Saturday, October 07, 2006

A rant from 23rd July 2006

(This rant is not directed at anyone on this board! It's just long-held frustration that I'm finally expressing. And more importantly, ridding myself of, in order to continue getting healthy.)

Thanks for listening. And if you don't get very far into it before going elsewhere, that's fine too. LOL

Disclaimer: Please, don't take this as me trying to tell anyone else how to eat.
I'm not doing this to say sod off and don't give me advice ever again. I appreciate advice.(don't always take it, but I do appreciate it and take what works for me. As anyone should do with advice.) This is just me re-having an epiphany about MY OWN BODY AND WEIGHTLOSS!

These subjects has been weighing on my mind for some time now, and I am finally ready to confront them. Only in part is this brought about by the binge from yesterday (Saturday) Here's my diary entry for then. (The rant is not brought to you by the letters P, M and S, even though the binge was. I've been thinking about it, and what's actually bugging me about the whole problem, for awhile now.. I felt good writing this. Catharsis is a wonderful thing, :D)

Yes I have read, re-read, and revised this and am happy with it. I even take my own advice sometimes. :P

Wasn't that good today,(Saturday) but I've learned through this last twelve months of watching what I eat, that if when PMS-ey I don't give into the cravings, I have multiple days of binge-eating, rather than just the one.
(not telling anyone else to do this, only saying what works for myself)
I eat whatever my body wants on that initial craving day (with some ways to mitigate the fat if I can) and then go back to healthy eating the next day.

My food diary has shown a clear pattern; I binge properly on the one day, I'm fine. If i try and cheat on the binge.. i end up binging for at least four days, on low fat stuff, until the bod gives in to the initial high fat binge. Silly, and self-defeating. So, I go with the initial one, and I'm done! :D

That's only one way in which coming here and putting my food diary up, and being easily able to go back through it, even if I lose the bits of paper, has helped!


My mum will even back me up on this. That first time I joined TOWN (Aussie version of TOPS) I would give into one day of cravings with PMS, whether it be fish and chips, a whole packet of timt tams, or whatever. But still add them into my calorie counts.. it's not a cheat, believe you me. I'd own up to everything I ate. (and subsequently got in BIG trouble from the leader.. in front of everyone, for being honest about how I'd lost the two kilos/4.5lbs that WEEK -- whilst PMS-ing.)
I'll still exercise like usual, but LISTEN to my body.
Same thing happened back on HWF, someone expressed 'concern' about how much I was eating.. when I'd lost over 16 lbs in two months DESPITE HAVING STRAINED MY GROIN.. and once again, I listened to them. Got angry, and told them to get stuffed, I'd listen to my own body and successful weight loss.. but in reality their words sunk in, and I didn't trust myself, again. {sigh} Look where I ended up by trying to do it 'right', frustrated, hungry, and then off the wagon completely.

Those women's comments tore down all my confidence, so I stopped listening to my bod, and even the times I've listened again, their words have come back to haunt me. NO MORE! I AM listening to MY body from now on.

Screw anyone who tries to tell me how my body works. >:( They don't live in it, *I* do!

As I remember saying in the past to the woman on HWF: “Do me the courtesy of knowing how my own body works.”

Others may be horrified, jealous, concerned or whatever about the high calories and fat I have some days, but they're usually for a good reason. Reasons that matter only to me and my body.
I freely confess when I'm binging for no good reason, and get back on track when I can, but I also admit when I'm binging for a reason. depression, or PMS, or healing a wound.
I do you the courtesy of supporting you in the ways you choose to lose weight, I don't say you should do this that or the other. We're all doing what works for ourselves, in the ways that work for our own bodies.

Here are some thoughts that have been going through my head this last week or two: Feel free to ignore any and all as you wish. They're just my opinions after all, and things that I'm trying to understand and do.

Think. Take the time to read over a post or email. Even keep it overnight saved as a draft, or a .doc file, before sending. Most importantly, think about how you'd feel if you received the email you're about to send. Just because we have instant communication, doesn't mean we should use it. Same goes with conversing face-to-face with someone. Think about what you say, before you say it. Words cannot be unsaid, text cannot be unwritten. Posts may be edited, but what if someone's already read and saved what you initially said? These boards are public, what if someone you know, now or in the future is able to attribute those words to the REAL you. Just take the time to think.

Support. Is what we're here for. To give AND receive.

Nourishment. Of our confidence, our souls and our bodies is necessary for a healthy life.

Understanding. Not only of ourselves, but of others is the key to support. The key to many things.

Communication. Talk, but also listen. Make sure what you say is clear and concise. If in doubt, explain why you're saying what you're saying. Respect and accept that others may never understand what you're trying to say.

Trust. Your gut instincts, yourself, your body. Trust you to know what you need. Trust yourself to ask for help when you need it. Trust those that care for you to give what you need. Trust that you can ask for clarification if you feel it is necessary.

Empathise. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. We all have equally valid reasons, emotions, and concerns. Just because someone or something is different, does not make you any more or less correct.

We're all people, not just nameless, faceless pixels on a screen.
Love and respect yourselves.. but also respect the other person on the end of the communication.

Kada - pleased to re-discover her own sense of confidence and belief in self.

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