The weather here is starting to get hotter, and I've been fretting about being able to continue walking outside. The other morning I was up at 7am, and it was already too hot for me to walk out in the sun.
Yesterday the power pack finally arrived. Which power pack you ask? The power pack from Nintendo Australia that will allow us to use our Wii here in Aus. It's been been disheartening, no, to be honest it's been ENRAGING to have the Wii sitting there staring at me and knowing I couldn't use it yet.
Kiddlywink has discovered the joys of the basic run, just like her cousins used to love to do, except she's young enough that the remote either gets stuck down the back of her pants, she holds it for a little while, or I jiggle it whenever she runs on the spot (or up and down the hallway if the fancy takes her) or more usually all three occur in the one run. Over the course of the day she spent an hour, wii fit piggy bank time, chasing doggies and kittens and people, oh my, around several different wii fit courses. We had to create a whole new Mii, where we lied about her age, so that she could participate. I don't care what the arbitrary age limit is on the wii, she was ready.
And later in the evening, I had a turn. Only 17 piggy bank's minutes worth, but I had forgotten how much satisfaction I got from working up a sweat. Forgotten how much fun it is to exercise with others egging me on or just simply laughing at the games. I really have to get my juggling mojo back! BUT I went farther than I ever have on the obstacle course. :) A little sore this morning, but it's the sore I'd forgotten about, the sore that makes me feel good about my body, that boosts my self esteem and that makes me healthier, mind body and soul. Hooray for exercise!
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Over the last few months I've had a bazillion things I've wanted to blog about.
First and foremost, is that on the 1st of August, Alaskaboy, Kiddlywink and I moved house...
Now that the lawyers have lodged our forms I can tell you we're living in Australia!
It could take up to twelve months to find out if our Spouse Visa application has been successful. Since he's not allowed to work, or even look for work, while the application is going through we're currently living with my parents. Will be extra squishy once our stuff arrives in the next week or so, at least until we sort out what will be going into storage!
Now that we've acclimatised to the wet winter it's much more enjoyable. Kiddlywink is loving having a backyard to run around in, dirt, snails and bugs, a doggy AND extended family to play with, plus all the Vegemite her heart desires. LOL
So...G'day from the land down under!
More later since Alaskaboy, Kiddlywink and I are off outside to enjoy the aforementioned wet weather. :)
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I've got a lot to talk about. So very much to talk about that I'm squeezed and jammed and crammed as full as can be, just like the overloaded Nickle Nackle Tree. For the last few months I've resembled a wounded animal in a trap; I alternate bouts of flailing about wildly with fits of staring blankly into nothingness(well in my case the t.v.) which is all accompanied by shoving way too much into my mouth.
I haven't even been able to write the words to tell you. Four months it's taken me just to be able to summon the courage to write this post. But something has to give. I have to take steps to deal with this. I had gone to see a shrink the other week, but then somehow she ended up in hospital after we had one session. That sent me back into another wallow of frustrated depression.
Talking to my sister-in-law this week she told me about a book she was reading aout how to deal with highly sensitive people, DuoLoq and BeeMaN are both highly sensitive people, and after taking the test on the website I realised I am too. So, I'm going to go to the library and borrow it and see how I relate to it. Hopefully it'll give me some hints on how to help me cope with overwhelming situations.
Because at the moment I'm pretty overwhelmed. I'm feeling so much fear and rage--plus some emotions I don't even know how to describe yet--and I know that only the tip of my emotional iceberg is exposed. I'm scared of how I feel. I'm scared of what the future might hold. I'm scared of EVERYthing lately. I feel cheated. I feel adrift. I feel afraid to hope that the medication I'll have to take will work. I'm afraid of having to give myself a daily injection. I'm angry that the best thing they can do, even with modern medicine, is only slow this thing down. It's been a big realisation to understand we have NO local support. And from what I can gather, when you have MS you're gonna need a good support network. I've signed up for the MS Society and the ball is slowly rolling with that kind of support.
Yep, that's right, what I haven't been able to say, let alone start to deal with, until now, is that I have Multiple Sclerosis.
Sorry, that's all for now. I'll be back soon as I know that writing about things is definitely part of helping me deal with it. Taking a leaf out of Shauna's book, I'll probably start doing some private journal writing also. The old fashioned way with pen and paper because some stuff is just too raw for me to think about as I write it, let alone for anyone else to read it.
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Tests were negative for calcium or electrolyte deficiency. Lack of pain meant no pinched nerves, so no scans or MRI. Diagnosed numbness/nausea/stress. Sent me home told me to follow up with doc on Tuesday like planned. Take lorazepam if I feel anxious.
*Asked doc and nurse, before receiving shot, if lorazepam was contraindicated for sleep apnea, they said it would be fine.
looked it up and yep, contraindicated for sleep apnea sufferers.
Was kinda nervous about it being out of my system enough to sleep safely, and stayed up late.
Each day it spreads a little more and the previous bits get more numb.
Hands and forearms, inner biceps, chest, both shoulders, upper back, back of neck, main numbness on scalp started radiating outward from mowhak pattern. Temples, cheekbones, forehead, eyelids, cheeks, teeth, gums, chin, nose, sense of taste and smell are like after I had the antibiotic poisoning. Perineum, left heel and outer toes. Sense of touch has altered over whole body basically, with the left side being approximately half again as affected as the right side.
Still no pain. That's the bit that seemed to really confuse the ER doc.
Breathing feels a little weird now too as lining of mouth/throat, tongue, nostrils etc are numbish this afternoon as well.
This evening I feel kinda numb emotionally. Am thinking I'm a little bit shocky. Afraid of where this is going and what's happening. Want to march back to the hospital and say "do all the tests in the world to figure out what's going on," but know that to them, it's not an emergency, so they won't do anything more than they did yesterday.
Last night I started wondering if this is continued on from the B6 overdose I figured out I'd had the other month. But, it seems B6 toxicity only effects extremities. Maybe it's a combo of the nasal mask pressing on my face when I wore it, plus sleeping in that sitting up position, plus the B6 toxicity, or? or? or?
Been looking up all kinds of disorders/diseases/syndromes, but none seem to fit exactly. Trying not to worry, but can't help it.
Trying to enjoy as much time/touch with Kiddlywink as I can, just in case.
REALLY hoping it's something easily cured.
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Can't wait until Tuesday, numbness is getting worse. Heading off to hospital to see if they can figure out what's going on.
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We cobbled together another attempt to make the hose lift work. This time I could even lay comfortably on my side. I don't know how much of that is the decreased sensitivity in my face and how much is finding a better position for the hose.
Will post again in the morning to let yas know how it went.
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Well, the cobbled together thingy didn't work..which leads me to be far less hopeful for effectiveness of hose lift. Slept really poorly last night raised up on pillows. Awoke with even more numb spots in arms, face, hands. Can't see regular doc until next Tuesday. Spoke to dentist, can't do anything for me until appointment on the 9th. Am awaiting a call back from sleep doctor..who probably won't say much except for "sleep the best you can, numbness or apnea won't kill you any time soon, wait for dental device." Was pretty much all he said last time too. But, I can't help but flounder around then call the experts and hope they can help SOMEhow.
Oh AND our nicely defrosted deep freezer now has putrid fishy smelling insulation in the lid. Will be cheaper and easier to replace whole freezer than lid and insulation.
{SOB}
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I did a whole lot of research online last night and this morning, and came across something called a cpap hose lift. There are a few different types out there, and many people have built their own versions. I chose this style because it folds down easily for travel.
It'll take a few days to arrive--even more now that I remembered about thanksgiving this week--so in the meantime we're gonna try and cobble something together. The idea behind the hose lift is that it takes the weight of the hose off the mask, plus also prevents you from rolling on or getting tangled in it for those that have that particular problem. Am hopeful that with only the weight of the mask, it will erase the pressure issue that was causing the numbness. Kinda like easing your waistband after a big meal. LOL
Spoke to my dentist about it and she said definitely try that out. And if that doesn't work there is the cpappro to try (mouth guard) as well as a few oral devices to help with tongue positioning, if it comes down to it surgery to fix my deviated septum might even help. As she put it, even if we get a 50% improvement on some of the issues that cause my sleep apnea (narrow passages, small mouth, long and large tongue, overweight) then hopefully we can get me down to mild or moderate apnea which means its a lot less scary.
Then I got a few lidocaine shots and next thing I know my heart is racing, I'm trembling and I felt all hot and bothered. Seems that me no likee the epinephrine that went along with the lidocaine. It probably didn't help that, due to stress, all I ate yesterday was two pieces of grilled cheese and tomato toast and a single chocolate chip cookie. Breakfast this morning was only a small glass of water and one and a half slices of raisin toast.
My dentist was concerned at how I reacted so she put my fillings off. That made me like her as a dentist even more plus the reason I'd already thought she was good; her empathy for her patients, she treats Kiddlywink like a person and she doesn't push for procedures if she doesn't think they're necessary. Oh, and add in the fact that she noticed that I'd lost weight since I saw her five weeks ago. :)
We made an appointment for next month. That'll give me time to test out the new contraption and it's a few days after my parents arrive so I'll be less stressed overall. Fingers crossed!
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