's not worth it.

THIS is the danger period, this next week or two is when I'll feel inclined to sabotage myself. Past experience leads me to know this, I didn't need Brian to tell me so. The first whiff of potential success is starting to permeate the surrounds, and I'm scared I'm gonna ensure I fail again, like all those previous attempts.

Don't let me do it. Please! Send me nagging coments or something! I need help this week, I really do.

I wanna feel fantastic at Christmas, proud I did my 12 week goal, something I honestly thought I wouldn't complete.

Here's a little plea that the Fab Four put into words so much better than my rambling on for the last half an hour has done.

"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me."


Now, I've got drag my bloated self off to do some kind of exercise before I bugger this all up beyond any hope of redemption, and end up hating myself in the morning.

Hmm, I don't think I could sustain an actual tantrum for the whole forty minutes. Shame about that. lol

EDIT 12:07am :- Managed 40 minutes of yoga and stretching. Night!

4 Nibbles:

crankybee said...

Oh, I SO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! As soon as I sniff success, I do the same! lol! The only way I can get through it is to stop weighing myself, and take the focus off the numbers. That's what normally sends me off into a meltdown. Just keep going, keep going girl!

I've only just had a chance to read this blog (bloody uni) and it's so well written - good on you mate!

As for the tim tam obsession, I am so glad I don't suffer it...can take them or leave them!

sandii said...

good girl! sorry to sound patronising, i just think WELL DONE! but don't forget if your body is screaming for sleep it's just as important to weight loss as everything else. that delicate balance, but who the fuck knows how to get it?

anyway, take care and keep up the good work!
x

Kada said...

"The only way I can get through it is to stop weighing myself, and take the focus off the numbers."

Hard to imagein, but I'd never really sat down and tried that before. It was always exciting, but scary, when I shrunk out of some clothing, yet I still bowed down to The Almighty Scale. It and its sidekick, Count Calorie, would become my obsession. Like you I'd have a total meltdown, and then I'd end up bigger than ever before. It was liberating to give those scales the arse! Was a little angry that he'd hidden them so sneakily and so well, but then I was plain ol' relieved.

Thanks for the compliment, glad you're enjoying it! The earlier entries weren't too preachy were they? (worried about that)

I adore Tim Tams, but to be honest I'd rather be able to get me mitts on Cape Seed Loaves from Baker's Delight or their Vegemite Scrolls. lol Am definitely a savoury person. However, the bickies/cookies here just cannot compare to Tim Tams. Maybe that's a good thing.

Kada said...

It didn't come across as patronising at all, Sandii.

Yup! Sleep is so important. I slept in till after 10:30 this morning, it was wonderful. (Disturbed every two hours but that's neither here nor there. I stayed in bed till I was done sleeping.) It's part of why I went for the relaxation/Yoga workout last night. Could achieve my 40 minutes of exercise yet also soothe myself in readiness for sleep. :)

Hope you got a good night's sleep!