Friday, July 17, 2015

Satan's Arsehole.

Satan's arsehole couldn't be hotter than the hell I just went through.

Over the years I've regaled you with stories of some of my spicier adventures. Those that haven't heard it secondhand have witnessed how much I like spicy food. And know the fact that I'm up for some serious mucous membrane searing action if there's enough money or kudos up for grabs. They talked about that Dave's insanity sauce hot wings challenge for YEARS after that 4th of July BBQ. I ENJOY wasabi by the tablespoon with sushi. Habaneros and Wiri Wiris etc anything up to about 400,000 scovilles I have both enjoyed and been tortured by over the years. And I've never had any come back up, instead it all went out the way Ghandi's Revenge (as Billy Connolly calls it) should, in a southerly direction. I know to draw the line at Ghost peppers and have no intention of trying a Carolina Reaper, unless it's seriously tamed.
In short, I like spicy food.
Tonight, I had a simple Mexicana pizza from a local pizza shop, and I struggled to finish my second small slice. Soft drink, garlic bread, nothing helped this sucker go away, except time. It was that sneaky hot too, that you think you've stopped before it got too bad, but it only got hotter and hotter for a good half an hour afterwards.
This is even with some of my tastebuds and pain receptors compromised by MS-induced numbness!
And then like a fool, I believed all was well. I feel like the ignorant sucker who innocently stood there and watched the eerie phenomenon of the waves silently retreating out of the cove..not understanding the full terror that was rushing towards me all too quickly
I'm betting most of us have regurgitated in our sleep, either through over eating or drinking or illness. Or know someone who has or can at least imagine what it feels like. It's never pleasant at the best of times.
Now, imagine your stomach has happily digested just about every part of this aforementioned pizza from hell, and anything else you ate prior to that EXCEPT a few stringy bits of stuff and the chilli oil slick that was floating oh so innocently on top of your stomach acid.
Stay with wake up with that oil slick coating every mucous membrane in your throat, mouth, nose and you desperately try not to breathe it back into your lungs.
Yeah, painful, right?
In desperation, I asked Alaskaboy to grab me a bucket in case I didn't make it, and then I ran to the bathroom and vomited up as much as I could into the sink. After rinsing my mouth out, thinking it would help bring up whatever was going on in there, I drank about 500 mls nice cool water.
It only made it worse. It didn't dilute the oil, it simply increased the surface area the damn slick could spread out over and tenfold increased the number of tsunamis I had to endure surging up and out.
The chilli queen has been deposed by two small slices of pizza. Oh, the embarrassment!


Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Princess Awesome!

I would love to spread the word of this great project far and wide...unfortunately I don;t have a big readership.
Anyone willing to spread the word about cool, non-traditionally patterned clothing for girls?
Kickstarter project ends in 9 days from today.


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

PMS eating.

I've learned to look at my PMS eating as hormonal driven. Even doctors look at an upswing in calories..even as much as double or triple the amount..during a certain hormonal phase as normal. BUT the key factor I'm learning recently is that it's not a license to Eat All The Food In The World.

Then: large bowl of cereal with sugar, 2-4 slices buttered toast with toppings, large mug milky tea with 2 heaping tsps sugar
Now: 1 egg and veggies and reduced fat feta baked in muffin tray, nectarine, all bran with milk no added sugar.
Then: Stopped at fast food place on way home
Now: tinned fish(either tuna, salmon or sardines), avocado and salad sandwich with salad on the side

PMS-induced eating in the afternoon..over a period of about three hours.
Then:Chocolate bars, yes plural, and gummy lollies by the bag, 1 bag doritos/chips.
Now: 1 sliced banana, 3 chopped dates, chopped walnuts all mixed together like a salad with 1 laughing cow cheese wedge on the side.

Then:Full box of Vita Weets, each biscuit smothered in butter and vegemite or topped with 250g cheese and tomato or 250g cheese and about half a cup of mustard pickles
Now 3 cruskits with 30g cheese divided between them plus couple of tsps of strongly flavoured African-style pickles, 4 vita weets with 2 tsp butter and 2 tsp vegemite.

Then: 1 full large pita bread smothered in peanut butter, or mayo, or butter, 1 full large pita smothered in butter and jam, which I rolled up like two long souvlaki. Made it easier to shovel in my gob.
Now: 1 full large pita cut in half, half of one half smeared with peanut butter, half of the other half smeared with jam, rolled up like two sushi hand rolls, which means the filling flavours and moistens the bare bits of the bread..

Then: 1 full can of tinned spaghetti, with 2-4 slices of buttered bread
Now: half a can of tinned spaghetti (Which surprisingly I left two spoonfuls in the bowl) and two slices of bread smothered with light cream cheese.

Then: 2-6 large mugs of tea, or soft drink, or both. Half a litre of milk.
Now: water, or milk, or herbal thirst.

So...I'm still eating what my hormones are telling me I need, but far better portions. I stopped when I was satisfied. I'll eat a dinner of chicken stew with leftover roast veggies. Before I wouldn't have been satisfied until I was stomach achingly full, and probably gone on to eat double portions of the dinner. I don't know if I'll snack in the evening or not, but if I do it'll again be enough to satisfy but not overwhelm.
Before I would have carried on eating like that right up until my period started, so a period of 7-10 days, whether I really needed to or not.  Now, I've noticed it's more likely to be 3 or 4 days where I have the urge for more calories..and each day tends to follow its own distinct nutritional pattern: carbs and fat, oily fish and calcium, red meat and leafy greens, chocolate. The order of the days during a cycle can change though.
Learning, learning, learning.
I'm curious to see how the volume/content will change in another twelve months or so.


Saturday, October 11, 2014

Something made me ravenous.

Free from thoughts blurted out onto the screen. Will edit later.

I was very hungry yesterday afternoon

some of it comes from the exercise I've done the last few days, while eating reasonable amounts of food. I think it's my body syaing Wait what, hold your horses nellie, are we in famine mode or not?
The other part, as I discovered in bed last night, was completely emotinal.
Yesterday when I was fixing the girly's hair, I made a few frustrated grunty noises and raised my voice a bit and told her to sit still.
She got all grumpy and basically told me I sucked, in 5 yr old I don;t wanna do this speak.
I said you're so lucky. When I was a little girl my mum would have behaved very differently because she was frustrated.
What would she have done?
Well, I said, she would have done this, and I slowly, using the plait I had hold of as the handle for the motions, very gently and slowly moved her head back and forth far enough that her body moved and swayed a bit, and hissed through my teeth Will you bloody sit still or I'll give you something to cry about! And then I explained that my mum would have shook me harder and faster. Or she would have smacked me and told me to get over myself. or..and I gave several more examples.
Then, across from the dining table my Dad says, “Yes, that's how it would have happened, you're lucky your mummy is your mummy.”
And mum pipes up from across the table, in a hurt/sarcastic tone that still insisted what she did was acceptable, “And you mummy obviously still remembers it vividly.” or something along those lines.
And I'm kicking myself for what I said next, “But, mummy was also behaving a lot worse than you, crying and yelling and whining a lot.”
AS though my communicating to my mother that she was hurting me with the way she was brushing my hair was unacceptable. As though I agreed that what she did was acceptable.
Guess what, it fucking well wasn't!
So, I wasn't true to myself, I didn't honour my emotions, I lied to my daughter, and I made her think that I thought it was okay what my mummy had done to me, will she think I'd do that to her at some point, the threat of violence? All because I wanted to not hurt my mum's feelings or deal with the fall out of communicating with her further on the matter, especially in front of KW.
And my body knew before my brain and heart did that I'd done this to myself and KW. And thus I ate to avoid those feelings yesterday afternoon.
I understand being frustrated with your child to the point of wanting to do those things. I understand that I've hurt KW's feelings as well when I've yelled at her or had a tantrum too. I understand WHY my mum did it.
I'm hurt that she still can't acknowledge that it just MIGHT have been unacceptable behaviour and a bit over the top.
I'm trying to be a better person. I acknowledge when I've hurt someone. I admit I've done the wrong thing. I explain to Kw that my emotions were so big I didn't know what to do with them other than have a tantrum. It doesn't always help the person I've hurt to recover from that hurt. But, sometiems, it does. Denying I've done any wrong and implying it's their fault because fo their behaviour..the good old two wrongs make it right crap...that creates more hurt.


Thursday, October 09, 2014

Still Learning!

Turns out I over did the time at the zoo earlier in September. No, rephrasing that, I expended too much energy at the zoo. I didn't rest enough. I walked too fast. I forgot that I'm a disabled person. I had a LOT of fun though! But, I triggered a relapse. Thankfully, it was a mild one. I have pins and needles in my arms and legs that come and go now. My Neuro wasn't happy with how much MS activity I've had this year, so I'm waiting to hear back when they can fit me in for a full spinal MRI as well as my annual brain one. SO not looking forward to THAT!

On the positive side, I learned a lot from that trip to the zoo. So much that when I went to the Aquarium a couple of weeks ago, and the Werribee Open Range Zoo this week, I took a walker with me. It used to be my nanna's, before she transitioned to a wheelchair, but it's now mine. I can lean on it when I need to, so I'm not fighting to hold my upper body upright while walking on uneven ground. I can sit on it whenever I feel the need. I even use it to carry my handbag/backpack and drink bottle. Alaskaboy even pushed me up the steep ramps on it, rather than head a long way back around to certain elevators.

It's a little depressing to think of how I walked 10km the other year, but a least I'm living in the now. Working with what my body will let me do and learning to respect it and embrace what I still CAN do. SO, I'm thinking thre'll be more walks in my future. I'd been dreading the increase in the heat, but I reckon, as long as I don't overdo it, the walker will help me increase my activity level, and allow me to sit on something in the shade along the way.

Kiddlywink also loves going along for a ride on it too. She'd missed going out with my nanna on it, now we can all go. Someone pushing Nan, me using the walker and all enjoy the lovely walk.

I've even learned more about food and my body, but that's for another post. :)


Monday, September 01, 2014

L Plates!

I feel like a learner driver. I really have no idea how to eat like a normal person. As a child and teenager I was a competitive athlete so that always made for bigger meals than other kids my age. No way to gauge what is a normal portion, for me, anyway. I know how much my sister-in-law eats, but she's very petite and weighs about again no comparison. Kiddlywink eats intuitively, we've made sure to teach her that. Her appetite ebbs and flows and I'm learning from that how some days I'll be hungrier than others and less so other days too.

Last night, I was really struggling with appetite. I'd eaten delicious meals that used up all my points, but within two hours of eating dinner I felt hollow. That kind of light hollow feeling when I've been out in cold weather all day and want something warm and comforting in my belly. But we'd been out in the sun, had a picnic, gone shopping and had a delightfully warm last day of winter. Sure the wind had been a little chilly at times, but we'd dressed appropriately.

But there I was, still feeling hollow.

Next thing I know Alaskaboy is rummaging in the pantry. I'd eaten a banana five minutes before and it had instantly vaporised, leaving my stomach feeling even more hollow. The herbal tea went the same way. Then he articulated exactly what I was feeling. "I've had cheese and crackers, and now I want nuts and seeds, but I really want to devour the bacon that's leftover from breakfast in the fridge." I waited a few more minutes, because men often have bigger appetites than women, but the hollow feeling got worse. Then I began to feel yuck.

I looked back over my tracker, and sure enough, I hadn't eaten much protein. And no green smoothy for afternoon tea, even though I'd had eaten my fruit and salad with various meals, rather than drinking them. I hadn't eaten the nuts though.

I ended up eating three full rashers of bacon, a little piece of steak, and finally a hot chocolate, when that didn't settle my tummy. (I waited many minutes in between each snack to make sure I was still hungry before eating the next thing.)

Then of course the binge-eater in me wanted to keep going: cheese and crackers, noodles, nuts, the rest of the bacon, but I hung on and kept reminding myself to feel what my tummy was saying, Warm. Comfy. Had Enough. Satisfied.

SO, now I've learned that,  FOR ME, three hours sleep lacking plus a day in the fresh air equals Hunger. True hunger and next time I'll make sure to space my protein across the day and allow a bit more of that than the carbs that I seemed to want during the day. Combine the slow burn of protein with the quicker energy of complex carbs to satisfy my body. And have some warm 0 point soup for in between, help remind the tummy it's full.


Sunday, August 31, 2014

I see it, but I doooon't believe it!

I see it, but I haaaaardly believe it!
This Kit Kat is still sitting on our chest of drawers.

Alaskaboy bought me two of them on Monday.
This week I had PMS.
One of them is still. sitting. on. my. chest. of. drawers!

And most important, it wasn't even difficult. Even when he handed them to me, I said, "I'll put this up here for later in the week." I ate one when I wanted, and then didn't even think about the second one until today, then I realised what I'd done!


Wednesday, August 27, 2014


I had a reaction to my injection last night, it doesn't happen often, but when it does it feels very unpleasant. (Basically meds end up in the vascular system accidentally, rather than subcut where it's supposed to go.) My body, after it finishes have the symptomatic response to the meds rushing around my body, goes into a very mild case of shock. This is the first time in a week where I could NOT apply the mind over matter principle. I had to eat what my body was insisting I have. First up a few chocolate malt balls. Then a chicken and mayo sandwich. And finally a cup of tea with sugar and milk. (I did NOT go back and polish off the plate of chicken which my tastebuds so desperately wanted, nor eat more bread or chocolate or cheese or...which considering it's a PMS week? Score!)

After that I continued to follow the usual pattern, my body said," oh I'm safe again... ZZZZZZZ" and I conked out in the armchair. I slept heavily for about an hour, with one or two, "huh I'm asleep, I wanna go to bed" murmurs before waking fully. Knowing I hadn't eaten that much before bedtime in a week, and the usual consequences if I went to bed too soon, I sat up and watched one of those Seconds! From! Disaster! shows that, while interesting in their own right, have way too much filler material packed into the show to make it truly enjoyable to watch. (Air Crash Investigations is my junk tv fairy floss treat.)

I woke up at some hour during the night feeling distinctly uncomfortable. Before, all I could ever identify was TOO! FULL! AND! UNCOMFORTABLE! Last night, because it was no longer normal to go to bed like that, I could feel my actual stomach distended painfully from the fluid and food busily digesting in there, and all my other organs grumpy about being pushed outta the way while they were trying to do THEIR jobs.

Uncomfortable but educational. Learning stuff left, right and centre without food blocking my view any more.