Saturday, October 07, 2006

The Great Groin Fiasco of 2005

18th October 2005

I'm starting to feel what's the point?
I work really hard at getting myself fitter, somehow keep myself motivated throughout that really long plateau and just as I break the damn thing -- I strain my groin.
The rest of my body is raring to go, but I'm not allowed to anymore. It could be 4-6 weeks before I can even think about getting back on the exercise schedule.. and then I'm back where I was several months ago.

My positive usual self is saying "at least it wasn't a tear, it's not a hernia, it's only a minor thing. Be grateful. Just drop the calories down and go for a walk as often as possible, stretch the hips as often as is comfy and we'll be back on track soon."

The rest of me says "f**k off!"

I was really enjoying the feeling of being healthier and stronger, also looking forward to making even more progress and being as fit as I possibly could be, by the end of the year.

I'm just so sick of the setbacks, actually I'm almost ready to say "fine, i get the hint, I'm not s'posed to be a healthy weight!"

Almost... but, not quite there yet.
I've still got enough self respect to put the head down and plod on through this and hopefully come out the other side without losing too much ground.

19th October 2005

Yesterday was a Bad, Bad day, I don't have them often, but when I do, they're horrible. Hubby and I went for a stroll last night and it was while we were talking about our respective days that I realised I was overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all. This time I really had gotten my sh*t together, making steady progress, really believing that I am able to get fit and healthy. This wasn't like all the other times where I'd self-sabotaged myself, I really had no control over this injury. Same with the other injuries/mishaps, but this time it is different, I know for a fact it'll be 4-6 weeks before I can even contemplate starting to get back to my regular amount of exercise. My hope of being below 200 for Christmas has now become an impossibility. Add into this the fact that my sister-in-law is due to give birth at the end of this month, another friend gave birth this week, and another friend is also due in 6 weeks. I'd been hiding all day yesterday from the fact that I too would have been due to give birth within the next four weeks. Thankfully once I acknowledged that thought whilst out and about walking, I could have a little cry and deal with it. Dealing successfully with that allowed me to move on from it and concentrate on the weight-loss issue.

So this morning I've sat down and thought long and hard about where I am, what I'm doing and where I'm going. The dream of 200lbs by Christmas/New year's is a dream that's been laid to rest, and even if I was totally fit, there's no guarantees I would have gotten there anyway.
The dream has been put aside, and now I deal with reality. I must allow this injury time to heal, 4-6 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I can continue my short strolls of an evening, slowly but surely moving up to two strolls a day.. and then lengthening them as my injury will allow. NO pushing too hard. If I need to stay at one stroll a day for the next 6 weeks.. well so be it, I'm going to get well, not make myself sicker. This bull is ignoring the gate! honest!

I have two goals for the rest of the year.
Remain as fit as I am now, if not get a little fitter.
Get to my first mini goal weight by the time I come back from Christmas holidays on the 5th January.

That's 12 weeks to lose 11 lbs. But I won't be disheartened if I don't lose the whole amount, as long as I'm lighter than I am now, and fitter.. that's all that matters. They're goals to strive towards, not absolutes that I'll hurt myself to achieve.

Yes, Ladies and Gents, I'm back. Still slightly sad and bummed out, but you've helped me restore my sense of determination. So once again, Thank you.

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